Billy Mays

We were saddened and shocked to hear the news about Bill Mays. With all of the celeb-deaths lately (Farrah, Ed McMahon, Mi.chael Ja.ckson, Fred Travelina), I care most about Billy. Think about it . . . this guy had more impact and effect on the average person's life (or house or possessions) than any of the so-called bona-fide celebrities. And ya gotta admire someone this scrappy, who schills the ol' fashion way, but taking the salesmanship to a new level. My stepfather grew up in the same neighborhood as Mr. Mays and knew him as a youth (which I didn't know until last night).


Dr. J liked Billy Mays, but in the past 6 or so months he has been lured to the dark side, becoming a Vince Shlomi groupie. Vince, you probably know better as the "Sham-WOW" guy on the infomercials. As soon as we learned of Mr. Mays' death, I turned to Dr. J and said "I hope your Vince has an airtight alibi!"

I have to add in a Biden-quip, in our never-ending quest to work Biden into all scenarios . . . had Biden been the paramedic who responded to the Mays' 911 call, Billy would be alive today. But Biden can't do everything (he has to save some things for Chuck Norris, right?!).

Makes me wanna go out and stock up on the products Billy pitched, as a final tribute.

WE "HEART" YOU, BILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: Thanks to Chrissie, for alerting me to the fact that ol' Vince is a thug! Yep, I'd say this makes him the prime suspect, eh?!

Sanford & Sin (how overused it THAT?!)

Okay, while everyone in the media and political circles is a'busy ridin' high on their proverbial horse about oh-how-wrong or oh-how-the-mighty-have-fallen Governor Sanford is, I am gonna take a slightly different tack.

I should first disclose that I do not give TWO SHITS what someone does in their personal, se.xual life. Seriously. So long as it does not involve children or animals, I. DO. NOT. GIVE. TWO. SHITS! I don't believe in those kind of Litmus Tests when it comes to holding elected office. Now, do I want someone who abuses drugs or alcohol, or is unkind to animals or abuses (physically or mentally) their children serving the public via elected office?! A big, fat, "NO!" But if it has to do with matters of their se.x life, I don't care. Things are scary on the economic front, we are facing giant terro.rism issues (domestic and abroad), and I have my own day-to-day crap to contend with. So, Sanford (or insert whomever else is gettin' play on the side) is having a side of fries with their happ.y meal? Yawn. Next!

But here is what I find intriguing about the Sanford situation . . . have you read the emails?! I am actually impressed at how thoughtful they seem. Whether he is or not, they seem rather heartfelt, with that long-distance/circumstances-preventing quality to it. When I heard the media report there were emails, I was expecting "Oooh baby, your t*ts are so fine, I can't wait to phuck you again," yadda yadda. So, what they did exhange was quite a surprise to me.

Still, it was a dumb ass move on his part to try and keep a trip to Argentina on the ol' down low. DUDE, you are the GOVERNOR of state! You can't be pullin' disappearing acts, ya know?! How can a guy be smart enough to get elected governor, yet dumb enough to drive HIS OWN SUV to the airport, and fly under his own name (I realize, you can't fly under a fake name anymore), and venture to a FOREIGN COUNTRY. Cuckoo, anyone?! I don't think he should resign over this. But I do think his judgement should be questioned for making so many dumb ass moves - this guy is in charge of the S.C. Nat'l Guard?! Shouldn't his Cloak & Dagger skills be just a wee bit better, therefore?!

Biden blogging

I realized that we need a place in which to record all of the amazing things Joe Biden does, that he is not getting credit for in the media. Like landing that plane safely on the Hudson (LOL, it wasn't Sully, that's a coverup!) Or rescuing those sailors taken captive by the pirates (please, Navy seals my ass). It was BIDEN, baby! He rescues kittens from trees repeatedly, he sorts recycling in urban neighborhoods, he shovels the snow of the White House driveways, and so much more. And the media IGNORES all of this!

Remember that plane a few days ago, flying across the Atlantic, in which the pilot died and the co-pilot had to take over? First of all, the co-pilot was "Roger Murdoch," (hullo, Kareem Abdul Jabar), and what you didn't hear was that Biden was dispatched from his bunker, and a cable was hooked up from Air Force Two to the plane. Biden then zip-lined it into the plane, served drinks and passed peanuts to the passengers, and THEN landed that plane safely.

WHY DOESN'T BIDEN GET CREDIT FOR THESE DEEDS?! Conservative conspiracy, I tell ya.

Angels (that's my peeps in Cali), please make sure to remind me to record other Biden acts as we become aware of them - if we don't stand up for Biden, who will be left to stand up for us?!

Happy Father's Day (oh bee-have!)

I could take a few minutes to write about how Dr. J is such a wonderful father (he is), and how much Lil Pumpkin loves him (she does). But I don't think either of us will remember his first Father's Day for any of those sentimental reasons.

Instead, Dr. J will remember, for the first time, being thankful for Caill.ou, and how it captures Lil Pumpkin's attention completely.

So that WE could both have a few free minutes be upstairs while she was occupied downstairs. Which prompted us, for the first time ever, to utter the line "Just a minute, sweetheart, Mummy is, uh, helping Daddy with something upstairs. We'll be downstairs in a minute!"

[Cue the adult giggling and mad scramble to put back on our clothes, ("Where are my shorts?!") and return back to the first floor before Lil Pumpkin's inquiries escalated into wails].

Hee hee.

Oh, and here is probably our best verbal exchange of the day:

• Ms. J: "I forgot to get you a card. Hope you don't mind."
• Dr. J: "This is better. It has sound effects."

Get a Grip, SENATOR MA'AM!

What an idiot. Seriously, she is a fruitcake on may issues, but I am aghast that she would feel the need to direct an Army Brigadier General to call her "Senator." And then follow up with "It's just a thing, I worked so hard to get that title, so I'd appreciate it," . . . um, 'cause the Brigadier General didn't work, um, HARDER, to get HIS title?!


Lady, get your thumb out of your ass and wise up. Ever hear of military protocol?! It's not an insult* to be called "ma'am," especially in the military. It's a sign of respect and infinitely good manners.

* For the record, as long as it's being done with respect and/or affection (and especially if said by a man with a southern accent), I enjoy being called "Sweetie," "Honey," or referred to as a "girl".

WWCND?

We have been re-decorating (or trying to, at least) our bedroom. We haven't done squat to it since moving into our house over two years ago (that's sad, huh?!), and well, it's time.

In trying to be resourceful, but creative, I went into a fabric store (cue the scary music) to look for potential fabric for curtains. I ran across this "wall art" appliques and purchased an NYC city skyline for us to potentially put on one wall (looks great with a brightly colored wall behind it). It got me thinking to wall quotes that I have seen on some decorating sites. Now, normally I think these look good, but that people choose dumb ass, hokey, mushy quotes that essentially de-ball any man who portends to live in that abode.

So Dr. J and I got to thinking . . . why not put up an outrageous quote in our bedroom, that makes US laugh, and satisfies US?! Hell, it's OUR BEDROOM, and it's no supposed to be a crowdpleaser, just a WE-pleaser!

Which brought us to Chuck Norris (of course, LOL), and the awesome Chuck Norris Facts site. It's probably been a good year since we were on this web site, and damn, it makes us laugh so hard and loud every time!!! Seriously, it felt like old times as we giggled over them. So, yeah, we're being all low-rent and actually considering putting a Chuck Norris Fact on our bedroom walls. It's OUR room, after all. And if it puts us in a playful mood, and feel connected, then, well, isn't that The Point?!

(Think the Realtor will want us to remove it when it comes time to sell, LMAO?!)

T-6

Well, it's ON. Date Night, or DOUBLE-DATE night, is on!

I am not sure which I am more excited about . . . an actual DATE NIGHT for Dr. J and I, or getting together with our totally awesome cousins, "Dan" and "Nancy" (yes, there is the need to hide their identities, because of their occupations, just like Dr. J and I have to stay semi-anonymous to protect our public identities, too)?!

This will probably be more tame than some of our previous togethers for the simple reason that we are now all parents who, no matter blitzed or blasted we get, no matter how wild the night . . . we are STILL gonna have to be up bright and early the following day with our respective little girls. Sure, both of us couples' could easily get a set of grandparents to take our Little Princesses for the night - but I don't think either couple is yet ready for that (even if our daughters are).

Dr. J and I truly need some grown-up time, away from the bitching and moaning about shit having to do with the house & bills & the other awful responsibilities that come with being an adult. And we both are guaranteed some good laughs and family gossip via Dan, with Nancy there to validate and keep all of us hooligans in check.

Thinking back over the pre-parenthood days with Dan and Nancy inspired me to pull-up and re-post my favorite photo of Dan (which I took, after Dr. J and I duct-taped the dumb ass to his floor when he got smashed at his little sister's wedding reception). I am such a smart ass that the following year I actually framed this photo and made it a Bingo prize at our annual Thankgiving gathering (we play Bingo). How can you not look forward to seeing someone who provides you with this opportunity?! And for the record, Nancy was right there when we duct-taped her husband, shaking her head and saying "it's his own fault for getting this drunk."

Fittingly, we are going to the drive in to see the new movie, "Hangover." LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Back to Political Blogging . . .

It is complete bullshit that O.bama is allowed to get away with this. The double standard, the press corps hypocrisy . . . mind-boggling! Having worked for a quasi-gov't agency that was told by the Governor to use the phucked-up equation of "for every $88,000 in grant money, we count it as one white-collar job, and for every $44,ooo as one blue-collar job," and yet there were no REAL metrics demonstrating this, well, I understand all too well that the spew coming out of the Ob.ama Administration is utter, magical, bullshit.

Cue the unicorns and rainbows!

The Media Fall for Phony 'Jobs' Claims

Surburbia Sunday

My gawd, my husband expanded his yardwork repetoire. Call the media! Hey, I give him loads of credit . . . I was explicit when we bought this house, "I do not do yardwork nor home improvement." And I have stuck to it. Dr. J loathes the yardwork too, having been dispatched to do some of these chores for his mother as a youth (bad memories).

So, I hafta admit, the fact that he DOES do some of these things, well, I find it hot! Sure, I am gonna mock him without mercy, and treat him like the hired help (ooh lah lah), but it is sexy when a man does stuff around the house, especially when it's something outside of their comfort zone.


While Dr. J did the manual labor, I played lifeguard to our Lil Pumpkin, who played in her wading pool on our front lawn. (When she needed additional water added to it, I called for "the poolboy" to come fill it up, hee hee). It was a very white-trash/low-rent moment, as I was laying on our front lawn, sipping Chilean wine from a plastic cup (because I didn't want to risk breaking one of my beautiful Spiegelau bordeaux goblets), wearing my two-piece bathing suit, while monitoring our gorgeous Chinese ball of frenetic energy splash and jump around.

Dr. J managed to capture a relaxed, mellowed smile on my face, while I stiffled a laugh since our Lil Pumpkin had her sunglasses on upside down!

When I reviewed the photos he had taken, I figured out why "the poolboy/landscaper" had been so eager to photograph the Lady of The House . . .

Down boy, down! (But thanks for the flattering photography, nonetheless!)