Back to Political Blogging . . .

It is complete bullshit that O.bama is allowed to get away with this. The double standard, the press corps hypocrisy . . . mind-boggling! Having worked for a quasi-gov't agency that was told by the Governor to use the phucked-up equation of "for every $88,000 in grant money, we count it as one white-collar job, and for every $44,ooo as one blue-collar job," and yet there were no REAL metrics demonstrating this, well, I understand all too well that the spew coming out of the Ob.ama Administration is utter, magical, bullshit.

Cue the unicorns and rainbows!

The Media Fall for Phony 'Jobs' Claims

Just So You Know I am Not a Total Bitch . . .

. . . I just emailed Dr. J (in response to something he sent me), that if he promises that the hockey season is over TONIGHT, I will happily buy Chinese food from our favorite place, sans bitching.

Hee hee. I just loathe the length of the hockey season. It's ridiculous.

Wha.t Not to Wea.r

Is it possible to watch this show (esp. several episodes in a row) and not feel like your own wardrobe SUCKS?!

Listen, I do NOT have excess money to spend on updating my wardrobe right now. I try my best to have a couple of work suits that flatter my body and look professional, a couple of flirty but professional dresses that can be worn for (work-related) cocktail parties as well as an evening out (LMAO) with my husband and/or friends. And a couple of tops that I can wear when running weekend errands with Lil Pumpkin that I am not too embarrassed to be seen in if (gawd forbid) I run into a high school ex-boyfriend or nemesis.

But watch this show and DAMN, I feel like fashion caca. I think I need to take $100 from our tax return and get thee ass to H&M and pick up a couple of mod tops to put under my work suits to jazz 'em up a bit, and a few blingy necklaces and earrings (now, GASP, if I could only remember to wear the blingy pieces when I fly out of the house to the office?!) I also am in DESPERATE need of a new pair of navy mules for my navy suit.

I think I need to just pick a date, tell Dr. J he is on Daddy Duty that afternoon, and drag either Lori or my own Mummy with me to force me to spend money on ME. Sigh.

I so depserately am trying to avoid that "Mommy Look" that happens to women. I want to be/stay a "Yummy Mummy." SIGH!

State of the Union (live thoughts)

Pretending I have my dream job for a moment - blogging for dollars! Yes, I dream of being a paid political pundit, like my hero Michele Malkin!

But since I want to NOT do work-related things right now, I will us confine my comments on the State of the Union Address to what is TRULY important . . . how everybody looks!

I must say, that eggplant color is FABULOUS on Michelle Obama.

Second, WTF is Nancy Pelosi wearing? I guess it's a suit, but it looks like a sweater-top?! She needs to JUST STOP with the plastic surgery and other touchups.

And Joe Biden keeps looking down . . . is he checking his blackberry? Maybe he has a hand mirror and is seeing if his teeth are shiny enough? Biden could use a few facial touchups all of a sudden. Must be because The Prez appointed him "Stimulus Czar" to oversee it. Does this mean we should now refer to him as "Czar Biden"?!

I see "Sully" is in the crowd. Okay, the guy did an amazing thing! But DAMN, can we move along already?!

Obama's tie is nice. His hair looks a bit lighter . . . is it greying on sides or is he not coloring it s much?

Pelosi not blinking her eyes a thousand times a minute like she did every time Bush gave a State of the Union Address . . . guess she finally started listening to her focus group reports that commented on it. (Believe you and me, people at the top have these things done, and adjust their behavior on tv accordingly). Wonder how long before The First Lady's focus group moderator works up the nerve to tell her to stop licking her teeth like an old lady readjusting her dentures?!
Just saw John Kerry . . . eek, he still gives me the creeps (visually).

Did Obama just say " Cause nobody messes with Joe" (meaning Biden)?!?!? LMAO! Dude, that's because they are afraid he will BLIND them with his super-white teeth!!!

Wake up, Carl Levin!!! That guy always reminded me of a sloth - he just has that look about him - I swear I saw him in an illustrated childhood fable or something. Or maybe that character that Danny DeVito played inone of the Batman movies.

I loathe watching so many members of Congress f'in PRETEND to support the troops, cheering and clapping for those in the galley. Phuck you assholes, you treat the troops and their efforts like shit.

Gawd, wouldn't it be great if Nancy Pelosi fell off her chair one of these times she popped up to clap? That chair must have Crisco on it, that's how fast she is popping up and down.

Wait, what's that sound? Oh yeah, it's the terrorists laughing their phucking asses off as The Prez proclaims that the U.S. does not and will not torture. Can I force every member of Congress to read a Vince Flynn novel? Have they never seen an episode of "24"? Who votes for these stupid, ignorant motherfuckers?!

Shit, just realized I am off my stated purpose - to mock the clothes and appearences of our "leaders," but when they begin to make a mockery of our troops I get mightily pissed off.

UPDATE/EDIT: I had no idea my political crush, Bobby Jindal, was giving the Republican response?!?! Wheeeeeee!

Wants & Needs

For the past decade I have used the logic of separating "Wants" from "Needs" in order to make decisions, prioritize, communicate, and so on. I find it to be quite useful, on a lot of fronts. Now that 2009 is here, and many of the blogs I frequent are stating their New Years Resolutions, I thought a "Wants & Needs" list might help me expeditiously move (or muddle) through the following year, and maybe make it a bright and shiny one in the process.


Here goes:

• I want to work out 5x's a week, including lifting weights 3x's per week.
• I need to spend a combined 5 full hours a week exercising, on a conveniently located treadmill (i.e. at home).

• I want to go away on a spa vacation.
• I need to have two pedicures a year, and quarterly nights away from home all to myself.

• I want to put more hours into my fabulous job.
• I need to work as efficiently as possible with the time I have, and embrace my existing ability to multi-task as a gift.



• I want to have a great time at my company's big Gala, and look fabulous while doing so.
• I need to sober up befor driving home, and look fabulous at the big Gala.

• I want to have a big spa-like bathtub in my house to escape to whenever I need respite.
• I need to bathe every other day, without feeling guilty for taking time away from _______ (fill in the blank with: Lil Pumpkin, chores, workstuff, sleep, Dr. J, emails, photo editing).

• I want to hike every weekend this coming spring and summer.
• I need to do something weekly that is very active and sweaty, outdoors, this coming spring and summer.

• I want to have no debts, be setting aside money for my kid's future, and my own (LOL) retirement.
• I need to feel financial secure, or at least on manageable ground.

• I want to be a Trophy Wife.
• I need to be the envy of bona fide trophy wifes. Okay, I want to be the envy of every woman - I freely admit it. I am competitive like that. It's residual chafe from years of NOT being the prettiest, smartest, funnest (I know it's not a word).

• I want to be able to sit through mass each week, listening and breathing and contemplating.
• I need for my daughter to get with MumMa's dream of timing her naps for during mass.

• I want to be a stylish and fashionable person again.
• I need to occasionally have a new dress. And shoes (and neither have to be expensive nor designer).

• I want a deep-tissue massage twice a month.
• I need to have somebody with strong hands rub my neck and back, for 10 minutes, once a week.

• I want to have crazy, fun, slightly buzzed, sex regularly.
• I need to have the urge to want crazy, fun, slightly buzzed, sex regularly.

• I want to tell my husband that I still think he is very attractive. And that when it wears cologne on the weekends (job prevents him from doing so during the week), it really turns me on.
• I need to do a better job of letting my fear prevent me from doing so.

• I want to have two new, reliable, Japanese crossover vehicles that get good gas mileage.
• I need to feel that I am driving a reliable vehicle, and not burst into tears nor rage when one of our vehicles breaks down or has some other mechanical issue beyond our control.

• I want to have a new kitchen for Dr. J to cook in.
• I need to pay for a bunch of other shit in our lives first.

• I want to be able to turn up the heat in our house without worrying about the bill next month.
• I need to feel warm without consequence.
  

• I want to rotate weekly meetups up with Lori, Hamster, Kelli, and Sandi for drinks and gossip and venting.
• I need to have standing dates with all of these people, and not feel so isolated and out of touch. And not feel guilty about being away from the baby when I do so.

Long Island redux

Let me cover the more memorable moments/lines of the trip:

• Visit to aquarium - my kid was not interested. Which was fine with me, since I do NOT like the smell of aquariums. Add in my nose being completely inflammed from sleeping in a super-duper dry guest house and, well, it was NOT a good mix for my poor little nose. Sniff!


• Air Mattresses - fine for one night. But not four nights. Don't get me wrong, I was thankful for the free place to sleep, and an entire guest house/cottage so we could have some private space to escape to each day. But I loathe air mattresses.


• Tie-Dyed Clothing - sigh, my BIL and SIL are still going out in public dressed in this shit. They are NOT giant hippies, either (though my SIL's ass was lookin' mighty giant, thank you very much, Santa!) But they have continued to wear their tie-dyed clothing as long as I have known them (entering the 16th year), and long before that they sported it too, I am told. Thank YOU, Dr. J, for being just-this-side of "Acceptable Metrosexual" when it comes to clothing - and never wearing: tie-dyed, flannel, beer t-shirts, a jean jacket, or ratty leather. Oh, and having stylish glasses (no matter how rarely you wear them).


• My FIL gave me a lecture on the wines indigenious [sp?] to North America. By genus and species. Yes, there were plenty of Latin words. Hullo 20 minutes of My Life that I can not reclaim!


• Our first night back home . . . I had this amazingly phucked up dream in which I am munching cookies while walking through a tunnel, all the while pissed off that Dr. J has joined a rock band that wants him to join them on tour. In London. And he wants me to okay him spending $5,500 on a last-minute plane ticket to meet up with the band. In London. LESSON TO BE LEARNED: Do NOT combine late-night Spanish champagne with "scoob.y snacks," no matter how well they seemingly pair together at the time.

The Year In Review

Normally I wait until the official last day of the year to do this, but since I am travelling it's gonna have to be a day early. Here's hoping that nothing shocking happens tomorrow that alters these lists -- then again, I will be seeing "The Bitch Cow," a.k.a. my S-I-L who needs to drop 20 pounds, and upset & humiliated me the last time I saw her, so who the phuck knows?! That's okay, I am in a much better place this year, one of strength, and I swear I will kick her cream puff ass if she so much as looks at me funny. Cheers!

WHAT WAS GOOD:

1. Falling in love with Lil Pumpkin the moment I saw her referral photos
2. Greasy, delicious, noodles and rice from "The Baby Restaurant."
3. Hearing Jane repeatedly ask "does anybody need any pure, bottled, water?!"
4. Chinese hospitality and housekeeping. And laundry.
5. Adrian's surprise packages.
6. Crazy cross-country chats.
7. Kimbolton!
8. Unlimited texting. Still.
9. Hope found me.
10. Watching my Dad fall in love with his granddaughter.
11. Being granted the privilege to love & parent the most amazing child that ever existed. And I am not biased. Really.

WHAT WAS BAD:

1. First-hand experience of just how much a toddler can grieve. As prepared as we were, it was still 100x's worse than anything you can imagine.
2. The Nanning Airport meltdown (Lil Pumpkin's and our own)
3. The IRS announcing mileage reimbursement is decreasing in 2009. Phuck.
4. Chinese heat & humidity.
5. The visit to the County Health Dept.
6. Extreme financial stress.
7. The repeat visit to the County Health Dept.
8. Losing/misplacing my beloved & semi-pricey RayB.ans. I have waaay sun-sensitive eyes and my el' cheapos ain't cuttin' it.
9. The Bath That Broke The Ceiling.
10. Cracks and crevices that deepen into caves.
11. The mourning of what likely happened to Yuanchun.

WHAT I LEARNED:

1. Attachment techniques work if you stay consistent!
2. How to clean my house in 60 minutes time, top to bottom. Okay, maybe 90 minutes. And okay, maybe just passable enough to fool visitors.
3. Micro-fleece is my friend. Meow. Not sexy, but warm.
4. Dr. J is capable of mowing the grass if it gets high enough.
5. God's power to bring together the right baby to us, under extraordinary circumstances.
6. My husband can dig way deep when he wants to. Evidence: walking, walking, and more walking. And then bonding, bonding, and more bonding.
7. Dr. J and I could NEVER have created a child more stunning than the one we adopted. Every inch of her is stunning.
8. Wedding details are far less stressful when you are a bridesmaid than when you are Thee Bride (love ya, Lori!)
9. I am Sydney Ellen Wade.
10. Things can get better.
11. Faith does make things possible, not easy. Truly. Just like the sign said near my house.
    

WHAT I WANT TO DO IN THE NEW YEAR (my potpourri category winner):

1. Get toned again.
2. Buy a treadmill and not feel guilty about it. (LMAO).
3. Embrace DVR.
4. Not cry when on a business trip.
5. Take more long baths. Uninterrupted.
6. Start/Finish the Life Book.
7. Hike on every sunny day. Or at least use the jogging stroller.
8. Feel sexy again.
9. Stay unapologetically patriotic and in-love with our troops!
10. Hook up with Howard again.
11. Fall in love all over again.
    

Christmas Lovings and Longings

Okay, so this is the first year in quite a few that I don't dread Christmas. If you don't already know why, please feel free to check in on my other blog (which, I am thrilled to say, has well over 18,000 hits - WOW!)


Still, in spite of several shitty years of wishing I could fast forward from the day after Thanksgiving to sometime in January, there were always a few things I could count on as my Christmas Guilty Pleasures:

• The Vic.toria's Secre.t Fashion Show - it ALWAYS delivers! In my Fantasy Life, I am up there walking with them, blowing kisses, winking at the celebs in the crowd, and tossing my fabulous hair over my shoulder as I model dangerously sexy underwear.


• Christmas Crunch - mmmmm, a recipe passed to me by a guy from Nashville about a decade ago, it basically involves melting white chocolate overtop Ric.e Chex, Cheeri.os, peanuts, almonds, min-pretzels, and whatever else you feel like mixing in. Mmmm, white chocolate soooo smacks my lips of Christmastime!


• Shopping - okay, so I haven't had the money to do so, but I still enjoy the by-proxy feeling in the air while wandering the stores. The people-watching alone is worth the hassle to find a parking spot (of which I have terrific Parking Lot Karma!)


• Sending Out Christmas Cards - I do enjoy it, I admit it. I have trimmed my list back every year (I think we will probably only send about 90 this year, as I am pissed at the non-senders and late-senders). And this year I am not quite as much as living-in-fear at receiving photo cards, as you will see from this Other Blog Entry (okay, so maybe just a little bit, which will probably never go away). Please Jesus, nobody send me any glitter cards (embarrassing story), though I have learned my lesson, I swear!!!
• A Real Tree - want to like crazy, but CAN'T DEAL with thought of pine needles on my hardwood floors being possibly ingested by my Lil Pumpkin, nor can I handle the stress of her tipping it over and sappy water going everywhere. Hell, I am already dreading the constant chorus of "No, No, NO!" that will emit from my mouth as I try to keep her from yanking ornaments off of the artificial tree we will put up. I suspect it will look like something Cha.rlie Br.own would be ashamed of, as I can't possibly put up my favorite ornaments lest I chance an ER visit for a toddler who managed to swallow a sequin, glitter in her eyes, or some other bodily injury due to being poked by something too sharp for her inquisitive little hands. I never thought I'd be this stressed out by the thought of a Christma.s tree

Cysta-Bitch

So last Friday I was all hoo-ray about the sweet deal I got on those cysts being removed. I am STILL happy about the price, but let's recap the past week's developments on the issue . . .

Using the cream prescribed by the Physican Assistant (which, again, Praise Gawd, came with thee cheapest co-pay possible), my face has been peeling like I forgot to apply sunscreen while away on a tropical island somewhere. Okay, it's not THAT bad (am I dramatic? NEVER!!!) But the first week or so using the cream had me flaking and peeling. I was warned this would happen, but still it was annoying.

But after the scabbing from the cyst removal was finished I noticed that ONE of the cysts was still there, argh!!! Bitch, bitch, bitch! So I called the doctor's office and then said to come back in this morning for another go-see.

Luckily (for them and me and Dr. J, who had to listen to me whine) most of the peeling is now concluded. But they still needed to ZAP some of that one lingering-not-quite-yet-gone-bitch-cyst.

ZAP. ZAP. ZAP. ZAP. ZAP. ZAP. ZAP. ZAP. ZAP.

That was 9 times - did you count as you read along?! Yes, NINE ZAPS of the electric needle. Just under my eye.

I deserve . . . I dunno, SOMETHING for being so tough. For not crying. For not hitting or kicking anybody.

Maybe a cupcake. Or ice cream. Or a massage. Or all three.

Bitch, be gone!

Power Outages & A-Holes

Is is power outages that bring out the as*holes of the world, or is it the lure of free W.iFi?

I am too pissed to write out what some a-hole just said to me. But PHUCK am I ever pissed!

Now Somebody Else is Trying to Kill Me

As if my own attempts to physically injure myself weren't enough, apparently the County Health Department is also trying to "off me."

In preparation for our trip to China, we decided to get the recommended (though not required) Tetnu.s booster, and He.p A and H.ep B shots. The A & B shots are three-parters . . . you get parts one and two prior to your trip (must be a month apart), and the third part after your return.

Please note, that EACH time we get the H.ep A & B shots it costs us $188. That pisses me off to no end. I will wind up spending $564 in preventative vaccines. Insurance cuts you NO break, and these can not be administered by your regular PCP, because they are considered infectious diseases and thus can only be handled by the County Health Department. So add into this the cost of parking, and traveling a good 25 miles each way to the friggin' County Health Department, each time. Grrrrr. It further pisses me off that insurance cuts us NO BREAKS on these costs . . . but IF we come down with H.ep? Oh sure, THEN it will pay half a million bucks in hospitalization costs!

If you have not previously read my rant on the County Health Department, and all of it's nastiness, now is an appropriate time to do so. In mid-June we went for our second round of the shots.

With time growing short and our schedules likewise crazy in the closing days before we blast off to China, imagine my horror when last Friday I received a call from the County Health Department telling me that our second set of shots "Was No Good." Well, at least that's what it sounded like "Ana" was saying, because SHE DID NOT SPEAK PASSABLE ENGLISH!!! Now listen, before I get unfairly labeled a racist or any bullshit like that, please know that my pediatrician, my favorite dentist, and my current PCP, RE, and OB/GYN are ALL foreign-born, with English as their second language. Great, no problem. I love accents (hell, I married one), and admire greatly people who are bi-lingual. But when you are being called with such critical information as "gee, the vaccine isn't valid!" I don't think it's too much to EXPECT that the messenger speak passable English!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, a call center overseas has better English speakers.

I was told some bullshit that the 'fridge which stored our second round of vaccines "had a temperature failure," and thus we need to repeat it. But that they're would be "no charge" for doing so. WERE THEY PHUCKING KIDDING ME?! Hullo?!?!? I asked "And who will be paying for my parking, my gas costs, and our time off of work? And will the clinic be open for extended hours to accomodate us?"

Any guesses on the answer to THOSE questions?! Of course, all "No's". I guess "Ana" knew I wasn't a Happy Camper, because she said she would have a supervisor call be back. Damn right, "Ana"!!!

So "Sharon" called me back about 10 minutes later, and gives me the same B.S. about a 'fridge failing, and thus we didn't have the proper immunity. WTF?! I asked, WHY, if we got the second round of shots on June 17th, I was being informed of a "temperature failure"on July 11th? Oh, um, because the County Health Dept. consulted with the CDC, and the CDC recommended they call people and have the vaccine repeated. Again, I ask, "why am I being told this NOW? We leave for China in 2 weeks -- what if we had already left?!" Well "Sharon" then said "Well you need to have 28 days in between Parts One and Two, so you couldnt' have come in before next Monday anyway." Which prompted me to ask incredulously, "YOU SAID IT'S NOT VALID - SO WHY WOULD I NEED TO WAIT UNTIL MONDAY ANYWAY?!" Then Sharon said "Well, we're not sure how much of it was good."

WHAT PHUCKING CLOWNS ARE WORKING ON MY PHUCKING TAX DOLLARS?!?!

I gave "Sharon" an earful as to HOW they need somebody with a better command of the English language to make these calls than Ana, and how I had lived in California, so I am not some anti-immgrant b*tch who is complaining, but when it comes to important medical stuff like this it DOES make a difference -- cause for a few scary moments while on the phone with "Ana" I thought she was telling me that I had somehow contracted He.p A and/or B!!! Sharon surprisingly agreed with me when it came to Ana.

I think me throwing around "My husband is a doctor" also got her attention, because suddenly she was willing to stay as late as 10 p.m. to accomodate his schedule. In retrospect, and after speaking with a colleague about this, I think "Sharon the Supervisor" is more worried that between myself and My Doctor Husband we will raise a public stink about this, and the County Health Dept (and its employees) will be in even Deeper Shit.

What's kinda comical is that I am connected enough politically (thanks to my job) to the County elected officials who sit on the committees that fund the County Health Department, as well as have oversight on it. I could cause some serious-ass trouble if I wanted to. Plus, what low-levcel reporter isn't looking for a possible investigative story to help them get a leg up in the newsroom?!

But honestly, I am too rushed right now with other stuff, too preoccupied with trying to sew up things before we leave, too tired from lack of sleep, too frazzled with worries and fears, too agitated by little stuff . . . to go through all of that.

So instead, we took "Sharon" up on her offer to meet us after hours and get our second round of shots. And we even got a free parking spot closeby. Even funnier, since she knew we needed these shots in conjunction with our adoption, she gave us a free bib and onesie with the emblem of the County Health Department on it as a baby gift. She was VERY pleasant in person.

Don't ya just LOVE that?! LMAO (cause otherwise I will cry).

Just praying I can get through these remaining days without any more mishaps (self-inlflicted or otherwise). But I am waiting for some ninja to jump out at me, I swear. Next?!

More Self-Inflicted Punishment

Sheesh, when it rains it pours. And clearly, this has been MY WEEK to injure or otherwise cause harm to myself.

Last night, I decided to remove the cutesy pink toenail polish that has been on my tootsies since early-May, when I treated myself to a pedicure prior to a business trip. For some reason, polish stays on my toes pretty well (maybe because I don't walk around barefoot, I don't know). So I grab the non-acetone polish remover (you must use non-acetone lest you cause serious damage to the silk wraps that are on your manicured nails -- I know, it's complicated being a girly girl, and I have had a lot of catching up to do in the last decade). It took some SERIOUS rubbing to get this shit off. My hands were actually cramping from the effort (and I do a lot of texting, so my hands are in shape, LOL).

Once it was done I made sure to scrub my hands with hot soap and water. That's when I did something stoopid. I decided this would be a marvelous time to take out my contacts. As I brought my hands to my left eye, I could still smell the vapors on my scrubbed-clean hands. I plunged ahead anyway. The vapors from my hands had my eye buring like friggin' hell! But what was I gonna do?! One was now out, and my vision is too poor to walk around with just one in so I endured the burning and yanked out the other one. Fearing that somehow a trace amount of chemicals were now on my contacts, I pitched this 2-day-old pair straight into the garbage. PHUCK -- I hate wasting money like that!

I flushed my eyes with a ton of cold water, which seemed to soothe my peepers. But this morning I was in for a lovely surprise . . . my eyelids had some peeling skin on them, and were super-puffy! They haven't been this bad since we lived in the Silicon Valley/Bay Area (which I then atributed to pollution and allergies). When we lived out there I used to fix this the ol' Miss A.merica way -- which means whipping out a tube of hemor.roid cream and applying some on my eyelids. Go ahead, laugh your asses off - pageant queens swear by it and guess what, IT WORKS! Whatever is in that cream to shrink a hemorroid, and in a non-inflammatory manner (cause really, if you need it for THAT that last thing you need is more burning), ALSO works the same way on your eyelids! It works miracles.

But alas, I had none in the medicine closet, so I skipped my eye makeup and went about my day. And my day was going fine. I was hustling to get done at work early because I had bumped up my bi-weekly manicure to earlier in the day so I could ultimately go to the airport that evening to welcome home some friends who had just returned from China with their new daughter.

I prepared my spaghetti lunch for the microwave, and was walking through the hallway at work when I looked at my one hand thought "Aw shit, my fingernail broke. Dammit!" Eh, no wonder with all of the typing, texting, and crap I have been doing around the house, I reasoned.

But then came the 4th time in a few days in which I inadvertantly caused bodily harm to myself. I was enjoying my spaghetti at my desk, multi-tasking as usual, when suddenly I felt something crunchy in my mouth. Wanna guess when that fingernail broke and wear it landed?

Disgusting. I am a mess, I swear. I should have "crime scene" tape wrapped around me. I am a CSI delight of an episode. Grrrrrr.

Worst Husband Moment

I usually pride myself on the fact that I don't have one of "those husbands" when it comes to remembering the important things. He knows the date of our anniversary (made it easy for him, getting married 11 years to the day of our first date), he never forgets birthdays or holidays, yadda. He does f'in forget every other gawddamn thing, but important dates and dating/marriage details he rocks at!

Which is why it was so shocking this evening, when he completely flubbed on a big one . . . he can not remember what our wedding song is. Oh wait, he remembers something, it's just the incorrect name of the singer, and he is drawing a blank on the song itself.

This was revealed when I casually mentioned some additions I made to the web site we have created for our pending China trip. I told him I put some of the lyrics from our wedding song on it, and teased "You DO know what that song is, right, hee-hee?!"

Dr. J replies, "Oh yeah, it's that one by Marc Cohn."

WRONG!

So now I am NOT telling him the name of the song, nor the singer who crooned it.

NOTE TO DR. J -- it is NOT Marc Cohn. You are thinking of "True Companion," which is a song we both love and considered as our first dance song, but hon, it ain't it!

Lemme know when you figure it out, dumbshit. (Saying that with lots of luv and you know it).

Best Week Ever

Congrats to Dr. J, since last week was your "Best Week Ever"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, this was quite predictable, as you know . . . since THIS one is a holiday weekend. And then in three weeks we are taking off for another freakin' continent. OF COURSE THEN EVERYBODY WILL WANT A PIECE OF YOU!

Very proud of you, Sweetie ;o)

Countdown to Grown-Up Land

I have often thought and remarked that I don't feel like a Grown-Up, certainly not an Adult. I always reasoned that "Grown-Ups have a mortgage and kids." Whew, I was safely not a member of that club!

Then one day we decided we wanted to have the latter (the kid). Which, because of the cards Life dealt us, and the path we choose, necessitated the former (the house, which = mortgage).

The house was not something we wanted. For over a year now I have felt like I have let everybody down when they say to us with a happy voice, "Don't you love having a house!" Um, uh, NO, we don't! I love my hardwood floors. I love shouting at the tops of my lungs (could do that at our old funky apartment, though). I love that the house made our adoption possible. I love that the walls in Lil' Pumpkin's nursery are bright green and blue (as opposed to "rental white" or cream). But I most certainly do not love having a house. Sigh. On our best days, I would put us in the "reluctant homeowner" category. I will be forever working towards my dream of three-story townhouse -- I even have it picked out, if anyone wants to buy it for grateful me (try me, I am GREAT at being GRATEFUL!!!)

But now I am less than 3o days (28, if anyone's counting -- oh wait, I AM!) to being a legal parent to somebody. I already feel like her parent, of course. I have filled out endless (and I do mean ENDLESS) paperwork to justify our relationship & responsibility. I have updated my life insurance to name her as a big winner if we croak. We now have wills, which name her as the heir to our estate (LOL -- then SHE can deal with the house, hee hee), and name her Legal Guardians if, again, we croak (seeing her name in our wills gave me such a reality-check rush, but in a good way). Heck, I even have her pediatrician appointment booked! Phuck, I am even tossing out phrases like "Maternity Leave" in emails to colleagues. WTF?!

Part Two of being a Grown-Up, which, by my definition, is what I am on the verge of these last 28 days, is clearly within my grasp. It is just around the corner, and yet painfully far away. I suck at waiting, of course. When I want something, I want it NOW. No, make that YESTERDAY.

But Part Two, as much as it's craved (okay, SHE is craved by us), seems so scary at the same time. I am aware of this about a thousand times a day as I move about my not-loved but toddler-proofed house. I see hazards everywhere. I think about all the things that can go wrong -- my old fears and pessimism never can be fully quelled, I suppose. I take out her photos and glance at it, for just a few quick seconds, and then have to put it away. It's like I am afraid that if I stare at it too long, or dream too much, then POOF, it will all be gone. Because that IS when things typically go to shit in my life -- when I start to get comfortable with a concept or state of being.

(Cue my positive mantras . . . she is ours, she is ours, she is ours).

28 days. Holy Phuck. Should I be doing something wild to mark these last days as a NON-adult?! What is truly crazy and non-kiddie that I can do to commemorate my last fleeting days of life that don't include a toddler? Maybe I need to pull our my "24 things" list again. LOL, if only we had time to do one a day (not).

F' Mick.ey M.ouse. And F' Me, too.

I can not believe this. I received in the mail some piece of paper from some bank or whatever saying that during transfer of paperwork that contained shareholder information of Disney stockholders, a truck lost or misplaced some boxes that contained paperwork with my private information. I think this means IDENTITY THEFT is imminent. Of course it is. They are offering me 90 days of free credit monitoring, but actually I am not too worried because (through an employee benefit) I already have a credit monitoring service that checks my credit reports monthly for anything funky.

All this, because like 20+ years ago somebody in the family (I think my Dad?) bought me two friggin' shares of Disney stock. From which I get dividends yearly that add up to about 78 cents. Really, I am NOT exaggerating. It ranges from 43 to 97 cents in a given year. It costs me more to have this shit noted on my taxes returns and turn it over to the CPA.

So, I say FUCK M.ICKEY MO.USE!!!

And now, for the F' Me portion of the program . . .

I have been waaaaaay M.I.A. from my blog (well, this one at least), and my emails, and my workouts, and just generally absentminded. I don't like that. I miss the subsistence I had created for myself, even if I am moving onward and upward. But part of why I have been so M.I.A. lately is because I have been wrapped up in trying to help someone who has become very dear to me. This friend has been (in my blunt words), been operating in some other alternate reality . . . they weren't keeping aware of just what their situation was and is. I guess because I have/am/are kinda been there/done that, the things I said to this friend was a massive jolt to them, and it snapped them into acknowledging what their reality is, and examining themself and their options.

To put it mildly, I felt like a Dream Crusher. Like I sucked the wind out of someone's sails. I rained on their parade. I stole the rainbow they were painting.

I felt, and still do, feel terrible about all of this. I know I did the right thing by gently enlightening them (yes, stop snickering, I do actually have my gentle moments). It will help them in the long run to know the truth, and maybe they will learn from my own proactivity that burying your head in the sand won't fill an aching hole in your heart.

I want so badly to comfort this friend. And I have spent much free time over the past two weeks trying to do so. And to even help them acquire the mental and physical tools to empower themself. I have done so at risk to my personal well-being, and schluffed off some of my work responsibilities in order to do so. (I don't regret the latter).

I just feel crummy about all of it. I did nothing wrong, I am being uber-helpful to them.

I still feel like "DREAM CRUSHER" should be stamped on my forehead. SIGH.

Sucking Wind

So much has been going on in my life, and yet I am too stressed or busy or overwhelmed to speak of it.

Okay, so let me at least mark another reluctant weekend of home improvement progress . . . we managed the following:

• Bought more necessary crap for our pending trip to China (me, with help from my Mommy)
  
• Swept the basement (me)
  
• Swept the garage (Dr. J)
  
• Assembled the pressure-mounted baby gate (Me)
• Rust removal and repainting of porch railing (Dr. J, last week -- thank you!!!)
• Assembled the jogging stroller (joint effort)
• Assembled the regular stroller (me, last week)
• Ceiling fan with light mounted in baby's room (friend)
• Mounted the white wooden letters spelling baby's name on the wall above her bed (joint effort -- kee-rist what an ordeal, WHO KNEW?!?!)

Up next:

• Mounting of FOUR pressure-mounted baby gates (I really need to purchase this, I swear)
• More buying of necessary crap for trip
• Put foam bumpers on every conceivable sharp corner in living room, dining room, and baby's room
• Reorganize hall closet
• Rearrange linen closet, making room for baby's stuff and tub essentials
• Wash & soften up her sheets & pillowcases
• Steal lightweight suitcases from friends and family (USA weight limits on luggage are 55 pounds / China's are 44 pounds. Grrrr.)
• 6,413 other things that I keep re-remembering and re-forgetting. And reminding Mr. No-Short-Term-Memory (aka the lovely Dr. J) about them

Eh, at least we finally got our swimsuits for the trip. I can't believe I got a two-piece (top & bottom) AND a coverup skirt for the hotel, and managed to not have a self-loathing moment throughout it. WOW!

Miracles never cease, I guess.

IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!! (And I couldn't be happier!)

Yeah, the Pens lost in game 6 tonight of the Stanley Cups Finals.

I won't have to be bothered by another friggin' hockey game until next season.

Thank you, Jesus.

I love sports. But hockey is my least favorite. I think I would almost rather watch NASCAR or Indy Car racing.

I don't care that the Pittsb.urgh Pe.nguins were in it. At least respect me for not jumping on the bandwagon like so many others. Would have been nice for the true local fans, granted.

YEAH, IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Kirsten 2.0 tried to blackmail me by stating (in reply to an email I sent her about how glad I would be when all of this was over) that she'd rat me out to Dr. J about this -- LMAO! You think he doesn't KNOW this already?! Sweetie, remember, I HAVE NO FILTER!!!!!!!!!

PHUCK, that hurt! (a.k.a. Our Visit to the County Health Department)

Dr. J and I elected to get several shots (on the advice of our G.P.) in advance of our pending summer trip to China. After checking around we learned that one of the shots is ONLY offered by our County Health Department, and they had evening hours one night a week that would accomodate Dr. J's schedule. So off we went, checkbook in hand (check or cash only, please!)

We decided to get the tetanus booster, Hep A, and Hep B vaccines.

This is the sign that greeted us as we walked into the building . . .


Then we saw THIS sign as we waited for the elevator that would take us to the 3rd floor. Immediately, I said to Dr. J, "be careful what you touch while here. And don't touch me at all."

Oh, here's ANOTHER fun sign that had my germ-phobia starting to kick into panic mode . . .

Lemme say, I am NO wimp, okay?! I can, have, and do deal with physical pain just fine, thank you very much.

However, when that nurse put the Hep A & B combo shot into my arm, it hurt! I swear that thing was given intramuscular or something?! And the moment she pulled the needle out I actually winced! YOWZA! Hey, I got allergy shots for years, so I am NOT afraid of needles. And kee-rist after LAST summer's medical follies where my va-jay-jay went through the friggin' wringer I know I am tough enough. But DAMMIT THIS HURT!

We waited the obligatory 5 minutes post-vaccines, and promised to return in one month's time to get the second phase of the Hep shots. And that's when perhaps the "best moment" presented itself out of this whole germy experience. We exited the elevator back on the 1st floor, and I spotted this sign . . .

Immediately, I start cracking up, while making all sorts of highly inappropriate remarks to Dr. J, who is somewhere between wanting to vomit and laugh hysterically. It's at this point that a janitor happens to overhear us, (cue the voice of Nicolas Cage from the movie "Peggy Sue Got Married,"), nods in our direction at the sign and says "THAT'S THE REAL WORLD RIGHT THERE."

LMAO!!!!!!!!! Hullo, are we high right now? Or just dreaming? It was insane. And awesomely bad. Perfect.


A final gross-out photo . . . this, along with other photo examples of highly contagious diseases, were prominently displayed on the walls of the waiting room where we sat for 30 minutes waiting our turn to be jabbed. I made sure to send a copy of it to Jay (Lori's fiance), who promptly replied, "They paid me $100 to pose for that. And $500 for the herpes one -- have you seen it yet?" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad Blogger

I have been a bad, bad, blogger lately.

I have LOTS to say, just too little time to type it out. Busy with a sudden project in my personal life.

Work also has me waaaaay busy, since it's Primary Season in my state, and a lot of my job involves the political realm.

So I am going to cheat and do a "Random Musings" list of unflitered thoughts that have popped into my mind recently:

• J.Lo -- honey, please stop pretending those twins are "just completely natural." We all KNOW you had fertility help. That's okay, we love you anyway! We know you have suffered m/c's, and we're happy for you. But please, stop kidding us, okay?!


• Dammit, I need to get a new purse. My shit don't fit -- evidenced by the apparent disappearing act of my blessed Ray-Bans. (Cue me pouting and tearing up). I can't not live without sunglasses. I have SUPER-sensitive eyes, the kind that blink in pain if I get near a light bulb, I swear. I never even turn on the lights in my office. PLEASE RAY-BANS, FIND YOUR WAY BACK TO ME! I swear I will invest in a bigger, more fashionable purse if you come back to mama!!!


• Where can I find an inexpensive throw rug for a bedroom? Other than Target, I have no clue. Eh, maybe IKEA, if they aren't too funky.


• WHY THE PHUCK DOESN'T IKEA HAVE WEDDING AND BABY REGISTRIES?! Seriously, this is ridiculous!!!!!!! TONS of people furnish their homes and nurseries via IKEA -- I just can't understand this?!


• It sucks that 2.0 and MH live thousands of miles away. I need them here, to make The Posse complete.


• There are waaaaaay too many children's sippy cups on the market. People, it's a sippy cup, not technology that launches the space shuttle. Designers, get a friggin' life and find something new to re-invent for gawd's sake!

Okay, time to go stalk the blogs of the strangers whose world's I am fascinated by.