Shifting My Mental State

This week has been a roller coast of emotions. I would classify it as the 4th-worst week of my life. Thanks to all of my insane friends for their attempts to lift me up, yet again. I love yinz, big time.

So here's my attempt to distract myself . . . let's react to the latest article by one of my new-favorite columnists, "SexPert" Dr. Yvonne Fulbright:

10 ISSUES AFFECTING HER ABILITY TO ORGASM

Some thoughts worth sharing:

• Yes, ladies of the world, DO get to know your body. Granted, I think as I have gotten older, and more comfortable with myself and sex in general, I am better at helping things along with such helpful articulations as "a little to the left," "faster," "lighter," "no wait, harder," "yes, right there," and the crowning moment phrase of "don't stop!" I honestly think that the age/maturity factor of women has a lot to do with this. Most men I have discussed it with agree that older women are far better in bed than some young chickie. Young Chickie (and by this I mean 18-24) may be cute and have a tight ass, but like I said, most guys have told me that a woman who falls in the 30-45 category will actually be far friskier and more exciting in the sack, because she knows herself, and is more likely to give a man directions. And as we all know, men never stop to ask , hee-hee!

• Women DO get stuck in their own head -- we are thinking about big things (bills, work projects, etc.) and little (the laundry, errands, that the ceiling fan needs to be dusted). This is why "transition time" (a.k.a. FOREPLAY) is so important. MEN OF THE WORLD -- your woman HAS let you know what her "transition" is -- it may be more kissing, a margarita, a massage, having her feet rubbed, possibly all of these! So LISTEN next time, and don't just phucking phone it in! I can't tell you how many times I have had a friend say "I love kissing, and he knows it. But he thinks if we kiss for 2 minutes that BAM it's enough and time for him to get laid." [NOTE: This is NOT a rip on men post, everyone knows I am MUCH tougher on women than men!!!]

• Damn straight, intercourse is NOT enough to turn a woman on, or make her "O". Men, listen, we love your passion, and your enthusiasm, but somewhere along the way you were sold a bill of goods if you think rocking away like a jackhammer is making us "O". Um, really, it's not. It may very well be exciting and feel great (even to us), but we women are built different. And it feels different. God gave you hands, and a mouth. And he gave us all sorts of delicious body parts for you to explore with your hands and mouth. Try a new place once in a while, and see what happens! [And by the way, your mouth includes your voice -- women flourish with compliments telling them how hot you find them, how good they are making you feel, etc.]

• Finally, a note scolding women . . . I have talked to plenty of men over the years, and some of them have valid complaints when it comes to their partner. Lack of enthusiasm, direction, encouragement, and self-maintenance are huge turnoffs for men. Men are not such difficult creatures, if you care and feed them properly. So ladies, give 'em a little bit of energy, a bit of dirty talk, and throw in some freaky thoughts once in a while, and you will likely have a happy camper.

Okay, stepping down from my Rant Box. Next!

On the Road Again

So I am in D.C. again. This is my third overnight (multiple) business trip since 2008 began. I don't mind. I actually welcome them -- I hate being stuck in the office.

[PLEASE CUE UP YOUR BEST SARCASM BEFORE READING THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE . . . ]

In a stunning turn of events, I got lost en route. Right around D.C. (beltway), and then once again trying to find my way around D.C. If somebody out there says "but isn't D.C. built on a grid" I will personally rip your tongue out. Thanks!

I decided to try another hotel in the Kimpton family, since I so enjoyed the Hotel Helix in May 2007. This time, I am at the Topaz Hotel. I loooooovvve my room. Hee hee, the only way I can describe it is as "chic fun." It's colorful, but not over the top. Contemporary, but not cold.

But damn, I am so loving this place right now. The only thing missing is someone to enjoy it with.

Gala Recap

Last night was the big shindig for my work. There were about 400 people there, all gussied up in (mainly) tuxedos and snazzy dresses. The theme was Mardi Gras, so some of the folks had rented costumes too. Our newly installed president wore his tux part of the time, and then at other times he was dressed as a king. He looked adorable, I have to say. His wife was dressed as a court jester.

I was excited to have an opportunity to wear a beautiful dress again, the one I refer to as "my Vegas dress" (because I wore it in Las Vegas when I went to see Cirque du Soleil's "O"). I never went to any of the Proms or Homecoming dances when I was in high school (sniff, sniff), so there is this little girl part of me that gets really excited about having an opportunity to go shopping for something special, and then slipping into it for a big night out. Though, I gotta admit, I was more than a little bit nervous having that dress on around my co-workers and Board of Directors, who are used to seeing me in only business suits and the occasional sundress.

Well, the dress was a hit! I received a lot of positive feedback, which was appreciated since I have been busting my ass at the gym in January (15 workouts in a 31-day month). Oh, and the new bra worked out prefectly with it (three cheers for clear straps!)

I should have had a photo of myself taken in the dress, but I am quite camera shy. So here's a photo of the dress I found online.

Friday Poll

We haven't had a "Friday Poll Question" in a while, which I remarked in an email to Chrissie the other day. She immediately shot back with the following poll question, which was kept amongst myself ("F.C.") , ManHands (Adrian), Kirsten (Chrissie, or 2.0) and Lori (Coach).

The topic was . . .

CRAZY THINGS MEN HAVE DONE FOR ME

Holy shit! The items that were ticked off for that poll ranged from sweet stuff going back to the sixth grade, to the scary, to the bold, to the damn wild & sexy kind. WHOA BABY.

It was so good, I don't think I can even publish any of them. We kept the identities of the men anonymous, referring to all as just "he," as in "He had a dozen roses delivered to me while on a date with another man" or "He lifted me out of the hot tub, dried me off, and then rubbed cocoa butter all over me."

It was a gooooood topic. And I encourage everyone to try it out with their BFF's immediately!!!

Cheers!

It's Back!!!!

LOST is back on t.v. -- it premiered TONITE!

WOW, great episode! Tonight's episode was "Hurley-centric." Hurley is not one of my favorite characters, but the episode was still terrific.

I am beginning to think that part of the reason I have been pissy at night lately is due to lack of fresh television, courtesy of the phucking writer's strike. GRRRRR!

Seriously. t.v. is one of my essential food groups. I loooooovvvvve watching all of my shows, and "Lost" (which I resisted for a while but finally submitted to and got hooked on) is at the tippy top of my Must See T.V.

Now all I need is an episode featuring my fave bad ass, Sayid, or my beloved couple, Sun and Jin.

Love a Song / Love Song

For some strange reason a guy friend of mine and I have been on a text tear lately (I don't know what else to call it when you are texting back and forth like 14 year olds, LOL). Today's topic was songs we were listening to on the radio. It was funny to have a guy (and a VERY straight and cute one) tell me how much he likes "Breakaway" from Kelly Clarkson (I am suspecting it might have something to do with his current life circumstances, that the lyrics are hitting home or something).

He'd text "Rusted Root." I'd send back "Coolio." He would fire back "Jewel -- love her." Then I said "Sting -- saw him in concert back in mid-late '90's, gawd I feel old!" He made me feel better by saying The Police debuted his freshman year of college.

Sometimes I fall in or out of love with songs. They might hit close to home and heart on that day, or might just take me back to a time or place in my life. I know that I keep listening to the same songs when I am at the gym, LOL, and probably would be openly mocked for them. I don't care, I know people who have The Wiggles on their Ipods! Or Disney songs (ick, egads, kill me now!)

When I got back to office from my mid-day Victoria's Secret run (needed bra for big event I am going to this Friday), I dialed up Yahoo Music on the computer, and stumbled across a new song I am truly digging. Yahoo Music is good for these -- trying out new stuff, randomly, based on the styles of music and artists you click off when you create "your station." So anyhoo, I am loving, for the past 30 minutes, this song by Leona Lewis called "Bleeding Love." And her lyrics are terrific! Will probably be downloaded onto my Ipod Mini tonite.

Gym Sum (keeping me honest) -- belated

So I forgot to post my "Gym Sum" for the last week. Well, I suppose that's better than forgetting to go to the gym . . . though I have to say my motivation was lacking a bit last week. I just didn't feel inspired.

Without further ado, my total for last week was: 3 hours of cardio. Not bad, considering my schedule constraints.

I am already off to a good start for THIS week, with 2.5 hours under my belt. I hope to hit gym again on Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday, aiming for total of 6 hours of cardio. We shall see!

By the way, a special shout out to the cutie pie 14 year old redheaded girl at the gym tonight who loaned me her pink hair band when my snapped and broke. I was pulling my hair back into a low ponytail when it happened. I screamed "shit!" really loud in the locker room. Thankfully, she came to my rescue. Without a hairband (I had no spare in my gym bag), it would have completely derailed my workout -- I HAVE TO PUT MY HAIR UP when I work out -- I simply sweat too much (esp. my head) to not do so.

Okay, back to paying attention to the State of the Union Address!!!

23 Things - check off Dozen Bake Shop

We went to the grand opening of Dozen Bake Shop this evening -- the second and expanded location of the Mother Ship.

We sampled their chocolate chip cookies, and a slice of vanilla cake. Mmmmmm.

Dr. J and I have been eagery awaiting this special occasion, so much that we placed it on our "24 Things" list.

Checked that one off! Next?

Words Not Always Enough

A beautiful, smart, sassy, wonderfully bitchy friend of mine is hurting tonight.

I am glad she reached out and let me know. Gawd knows how many manic & panicked emails I have sent her.

But I feel so helpless right now. She lives 2,500 miles away. I would give anything to have a private jet so I could rush out to my "2.0," so I could buy her a new Louis Vuitton, and stuff our faces with ice cream. Or just stroke her silky black hair (we joke about how men think hot women comfort one another by playing with each others hair).

I wanna wrap her up in a big hug, and tell her that what she is grieving will never be okay, and it will always hurt . . . but I then would whisper in her ear that I will always be ready to listen to her grief, and that I will never get tired of it, no matter how many times she needs to bring it up.

It's what I'd want someone to say to me.

2.0's pain is excruciating, and haunting. And it made me take down a prior post, because I love her enough that I don't want anything I have written (though completely undirected at her), to cause her any pain.

I just want to love her and reassure her and slow down her swirling mind.

It's what I'd want someone to do for me.

Take THIS, Bitches!!!

Put my wedding dress on when I got home from work today, and Dr. J grabbed the camera . . .




YEP, IT STILL FITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lookin' good, chickie ;o)

A Day Just Like Today

It's our anniversary. I am sitting at my desk, watching the snow fall outside, and it's so beautiful. It reminds me of the day prior to our wedding 4 years ago, when the most magical blanket of snow fell on our town.

Though we have been married 4 years, we have been a couple for 15 years today (yep, it's also the anniversary of our first date, too).

Geez, we have had a rough year. But we're still standing. Though sometimes we might be leaning on each other to keep from falling down.

Which is part of the reason why I thought I'd surprise Dr. J with an unusual gift.

It's funny, strange, bizarre, odd. Kinda like us. I expect we'll have a blast :o)

I Am Sydney Ellen Wade

Apparently, there is still a lot of confusion regarding what I do for a living. I try to break it down for people, and explain it, in a way that relates to what they do for a living. My cousin Sandi has said to me, "I am fascinated by what you do for a living, though I don't really understand it." Eh, fair enough.

So I was on the phone with Kurt yesterday (ahem, that's DOCTOR Kurt to the rest of yinz, though I call him "Sweetums," a pet nickname that goes back to our high school drama . . . and yes ANOTHER doctor 'cause, after all, I know what type of men to pine after) . . . anyhoo, after teasing Kurt about the fact that he had just finished a long day of back-to-back surgeries, I mentioned that I was in-between meetings and just changing into a cocktail dress so I could attend an evening happy hour and banquet. He teased me back about that, and then confessed, "I have no idea what you do."

I launched into my usual spiel about what I do, how I came to it, yadda, and then Sweetums had this fantabulous EUREKA moment and exclaimed in a very excited voice, "YOU'RE SYDNEY ELLEN WADE!!!"

Okay, well, she was working on federal issues, and I spend more of my time on local, with a smattering of state and federal mixed in. But OMG, now I had something pop culture-tangible in which to offer to my confused family and friends regarding how I make my living!!!

So I quickly said back to him, "Yes, I am Sydney Ellen Wade. Only without the whole phucking the President thing. I'm not saying I wouldn't phuck a President, and I would had he looked like the Michael Douglas of THEN, but now he's got this skeltor-chicken neck thing going on, so probably not. Wait, oh yeah, so I'm Sydney Ellen Wade. Thanks!"

Gym Sum

Okay, so I figured that if I post (for all ye world to see) my cardio efforts each week it would help keep me honest, like a virtual check, if you will.

Soooooo, this week, despite my out-of-town business trip and the theatre tickets, I am proud to report I worked out 3 times, for a total of 4 hours of cardio.

Next week will be more of a challenge, since I will be on another biz trip for nearly 4 days AND have agreed to meet Lori for drinks after work one night (but I think since meeting Lori for drinks can fall under the category of "mental health" it's worth it).

YEA for me :o)

Dear Ol' Dad

I have been dreading my business trip next week. It's going to be uncomfortable at best, but painful is what I am expecting to really encounter. Not the workload, not the hours, but some of the people I will have to be in proximity to.

This fact, coupled with financial frustration, wanting to smack my mother and stepfather, stoo-pid inlaws ("outlaws"), and the slooooow tick-tock of the calendar have all been swirling in my never still brain, culminating in a level of anxiety that is frightening.

So as much as I was looking forward to meeting up with my Dad late this morning for coffee/tea, I was expecting the inevitable "relax, Babes, it'll all be okay" mantra out of him, which would probably wind me up even tighter.

But surprise of surprises, he did no such thing. Damn if he hasn't been changing a lot over the past year, finally recognizing that I am not am alarmist but truly struggling to not either (1) go insane or (2) throw in the proverbial towel completely.

I truly think that the last-ditch effort he had to undertake to get healthy has a profound effect on him. He listens to me so much more, I mean really listens, and offers actual constructive advice and support. He reminds me to trust my judgement and decisions. It's amazing. I used to hate to let Dad see any bits of weakness in me, 'cause he is so strong. But after the incredibly difficult past couple of years of self-destruction he put our family through (and remember, I was getting the simultaneous implosion of my mother, and now she & stepfather with their latest phuck-up a few days before Christmas), my Dad has begun to emerge as an altered person.

I felt a lot better after meeting with him today. He wasn't rushed, he wasn't distracted, he wanted to reassure me and my choices. And he shared with me a really important bit of observation/wisdom, which I know I will carry with me: "People always want to give you an easy or superficial fix to what is a complicated problem. They think THEY know better. They don't."

Three Rivers Runs Through It

Yesterday, after I rushed back from my trip to D.C. for an, um, "doctor appointment," Dr. J and I headed out for a rare treat of an evening. My mother had given us theatre tickets to a performance by the Second City comedy troupe, which is in town for a few days.

I loooovvve Second City, having seen them perform in Toronto when I was 17 years old.

So we journeyed into The Big City (lol) for the performance of Three Rivers Runs Through It.

It was really fun! Lots of laughs, with a local spin on it. But the best was the improv at the end, which is always my favorite.

Definitely something we should do again soon (both parts, ahem).

;o)

RANDOM . . . times two?!

This has been a very odd couple of days. And considering how odd the past year has been for me, that's saying quite a bit.

Two people from my past each sent me an email. Both came from people who were incredibly important parts of my life. I have laughed, cried, and loved both of them. Deeply.

And both emails rocked me to my core.

One has me sad, angry, confused, and scared -- not sure if I can trust again, if I can move past the hurtful words that were said, if I have the emotional energy (or even the want) to re-establish the relationship, even on a polite acquaintance level.

The other email touched me so deeply I could hardly speak. The words hit a spot so buried in me that I didn't think it was possible to have another human being find that spot, let alone give it voice. I should have known better. He always has.

So, as the kids are fond of saying nowadays . . . "whoa, random!"

Gym Thoughts

Ah yes, the first week of the New Year. You know what this means?! All of the newbies at the gym, working on their Resolutions. Actually, I can't complain about this at my new gym. At the old gym, it would have been PACKED for the entire month of January, then still a bit busy through mid-February, and finally back to normal by the 1st of March.

Now, I will never make fun of anyone who finally makes the decision to get off their ass and take charge of their health and weight by exercising. Good for them! (And, from a health insurance rate standpoint good for ALL of us).

However, there is one part of the New Year's phenomenon which never ceases to amaze me. WHY, do men who look, oh say, 14 months pregnant, spend so much time lifting weights at the gym -- especially when it's clear they haven't hit the gym within the past decade? And yet there they are, doing the nautilus arm weights with all sorts of determination! Granted, it is appropriate to do a bit of weights when trying to lose the fat, for toning purposes. But people, c'mon, spend the time on the treadmill or the bike for gawd's sake! Based on the looks of ya, you need to burn calories and fat, not build muscle mass. I suspect that these guys spend so much time on the weights because they are SO out of shape that they simply can't keep up even a moderate pace on the treadmill, and/or are afraid of looking silly. But then again, looking silly is a big reason (along with feeling intimidated) that women tend to steer clear of the free weights.

Anyhoo, back to me.

This week I am pleased to report that I logged 4.5 hours of cardio, lifted weights 3 days, and did my sit-ups on 4 days. I would have had another hour of cardio in there had my gym been open New Year's Day. I have been upping my cardio by about one-third over previous weeks, in an effort to kick start my system into losing a few more pounds. This, along with "getting strict" (as I call it) with my food intake (which is already quite healthy) should help me knock off a few pounds, and hopefully get me closer to my 2008 weight loss goal of another 10 pounds. Damn, that'd be awesome, to brag I've lost 80 pounds! (Though already being able to honestly claim a loss of 70 feels good, too).

I . . . WANT . . . MY . . . 2.0. NOW!

I can't believe how quiet my world is with our beloved 2.0 off in Japan for a few weeks. Seriously, it feels like cyber-torture to await her pending January 9th arrival back on American soil.

It has sucked big time having her gone. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

The whole gang seems to have lost its magic -- the mojo is just ABSENT without our Chrissie here to keep us trudging along.

If ManHands brought us all together, it's 2.o who is the social secretary of the gang.

2.0 -- I WUV YOU AND MISS YOU. Dammit. And so does Louis Vuitton.

No Diggity

I am seriously enjoying the columns this chick writes. Damn, she'd be fun at a party! I feel like it's part-Carrie Bradshaw/part-sex ed teacher, with a dash of sass thrown in.

I need to send this to my girlfriends, so we can, uh, "talk amongst ourselves."

Is Your Sex Life Normal?

A few comments I am willing to share enough to have public . . .

• Length of average sexual encounter -- um, 3-10 minutes?! I know it's true, but I also know that I wouldn't put up with it. Uh-uh. And if YOU are putting up with it (beyond the occasional torrid quickie), then shame on you, 'cause you deserve your likely boring, uninspired sex life.
• Favorite sexual position -- I concur, men like it that way, and women like it the other. I recently read that men like it this way because it has something to do with seeing themselves, um, enter the playground. I asked Dr. J, and he nodded appreciatively, as if finally somebody understood a man's sexual proclivities, and said a slow "yes." And then guess what he wanted to do? LMAO!
• Number of Times a Week They Are Having Sex -- What a riot! People are NOT having that much sex, ROTFLMAO! Not unless they fall into one of the following categories: crack whore, porn star, Ron Jeremy, or on their 6th month of trying to conceive. Really, this is such a joke!!!
• Playing Around -- is it really that high? The sociology major in me wants to see the survey questions, to see what qualified as such. If it's true, eh, can't say I am surprised.
• Being a Better Lover -- (1) YES, WE WANT MORE EROTIC MASSAGES IN BED! Dammit, I can't tell you how frustrating this is for women! My Chickies and I feel like we ask, hint, beg, plead, suggest, yadda, for this all the time -- and you guys either ignore it, or downplay it. Men of the world, hear us loud: if you put the time in with a good, erotic massage, you will get laid better and more regularly! And one more thing, a 5 minute backrub is not enough -- put the minimum 15 minutes in, 'cause that's how long it takes us to transition. Light the candles, put on some jazz or sexy music, and pour us a drink . . . and then commence the massage . . . yes, we like the occasional "crazy, can't get enough, I need you bad" sexfest. But sometimes we need it the other way, too. And (2), girls, men love oral sex. No matter how much you think they like it, they probably like it twice as much more. Give a little to get a little.
• Phone and E-mail -- okay, yes, I have answered the phone, even texted, while in the sack. I wouldn't tolerate if Dr. J did it. Call me a hypocrite.

Damn the power of suggestion. Now I'm horny.

Venture Outdoors

OMG, I had no idea this group was actually a bona fide organization! I thought it was one of those fluffy, do-gooder (but really, do very little) groups that pretends to exist for its stated purpose but actually has a main function of bitching, moaning, and blaming anything and everything that they perceive as "wrong" with/or about the environment on the Political Bullseye of the Moment.


I have long enjoyed exercising outdoors, and this interest was nutured by our years in Kal-ee-forn-yah. Yosemite, Big Basin, and other points throughout the Santa Clara Valley were favorites of mine. Over the past year I have attempted to rekindle my surprising hobby. I say "surprising" because most people seemed very surprised that I loooovvve to go hiking (urban or rural), because it typically involves bugs, dirt, and other critters -- none of which I enjoy. But I truly love getting in some exercise minus the treadmill, recumbant bike, or ArcTrainer. The crackle of the twigs, the natural terrain, the cool or even crisp air -- it's all good, baby! And it feeeeeels so good, too! The rush afterwards is amazing. Even better than the post-gym feeling, at least for me, in terms of feeling re-centered, achieving zen, and doing something unique.


So while I sorta knew that Venture Outdoors existed, I was really surprised to investigate their web site this evening and find out just how many cool offerings they have -- PERFECT for my taste, my schedule, yadda. This is JUST what I need! I often want to check out new hiking venues, especially since our region is blessed with so many opportunities, but typically feel overwhelmed in narrowing my choice or finding a trail that suits my wants. But Venture Outdoors seems to take care of all of my qualifications and make the selection easier.

I am so psyched!!! I think we will try out one of two of their offerings, and then, if all goes well, join the organization and thereby receive the discounted rate on future outings.

I am happy (closet nature lover that I am -- but shhhh, don't tell Adrian!)