People I'd Like To Strangle

The bookkeeper at my office is such a pain in my ass. I have tried everything to make this old bag happy, and nothing works! I have turned in my expense reports extra early, told her to take as long as she needs to cut the checks, have been painfully nice, have made small talk about topics that she enjoys (Rush Limbaugh, her granddaughters), stayed out of her way, yadda, yadda. And she still hates me.

I know she liked my predecessor a great deal. Look lady, he was FIRED months before I came on board. I had nothing to do with it. I know you resent the boss because of it. I know you resent me though I have nothing to do with it. But Gawd Almighty, I do good work, am unfailingly polite, and was selected from among 142 other applicants for this job -- WTF more do you want?!

PLEASE RETIRE YE OLDE WINDBAG!!! (My boss has asked me to hang on for a time period of not more than 6 months, during which time he thinks he will have a proper "exit plan" for her).

This gave me an idea for a "To Be Strangled" list (like a "to do" list):

• The office bookkeeper
• The nasty woman I spoke to at my local Water & Sewer Authority this morning
• My In-Laws, at present
  
• My old boss at "High School" (my code name for prior employer)
• A handful of local elected officials
• "Grapes" from "High School"
• The limo company from my wedding (still can't discuss)
• A handful of national elected officials
  

Oi Vey. I wish my office was like that of a soap opera, and I could pour myself a stiff drink right now.

***Disclaimer -- I would never physically harm someone first. It would only be in self-defense. Thus, all of this is a JOKE!!! ***