Gym Crazies . . . and How I Met My New Southern BFF

Proudly, I did manage to work out each day of my business trip. This is not easy, considering the temptation of things like, um, sleep, and having one more round at the bar instead of retiring to the hotel room or sneaking in a mid-day workout.

But Thursday morning I did haul my ass to the hotel's fitness center, bright and early. Not easy, since I typically workout in the evenings on weekdays, and mid-afternoons on the weekends.

I spotted one of my colleague-friends, Cheryl, there as I dutifully climbed aboard a treadmill, next to a very pretty brunette, whose name I would later learn is Heather. I was cruising along for about 10 minutes when some late 40-ish woman came into the fitness center in nothing but a tired bikini and a crocheted coverup that failed to even skim her bottom. And flip flops. And she had leave-in conditioner in her hair. Really. I watched her climb on to an eliptical and begin to work out. I was so incredulous at this sight that I turned to my right, mouth hanging open and what I am sure what a confused expression on my face, when Heather looked at me and we both began to giggle at our shared judgmental expressions, LOL! Always nice to have someone confirm your thoughts, eh?!

Our giggles turned to "ICK" when the same woman sat down on a weightlifting machine and began to do about 4 (yep, a whopping 4) reps. Now, remember that her coverup does NOT cover her ass, so I am thinking, "ick, who KNOWS what she's got going on south of the border, and she's pressing that bare flesh onto a place I was planning on sitting in about 30 minutes?! YUCK!" Now you KNOW as soon as she left the next person who got on that weightlifting machine cleaned it off BEFORE they sat down, in addition to after!

But wait, it got even more bizarre . . . soon thereafter in walks yet another swimsuit/coverup-clad woman, CARRYING A STARBUCKS, who hopped onto a treadmill. Really. Who brings a hot beverage onto a treadmill? What kind of workout are YOU planning, dipshit?! About 15 minutes later, I notice that this idiot's husband is carrying wet, brown-stained towels to and from her treadmill because . . . YEP . . . she spilled coffee all over the treadmill! But Heather and I looked at each other incredulously because Ms. Starbucks pussywhipped-husband actually cleaned up the treadmill while his wife was still on it! That's right, she kept walking while he cleaned up her spilled coffee, which I am sure made for a sticky mess as it dried throughout the treadmill's gears. What an ass -- BOTH of them.

Which brings me to my new BFF, Heather. We saw each other a few hours later at one of the conference sessions, and wound up hanging out for the rest of the conference. Heather is my age, from South Carolina, and has a stunning engagement ring, just like me. We mutually expressed admiration for one another's jewelry and hair, which is always the start of a beautiful female pairing. Throughout the remaining days of the conference, we easily chatted about everything and anything . . . both our fathers-in-law are anesthesiologist, we both went to private colleges up north, our mutual love for Nino Scalia (she met him, and admitted to being star struck). We even shared shaving tips -- always a true mark of female bonding.

So, in spite of the gym crazies, I met my new work-travel BFF, and can't wait to see Heather again when I go to Las Vegas in November :o)