Some folks have days that begin one way and then do a full 180 degree turn. Not me. And certainly not my Tuesday. Mine didn't even come back around and form a full circle. Instead it reminded me of a coil, making ring after ring after ring, but never quite connecting. Which was the trajectory of my mental state yesterday, too.
Day started off okay, with me semi-fresh faced and looking forward to a mildly productive morning. Then shit with gawddamn Homeland Security had me feeling so amazingly helpless and frustrated that I was in tears. Okay, it was more than tears. I had to close my doors and do the whimper thing, I admit it.
My sweet boss -- just before I shut the door to my office, but clearly "on the verge" so to say -- happened to peak his head into my office, took one look at my face and said softly "Are you okay?" I started to nod but then then slowly shook my head back and forth. He then whispered "You know where to find me if you need to talk" and exited. Clearly, the man is the father of two daughters and KNOWS when to leave a girl alone.
So I pull myself together and make it to my lunchtime appointment. I did so by employing my occasional technique of pretending I am Scarlet O'Hara when she says "Well, I'll think about that tomorrow" -- which is my way of shelving the shit, at least temporarily. (I call it a Scarlet O'Hara moment, but author Elizabeth Marquardt calls it the survivor technique of being a "chameleon" -- whatever, I am happy to just not be labeled "crazy" most days).
The lunch appointment went well. Actually, I take that back. It went REALLY well. So, that improved my mood greatly. Which lasted for the next couple of hours, thankfully.
Then I went to my rescheduled manicure appointment with Melissa. Damn, she should be allowed to bill my health insurance, I swear. And that goes for my hairstylist, Shannen, too. So Melissa does my nails, we each knock back a drink, and trade personal gossip and wild moments. So mellowed out, I then head off to an adoption lecture that Dr. J and I had signed up for.
Only I noticed I had missed a call from my boss while Melissa and I were having our giggly therapy moment.
So I called Boss Man, and find out that at the following day's BoD meeting (which I already knew would include a discussion about budget-tightening) one of the talking points would include cutting MY TRAVEL BUDGET! Worse yet, some BoD members thought that I should NOT go to Vegas for our big national conference, as a cost-cutting measure.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!
Cue the coil as I wrap right back around reality, and the happy, warm post-lunch-sliding-right-into-manicure buzz suddenly evaporates and the morning stress is right smack back! WTF?!
Oh no, people, I am SO going to Vegas. Don't even phucking mess with me on this one. Don't.
So now I am wound up tighter than . . . well, let's just say tight. And now I have to go to a lecture I so don't want to be at, and spend several hours mulling over the pending BoD meeting, and trying NOT to think about how much I hate having to be at this lecture because it's just a reminder of the fact that we are here after, well, you know.
I burst into tears in the parking lot from the compounding stress. I take out the stress by flipping out on Dr. J. Then I spend the next hour apologizing and feeling like a bitch, only barely listening to the lecture. Thank goodness Dr. J made fun of the oh-so-earnest and obvious Vegan couple sitting near us, as it got me to loosen up a bit, and I started to relax.
THEN the big ol' medical emergency happened. Some guy got up and walked behind my chair and out of the corner of my eye I saw him walk into the hallway and RIGHT INTO THE WALL, full speed ahead! Really. He just absolutely crashed into it, and then hit the floor, POW. I screamed for my husband, who jumped up and raced out to the dude, and yelled to a nearby security guard to call 911. Okay, so I had this mini "moment" if you will, where all of the other adoptive couples kept whispering to me "Is your husband a doctor?" and I was trying to nod solemnly, but inside was beaming for my man, who had taken control of the situation. And I knew I would be a little less resentful when I made out his next student loan payment.
Like I said, my day wasn't quite full circle, but a big ass coil . . . with my emotions going round and round, in constant motion but without a clear direction.
Oh, and by the way, this morning as I was trying to comprehend yet ADDITIONAL bullshit from Homeland Security (this is beyond yesterday's crap), I deftly took my Boss and the BoD President aside, separately of course (hullo, divide and conquer!), pre-BoD meeting and let them know my well-reasoned opinion on matters regarding my travel & expenses budget. When it came time for the budget discussion portion of the meeting, I (along with other staff) were excused from the meeting.
And 35 minutes later . . . I got the verdict:
VEGAS, BABY!!!!!!!!!!
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