The Year In Review

Normally I wait until the official last day of the year to do this, but since I am travelling it's gonna have to be a day early. Here's hoping that nothing shocking happens tomorrow that alters these lists -- then again, I will be seeing "The Bitch Cow," a.k.a. my S-I-L who needs to drop 20 pounds, and upset & humiliated me the last time I saw her, so who the phuck knows?! That's okay, I am in a much better place this year, one of strength, and I swear I will kick her cream puff ass if she so much as looks at me funny. Cheers!

WHAT WAS GOOD:

1. Falling in love with Lil Pumpkin the moment I saw her referral photos
2. Greasy, delicious, noodles and rice from "The Baby Restaurant."
3. Hearing Jane repeatedly ask "does anybody need any pure, bottled, water?!"
4. Chinese hospitality and housekeeping. And laundry.
5. Adrian's surprise packages.
6. Crazy cross-country chats.
7. Kimbolton!
8. Unlimited texting. Still.
9. Hope found me.
10. Watching my Dad fall in love with his granddaughter.
11. Being granted the privilege to love & parent the most amazing child that ever existed. And I am not biased. Really.

WHAT WAS BAD:

1. First-hand experience of just how much a toddler can grieve. As prepared as we were, it was still 100x's worse than anything you can imagine.
2. The Nanning Airport meltdown (Lil Pumpkin's and our own)
3. The IRS announcing mileage reimbursement is decreasing in 2009. Phuck.
4. Chinese heat & humidity.
5. The visit to the County Health Dept.
6. Extreme financial stress.
7. The repeat visit to the County Health Dept.
8. Losing/misplacing my beloved & semi-pricey RayB.ans. I have waaay sun-sensitive eyes and my el' cheapos ain't cuttin' it.
9. The Bath That Broke The Ceiling.
10. Cracks and crevices that deepen into caves.
11. The mourning of what likely happened to Yuanchun.

WHAT I LEARNED:

1. Attachment techniques work if you stay consistent!
2. How to clean my house in 60 minutes time, top to bottom. Okay, maybe 90 minutes. And okay, maybe just passable enough to fool visitors.
3. Micro-fleece is my friend. Meow. Not sexy, but warm.
4. Dr. J is capable of mowing the grass if it gets high enough.
5. God's power to bring together the right baby to us, under extraordinary circumstances.
6. My husband can dig way deep when he wants to. Evidence: walking, walking, and more walking. And then bonding, bonding, and more bonding.
7. Dr. J and I could NEVER have created a child more stunning than the one we adopted. Every inch of her is stunning.
8. Wedding details are far less stressful when you are a bridesmaid than when you are Thee Bride (love ya, Lori!)
9. I am Sydney Ellen Wade.
10. Things can get better.
11. Faith does make things possible, not easy. Truly. Just like the sign said near my house.
    

WHAT I WANT TO DO IN THE NEW YEAR (my potpourri category winner):

1. Get toned again.
2. Buy a treadmill and not feel guilty about it. (LMAO).
3. Embrace DVR.
4. Not cry when on a business trip.
5. Take more long baths. Uninterrupted.
6. Start/Finish the Life Book.
7. Hike on every sunny day. Or at least use the jogging stroller.
8. Feel sexy again.
9. Stay unapologetically patriotic and in-love with our troops!
10. Hook up with Howard again.
11. Fall in love all over again.
    

Powerless

I have decided to admit the following . . . I AM POWERLESS (meaning nada willpower to resist) WHEN IT COMES TO THE FOLLOWING:

• Butterf.ingers candy - ooooooh, baby, I do love you. I have eaten like 6 of the bite-sized ones over the past few days. I am trying not to stress about this, since I dropped like 4 more pounds last week when I was sick, and so far haven't put it back on (which brings my post-baby weight loss to 12 pounds, yeah for me!)


• Victor.ia's Secret Fashion Show - they showed the rerun on tv the other night . . . and I was mesmerized all over again - imagining myself on the catwalk, grooving along to the awesome music selections, whimpering for the lingerie to be in my personal repertoire, sniff sniff.


• White-chocolate covered pretzels - my personal version of crack coc.aine, thank you!


• A thin V-neck sweater - damn, they look good on me, and are so versatile ;o)


• Free drinks - I admit it. Especially if I can combine it with semi-legit work schmoozing


• Gossip - Live it, love it, embrace it!
  
• Lil Pumpkin's Giggle - And I know just how to make her do it (chase her around the room, toss her into the air so she lands on her bed, or hold her upside down - I tell ya, my baby girl is a fearless daredevil!)

My Friends Are Insane

How do I even explain THIS?! Okay, here goes . . .

The aforementioned "Man Hands" (Adrian from CA) has two hobbies which I consider bizarre. One is bird-watching, the other is collecting the state quarters the U.S. Mint has put out over the past few years.

Well, last year about this time I joked something like "hey, I have the new Montana one!" and ManHands immediately replied that she did NOT have it, wanted it, and if I sent it to her in CA she would give me a dollar in return. I did send it, and really didn't expect anything in return. After all, this woman has let us camp out at her lovely beachfront home for free TWICE.

Fast forward to Monday of this week, when instigator "2.0" pipes up with an inquiry as to whether ManHands ever sent me that dollar for the quarter? I say no, 2.0 chides her for not mailing it since I am "with child" and thus need money. I then teased ManHands that she should send it via F.edEx since I was flying away to China this Friday.

I guess ManHans decided to be a smart ass (gawd, I love smart asses!), 'cause look at what I received at work this morning . . .



A freakin' $1.oo bill, and one individually-wrapped Twi.zzler, courtesy of ManHands and her company's Fe.dEx account (gotta love those internet companies that don't watch their bottom line that carefully, LMAO!)

I am so anxious right now, that this insane delivery made me whoop it up pretty damn loud! I think I frightened my company's receptionist, hee hee.

It's the little things that put a smile on my face, and this most certainly did.

I wuv you ManHands!!!! (Can we all now change into our jammies, braid each others hair, and bake brownies?!)

Your Friday Morning Cup of Coffee

Just an important lil' somethin' for all you men out there to ponder as you settle into your Friday morning . . .

THE TOP 10 SEX MISTAKES THAT MEN MAKE

And my quick thoughts on the article, point by point:

1. AMEN, Dr. Yvonne. Really good foreplay starts days ahead, if you really want to heighten your experience . . . and OUR performance.
2. YES, YES, YES. We have tons of interesting body parts that are waiting, no, begging to be explored. Now go be a pioneering explorer. In fact, let's play Lewis & Clark.
3. Another YES, YES, YES. Look, we ladies know how fascinated you are with your penis. We know you think it's the be all/end all. But listen, come close, cause I'm about to let you in on a little secret that shall serve you well in all future female conquests (ready?) . . . YOUR PENIS MOVING IN AND OUT IS NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE US "O". It's nice, it's helps, we like how it feels (my posse of women are nodding), but we need a lil' more interaction, okay?! Please re-read my response to #2. Thanks!
4. Listen to our heavy breathing, our moans, our purrs. You'll figure it out, if you listen carefully.
5. Your woman will probably "O" more easily if she thinks you're in it just to have some fun. So stop stressing, and so will we.
6. Um, you like us to keep OUR figures and wear cute outfits AND wear sexy lingerie, right? THEN CHECK THYSELF! Lose your own gut (or build some muscles if you're already thin), wear clean clothes, nice boxers, check your breath, shave your face, update your look (that means wardrobe, glasses, hairstyle, etc.), and stop bitching. [Looking at The Posse, and they are nodding so empathetically they're bordering on whiplash].
7. It's true. We have a naughty side. Meow.
8. Porn Star behavior from us? You first, Mr. Pizza Delivery Boy. (yeah, it's as bizarre in reverse to you as the shit you see in most stupid pornos are to us).
9. Listen, really, for the umpteenth time . . . unless you are so tiny we need a microscope, we don't care about your size. Conversely, your size is not enough to keep us around & interested, either. And another thing, having surveyed all members of The Posse, only one guy has been big enough for any of us to admit we were "wowed." But damn, you'd be amazed at all of the guys we have collectively slept with who THINK they are big "down there." LMAO.
10. Another Amen, Dr. Yvonne ;o)

Shifting My Mental State

This week has been a roller coast of emotions. I would classify it as the 4th-worst week of my life. Thanks to all of my insane friends for their attempts to lift me up, yet again. I love yinz, big time.

So here's my attempt to distract myself . . . let's react to the latest article by one of my new-favorite columnists, "SexPert" Dr. Yvonne Fulbright:

10 ISSUES AFFECTING HER ABILITY TO ORGASM

Some thoughts worth sharing:

• Yes, ladies of the world, DO get to know your body. Granted, I think as I have gotten older, and more comfortable with myself and sex in general, I am better at helping things along with such helpful articulations as "a little to the left," "faster," "lighter," "no wait, harder," "yes, right there," and the crowning moment phrase of "don't stop!" I honestly think that the age/maturity factor of women has a lot to do with this. Most men I have discussed it with agree that older women are far better in bed than some young chickie. Young Chickie (and by this I mean 18-24) may be cute and have a tight ass, but like I said, most guys have told me that a woman who falls in the 30-45 category will actually be far friskier and more exciting in the sack, because she knows herself, and is more likely to give a man directions. And as we all know, men never stop to ask , hee-hee!

• Women DO get stuck in their own head -- we are thinking about big things (bills, work projects, etc.) and little (the laundry, errands, that the ceiling fan needs to be dusted). This is why "transition time" (a.k.a. FOREPLAY) is so important. MEN OF THE WORLD -- your woman HAS let you know what her "transition" is -- it may be more kissing, a margarita, a massage, having her feet rubbed, possibly all of these! So LISTEN next time, and don't just phucking phone it in! I can't tell you how many times I have had a friend say "I love kissing, and he knows it. But he thinks if we kiss for 2 minutes that BAM it's enough and time for him to get laid." [NOTE: This is NOT a rip on men post, everyone knows I am MUCH tougher on women than men!!!]

• Damn straight, intercourse is NOT enough to turn a woman on, or make her "O". Men, listen, we love your passion, and your enthusiasm, but somewhere along the way you were sold a bill of goods if you think rocking away like a jackhammer is making us "O". Um, really, it's not. It may very well be exciting and feel great (even to us), but we women are built different. And it feels different. God gave you hands, and a mouth. And he gave us all sorts of delicious body parts for you to explore with your hands and mouth. Try a new place once in a while, and see what happens! [And by the way, your mouth includes your voice -- women flourish with compliments telling them how hot you find them, how good they are making you feel, etc.]

• Finally, a note scolding women . . . I have talked to plenty of men over the years, and some of them have valid complaints when it comes to their partner. Lack of enthusiasm, direction, encouragement, and self-maintenance are huge turnoffs for men. Men are not such difficult creatures, if you care and feed them properly. So ladies, give 'em a little bit of energy, a bit of dirty talk, and throw in some freaky thoughts once in a while, and you will likely have a happy camper.

Okay, stepping down from my Rant Box. Next!

Friday Poll

We haven't had a "Friday Poll Question" in a while, which I remarked in an email to Chrissie the other day. She immediately shot back with the following poll question, which was kept amongst myself ("F.C.") , ManHands (Adrian), Kirsten (Chrissie, or 2.0) and Lori (Coach).

The topic was . . .

CRAZY THINGS MEN HAVE DONE FOR ME

Holy shit! The items that were ticked off for that poll ranged from sweet stuff going back to the sixth grade, to the scary, to the bold, to the damn wild & sexy kind. WHOA BABY.

It was so good, I don't think I can even publish any of them. We kept the identities of the men anonymous, referring to all as just "he," as in "He had a dozen roses delivered to me while on a date with another man" or "He lifted me out of the hot tub, dried me off, and then rubbed cocoa butter all over me."

It was a gooooood topic. And I encourage everyone to try it out with their BFF's immediately!!!

Cheers!

Words Not Always Enough

A beautiful, smart, sassy, wonderfully bitchy friend of mine is hurting tonight.

I am glad she reached out and let me know. Gawd knows how many manic & panicked emails I have sent her.

But I feel so helpless right now. She lives 2,500 miles away. I would give anything to have a private jet so I could rush out to my "2.0," so I could buy her a new Louis Vuitton, and stuff our faces with ice cream. Or just stroke her silky black hair (we joke about how men think hot women comfort one another by playing with each others hair).

I wanna wrap her up in a big hug, and tell her that what she is grieving will never be okay, and it will always hurt . . . but I then would whisper in her ear that I will always be ready to listen to her grief, and that I will never get tired of it, no matter how many times she needs to bring it up.

It's what I'd want someone to say to me.

2.0's pain is excruciating, and haunting. And it made me take down a prior post, because I love her enough that I don't want anything I have written (though completely undirected at her), to cause her any pain.

I just want to love her and reassure her and slow down her swirling mind.

It's what I'd want someone to do for me.

I . . . WANT . . . MY . . . 2.0. NOW!

I can't believe how quiet my world is with our beloved 2.0 off in Japan for a few weeks. Seriously, it feels like cyber-torture to await her pending January 9th arrival back on American soil.

It has sucked big time having her gone. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

The whole gang seems to have lost its magic -- the mojo is just ABSENT without our Chrissie here to keep us trudging along.

If ManHands brought us all together, it's 2.o who is the social secretary of the gang.

2.0 -- I WUV YOU AND MISS YOU. Dammit. And so does Louis Vuitton.

Year in Review

Ugh, I can't believe it's time to do this. Again.

But I am big on tradition and introspection (however phucked up both may be), so I will once again write out my "good/bad/learn" list. What kinda sucks is that I thought LAST year was bad. And yet THIS year actually managed to eclipse last year's, in terms of suckiness. Which again, has me shaking my head and wondering why I pushed so hard to leave "The Land of Fruits and Nuts and Flakes." So, to Dr. J, I preface by saying, with great sincerity, "I AM SORRY" for insisting that we leave Kal-ee-forn-yah. I thought moving back east was the right thing to do. Clearly, I was wrong. If I could take it back, and move back, I most likely would. Who knows, maybe we will in a few years.

Anyhoo, here's Da List . . .

WHAT WAS GOOD:

1. Dr. J taking the risk of starting his own practice. It took serious balls, and I am proud of him; and for his constant reassurance that I am okay, doing okay, and will be okay.


2. Nicole's wedding.


3. Second cousins. Dave & Natalie, Emily & Rob, Dana & Nick, Bob & Bobbie, Zanne, Beth & Joe, Julie, Buzz & Kathy . . . you have no friggin' idea how much I look forward to each and every moment I spend in your presence! You came back into our lives a few years ago to help me out when I could no longer care for my Mom on my own, and have taken care of me along the way. YOU ALL ROCK!


4. My job. I worked hard for it, and appreciate the gift it is every day.


5. Meeting Kirsten in person (finally). And all of her amazing and insane emails.


6. Adrian's liquid hospitality. And her throw pillows.


7. Lori met the love of her life AND got engaged -- all in the same year! Finally, something I prayed for gets answered by God.


8. My Dad started to get healthy. Holding my breath it spills over to other parts of his life, too.


9. Seeing Cirque du Solieil. Three Cheers for the "O"!


10. For Hamster texting me at the right time. And offering to bitch-slap The Cow.


11. L.I.D. 11/14/07!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT WAS BAD:

1. Watching my husband continue to be treated as a second-class citizen by the LILT (Long Island Looney Toons).


2. Endless doctor appointments and painful procedures.


3. The shock of home ownership incidentals.


4. Hot Tub Foliculitis.


5. Car problems on the way back from D.C.


6. Irresponsible parents. My own, especially.


7. The horrifyingly stupid things people say when you lose a baby. It's astounding. Even after three babies it still cuts me to the core.


8. Stupid local politicians. And stupid state-level ones, too.


9. Being scared that I am going crazy, and effectively being unable to do anything about it.


10. Self-imposed poverty.


11. Losing Gabrielle.

WHAT I LEARNED:

1. Naval Academy graduates can be quite kinky (who knew?!)
2. Dr. J is a magnet for fainting strangers.
3. HM can be horrified by bad fashion and bad taste.
4. The expiration of a Notary's commission is a matter of national security, apparently.
5. I can move a passport out of backlog, to the front of the processing line, and overnighted to my home in a matter of 18 hours. Or rather, I know people who can, which is equally important!
6. Fergie's sage advice "If You Ain't Got No Money Take Yo Broke Ass Home", which has inspired HotMary and mine's semi-serious motto of "Upgrade!"
   
7. Sandi is the best listener I know, and her gems are invaluable.


8. Lori never thinks I am insane, even when I do.


9. Dr. J's godparents are the best people I know. I'd give anything for them to adopt me, or even just him.


10. Nobody loves the ugly, scary, mean & weak parts of me. Except for Dr. J.


11. It will happen. I can make it happen. I can move mountains . . . of paperwork.

WHAT I AM GOING TO TO DIFFERENTLY (a new category!):

1. Finish and begin checking off things from the "Distract" and "Prepare" lists.


2. Make an honest, active effort to be more positive.


3. Recommit to taking better care of me. Which means 10 more pounds to shed -- not 'cause I need to, but just for the hell of it.


4. Strive to keep my office tidy.


5. Be more fun. More bold.


6. Laugh more.


7. Try to make up with God.


8. Force/explain to members of the local posse that I need to have "standing dates" with them (Lori, Lisa, Sandi, Shannon #2, Shannon #3, HotMary -- this means YOU, chickies!)


9. Invite people to our home, instead of keeping them at arms length.


10. Keep my mom and stepfather a bit more at arms length.


11. Stay focused at work.

Remembering Baby B

Pookie,

Today sucks for you. Don't ever feel the need to apologize for your grief. Anybody who tells you to "get over it" or "move on" can go phuck off. And if you need me to tell them for you, just say the word (just as I know you would do the same for me).

Wish I could be with you at this very moment, and we could cry together. And then go do something very destructive, like spend money we don't have.

Promise me you will get the ice cream, and chow down as planned. In some small way, I will be with you then, too.


All my love belongs to you today.

XOXO,

FC

It's All About Me. Yeah, AS IF?!?!

It was HotMary who told me that I needed to change how I lived my life. She said I needed to insert a big ol' heaping dose of "It's All About Me" into what I do, what I accept, and what I expect, from myself and from those around me.

Shannon agreed.

Lori thought it was brilliant.

And so I have tried to adopt that as much as possible (which is still kinda hard, because I am not a selfish person, and have a hard time letting anyone do for me, or take care of me). I admit, there are times when it feels good, albeit strange, and sometimes I get this out-of-body feeling like I am watching myself in amusement from across the room.

So why, is LORI making it so damn difficult to COMPLY with the adopted mantra?!?!

No, it's about her boyfriend's car, her job responsibilities, the Boards she sits on, yadda yadda. We have been trying to get together for what feels like ages . . . but things keep cropping up, and she keeps having to reschedule. AND IT SUCKS! I miss my girl. I miss the chickie who never flinches when I weep, who doesn't at all think it's frightening when I can compartmentalize my feelings and move from sobbing tears to complete confidence in less than 60 seconds. I miss the frenetic conversational jumps from fashion to reality t.v. to money to sex and back again.

So, here I am, publicly giving you, Ms. Bride-to-Be, all sorts of shit about being too busy for ME!

Dammit, it's supposed to be ABOUT ME -- so shelve your other shit and concentrate on what's important -- ME!

And now, I will pull out my final secret weapon, to make you feel really bad, Ms. Oh-So-Busy . . . I give you THE POUT (and note the adorable Asian baby face that is pouting -- that's no accident, ahem!)

I hope you feel REALLY GUILTY.

[You know I love you. Big time. Lots. The Most. And I still win. And you know it.]

Christmas Tag

I so do not have time for this, but I am so stressed out I will take the 5 minutes necessary to respond (plus, maybe it will inject some Christmas Spirit into me?!)

Here goes, passed to me by Kirsten:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper! I actually love to wrap gifts.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real.

3. When do you put up the tree? Usually about 10 days before Christmas, but not doing it this year -- it's too painful a reminder.

4. When do you take the tree down? If we were putting one up . . . probably a few days into the New Year.

5. Do you like egg nog? I don't even like the sound of it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? The huge t.v. my Daddy gave me when I was 6 years old. It was the beginning of a passionate and long-term love affair that continues to this day and has never let me down.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, a small one. Would like to upgrade in the future.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Myself. I always think the money should be put towards other things.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Anybody, really. I am very good at gift-giving -- the only thing that holds me back is lack of funds to properly spoil those I love and treasure.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Postal, all the way!

11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A Bible (that sounds terrible, but I was like 12 or 13 and it was from my Stepmonster's parents, who thought I was some heathen-child because I wasn't Presbyterian and my parents didn't make me attend church -- though, since we're Catholic, it was even more offensive and bizarre).

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? The Brady Bunch ones -- so bad they're good!

13. Do you still feel the magic? Honey, i AM the magic! (Really.)

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No. Well, unless it's chocolate and I am trying to get it out my house and into someone else's -- let them get fat!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Whatever Dr. J feels like cooking -- he is terrific! Turkey is always something I enjoy.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored . . . which is a serious problem in my marriage, since Dr. J grew up in freakin' "House Beautiful" where his mother decorated a tree that looked like a professional staged the damn thing. He resents my second grade art class ornaments, and preference for colored lights. It's an ongoing argument, which threatens the delicate balance of our marriage, and could ultimately break us up. To date, I have gotten us to agree to the following terms: white lights on the outside of the house, and colored lights on my "keepin' it real" Christmas tree inside.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" -- damn thing makes me teary each time I hear it, dammit (really).

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? This year we will be going to NYC and Long Island. It should be, um, interesting.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Yes. Wanna guess which one is my favorite?

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Again, this is a marital problem for me. I come from a Xmas Eve family, whereas Dr. J is a Xmas Morning guy. I know he's right . . . but I am so much of a snoop that those last few hours are unbearable for me!!!

21. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Lack of money and lack of Ping-Ping. And my in-laws.

22. Favorite ornament theme or color? Colors: Icy blues and silver . . . just like our wedding colors. Ornaments: This year, a VERY special ornament will be hanging on the trees of the people we love (stay tuned!)

23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? If it could be anything?! Belgian Waffle with powdered sugar & whipped cream, chicken-apple sausage, turkey, scalloped potatoes, grilled asparagus, and chocolate-chip ice cream.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? A time machine.

25. Who is most likely to respond to this? Lori

26. Who is least likely to respond to this? Noah

Giving Thanks

When we gather for Thanksgiving Dinner at my cousins later on today there are a variety of games and traditions we engage in. One is called "the interview" in which you are privately asked answers to a series of questions about yourself, which are then read aloud later in front of the group (there will be 24 of us in all), and everyone tries to guess WHO it is. My cousin Bobbie is The Keeper of The Questions, meaning she composes them and keeps our answers in a special individual folder, so we can look back on years past.

The silly questions vary from year to year, but the FINAL question is always the same: "The Year is almost over . . . what I want to remember most is _______".

Last year Dr. J answered "Seeing my wife smile again." I know only half the people understood what he meant, but it did then and still makes me cry to think about it -- it was that touching of a moment.

This year I already know what my answer will be.

But thinking about "the Thanksgiving Interview" got me thinking about the spirit of Thankgiving in general. We should all pause today and give thanks for things, both big and small, that make a difference in our lives. So here is my list of things I am thankful for:

*All of the wonderful folks who make up the U.S. Military, as well as anyone who has EVER served. Without them, WE are nothing, and neither is anyting we cherish.
* The families of the above mentioned heroes. Thank YOU, for your important part, too.
* Father Mike, for helping me. Even if it will always hurt.
* All of my hilarious and divine second cousins . . . we partied Wednesday night for Zanne's birthday, and we will party tomorrow like the Pilgrims & Indians. I love yinz -- you open my heart to the holidays once again (which I thought no one could).
* My lovely, sweet, and increasingly blunt Lori. Please use the word "obnoxious" more often -- it totally cracked me up to hear you speak like that!!!
* My longtime partner in barely legal pursuits, My Hamster, and the best zany person I know . . . MY Lisa.
* Arlene & Joey . . . I can't put into words what you have done for us, simply by caring.
* Nicole . . . for using the phrase "that phucking cunt" like NOBODY else could! Damn, girl, I am glad you are on OUR side!!!
* HotMary . . . for teaching us all about self-value. And for the hickey story. Yeah, that was a classic moment. Oh, and Chinese food. And the importance of a man sending you flowers.
* Food Venues I covet: Franktuary, Dozen, Chan's, Amici's, Clarke's, Rubio's, Mahajarajajajaja (or however the hell it's spelled). Each of you has had a dee-lish impact on my life in the past year. And Renzo's, don't you think I have forgotten about you, hon -- you're on my "to do" list for late-December, sweetie!
* For November's $43 electric bill, $22 gas bill, a heated mattress pad, and my fluffy bathrobe. Gawd, I am goooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!
* My Boss . . . for believing in me, and sticking by me, even when things aren't perfect. Gawd, what a difference from "High School".
* Dr. J . . . for your endless reassurance. It helps. More than mere words could ever articulate. Its' effect is too profound and far-reaching for me to ever admit.
* For our DTC. Each day, no matter how good or how bad, is one day closer.
* And for the stupid t.v shows that make Dr. J and I laugh. A special "Shout Out" should probably go to VH1 for the "40 Most Softsational Soft Rock Songs," "Best Week Ever," and "Talk Soup."

Now go gobble gobble, dammit.

Pride . . . and Prayers

It's Election Day. My shoulders and neck are one giant knot. All I want is a glass of wine, a lengthy deep-tissue massage, and to have one moment of tranquility. Actually, make that a bottle of wine.

Two quick items before I retire for two hours of television-viewing ("The Unit" and "Cane" -- meow to all the men) . . .

1. HAMSTER -- I am so very proud of you, and your grit. Can't wait to hear all of the details about your day, and the those to come
2. DADDY -- My Dad is having very major surgery tomorrow. It will change a lot of things in our family afterwards. Despite all of the crap he and the stepmonster have put us through over the past few years . . . I still need him. He's a terrific Dad, and I am lucky to have had him as long as I have.

So I will be doing a lot of praying tonight. And respecting my Dad's wishes by NOT hanging out at the hospital. But my heart will be there, just the same.

Chili, Champagne . . . and Cupcakes?!?!

It was time for the Triennial Chili and Champagne Event!

"Hamster" and "Da Weeter" sent us an invitation for our cozy dinner party, which got its start as some ridiculous excuse to eat Da Weeter's chili, and for Hamster and I to down some bubbly.

And it's kinda taken off from there.

This year I texted Hamster "what should I bring?" She texted back "Bring your sombreros and surveillance sidedish."

Now, "Surveillance" is a looonnnng story, for another time. I doubt other people find it as funny as Hamster and I do, but who gives a shit?! It's one of our "Dangerously Legal" practices that goes back to when I got my first car and used to haul our asses all over the place in my oh-so-red Chevy Cavalier.

Back to Hamster's text, though. So she throws in the word "sombreros" . . . hmmm. I quickly texted Lori, Sandi, and my Mom in search of a sombrero, just to be a smart ass. Which prompted my Mom to ask the Spanish teacher at the high school where she works if she had a sombrero on hand? YES, she had two! And threw in a couple of those Mexican blanket-ponchos and some maracas, too. SWEEEEET! (Or as Dr. J would say "Saaaammmmm!")

I already had a rather full day planned . . . began with a pre-op chat with my Dad over coffee at Crazy Mocha, then Dr. J & I went to Oakland to attend a lecture by author Jeff Gammage (but first we visited The O for a super-quick lunch), then off to Squirrel Hill for a slice at Mineo's, (see Dr. J, I said "SLICE" and didn't call it a "CUT" -- though I did say "cuts" when I ordered, you just didn't notice!!!)

And FINALLY, we had the procurement of Thee Cupcakes from Dozen (I could wait no longer, the urge was taking over my life to lick the frosting off one of those puppies!) I was thrilled to have an excuse to pick up cupcakes, and that we were only a few miles away for the lecture, well . . . it seemed to me that the stars had aligned for the perfect "C" compliment to the "Chili and Champagne" triennial event!

I promised Hamster that "these are like the best sex of your life. Really." The look on her face later told me I had not oversold them, hee hee!

I thought The Hamster was going to piss her pants when we gringos appeared at her door, clad in sombreros (granted, Dr. J was mortified by my latest insistence that he get into the spirit of the event -- but hey, Hamster LOVED it, which was all I cared about).

The boys wolfed down their chili, so they could then retire downstairs and grunt as they watched the hockey game. Whatever. It gave Hamster and I some much-needed girl time. WHICH WE NEED MUCH MORE OF (hint, hint). Seriously, she is such a light in my life . . . she makes dumb shit ridiculously fun. I swear Hamster is one of those people who truly could make watching paint dry seem fun. She's just that bust-up funny. Best of all is her "faux serious face," I think.

Everyone thinks I am the troublemaker (okay, so maybe I am) -- but I couldn't do it all these years without such a willing partner, who pushes me to the "dangerously legal" limits that she does. We've never crossed the lines of what is legal, but gawd we have certainly edged close to it! (I will freely admit having danced right over the lines of good taste on countless occasions, though).

Our friendship has survived so many changes, and has even surprised me in how it has actually thrived throughout it, especially over the past couple of years. I could not have made it without My Hamster (I am nothing if not possessive). I have felt so hopeless and helpless and downright crazy at times, and I am often convinced that I am of no help to ANYBODY. And yet, here is this amazing, capable, focused, brilliant chickie reaching out, asking me to help her?! Gawd, it makes me feel like a million bucks to be able to do for others, especially her.

Mucho Gracias, Senora! Now pass me a damn cupcake, and stop hogging the Chandon.

OMG!

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LORI & JAY GOT ENGAGED!!!

(He asked her at "Touchdown Jesus" earlier today, hee-hee!)

Less Second-Guessing, More Rainbows

I am lucky to have some very good friends who are in all different sorts of life stages, and each of them, in some unique way, has significantly contributed to keeping me sane, especially during the past several years "Fertility Field Trip" (Lori gets credit for that tag, lol).

Not one of them has found herself walking (okay, creeping) down the same path as mine, even among the parents in my posse. Which is probably why there are several blogs I regularly visit on the internet to glimpse, if you will, at the possible forks in the road I could take if I wanted to.

I say could take, because Dr. J and I made a choice, way back before we even started trying to expand our twosome, to not pursue assisted fertility techniques, should it come to it. And despite all of the medical and genetic work-up, and the incredibly crushing heartbreak we have had, we have stuck to this decision. My close friends have been amazingly supportive of this, which I have to say, has been a pleasant surprise! I know plenty of adoptive parents who get shit from their friends and/or families about why they aren't doing this, that, or the other. For our families, I'd say about 90% have been supportive our of our choice.

But as much as this helps, I wish I had a close friend who has walked this loooonnnng road we find ourselves going down (the "Path to Ping-Ping") and could both advise and commiserate with me. "Just adopt!", people will say, as if it's the simpliest thing in the world. Adoption is NOT the easy choice. It's the hard one. It's the long one. And I gotta tell ya, sometimes it's tempting, such as on those days when I am in tears over "the Paperchase" to say "Phuck it, let's go to the R.E. and get this over with." Cause I know it would work. WE know it already. (By the way, thank you Posse, for keeping my eyes on the prize -- esp. Lori, for that one time in particular when I could barely squeak out the words and tell you what was wrong!!!)

Which brings me back to the blogs I read. One woman in particular, Jamie, has been so honest and good about chronicling her every step in her quest to get pregnant. And yet she has had nothing but bad luck and even no luck for 3+ years. And now she is questioning whether she has spent her money wisely, and is wondering if she shouldn't have just pursued adoption from the start, instead of driving herself crazy with all of the doctors appointments, drugs, and procedures.

And while my heart aches for Jamie and her husband, I'd be lying if I didn't find myself, and the choice we have made, being affirmed by her lack of success. I know that if or when Jamie decides she has had enough and instead pursues an international adoption, she will face years of frustration and challenges, though of a different kind. But she will get a rainbow at the end of so many rainy days.

Just like we will.

And it's moments like that, which I try to grasp and hold onto tightly, reminding myself that THIS is a perfect example (even at someone's else expense) of why we chose what we chose. And why we keep running towards The Goal.

FIELD REPORT -- Wednesday

Our last full day in Kal-ee-forn-yah. We were sad. We have such a love/hate relationship with our former place of residence.

We love the food, the wine, the amazing scenery, the never-ending amount of things to do, see, and tackle. And my job, gawd, we BOTH loved my old job there!

But we hated (and still loathe) the cost of living, the traffic, shitty schools, mass amount of illegal aliens, crooked politicians, and Liberals.

We met up with Dr. J's old boss and still-mentor for lunch. Damn him, Dr. Watson kept tempting us! About 4 times he asked when we were moving back, and continuously reminded Dr. J that should we move back, he "has a job waiting" (with Dr. Watson). Don't get me wrong, I adore Dr. Watson -- he is a former Army Ranger, a true flirt (I love a flirt!), and shaped my husband in so many valuable ways. I guess it's good to know that we have options, if we choose to move back someday. Hey, it's always good to be wanted!

We had a thoroughly yummy lunch in downtown Mountain View at Cascal. Cuban food, yum! I so miss this about Mountain View -- Castro Street (main drag) continuously has THEE BEST food offerings ever. EVER!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, we then had to waste the next several hours trying to get an emergency prescription filled. Grrrr. California pharmacies are toooooo busy. Maybe this was a fortunate frustration, after all? It jolted us back into reality.

We loaded up on food and wine at Trader Joe's, where I got hit on by a very tall and oh-so-helpful Tarder Joe's employee, and then headed back to Adrian's for our last night of debauchery. And oh, did we ROCK it there!

Perhaps more significantly, I succeeded in getting Adrian HOOKED on Kirsten's and mine favorite reality show, "America's Next Top Model"!!!

And to end our trip, we learned that Noah had left for us a very special present to give to our lil' guy Nate (and Noah's BIGGEST FAN) -- an SFPD hat. Gawd, Noah is both a bad-ass AND a rock star!!!!!!!

Lines of the Day:

* Ms. J -- "Adrian, the show features skinny, insecure women who think they are fat. You'll love it!"

* Adrian -- "Okay, I am now hooked on this show!"

THURSDAY Line of the Day:

* Noah -- "I have to go to San Quentin."

FIELD REPORT -- Tuesday

Today we split up a bit. Dr. J set off to Woodland (near Sacramento) to visit with his former schoolmate, Christian. Christian and his wife have their own chiroratic office, Premier Chiropractic, which Dr. J got to tour and trade stories about. I adore Christian. He has always been a very good friend to Dr. J, and he's just an all-around cool guy.

Meanwhile, Adrian and I had set off to San Francisco in her "gay Miata" to meet up with Kirsten for my inaugural lunch at Rubio's. YUM! Now I understand why they ate there so many times while they worked together. Mmmmmm!

After lunch, we left Kirsten to go visit the Louis Vuitton store, so that Adrian could pre-shop for her anniversary gift. I made sure to not touch anything, lest LV-itis rub off on me and suck me in like it has Adrian and Kirsten. That task completed, we then went to some other high-end home decor store which Adrian adores. Man, did I ever feel like the country bumpkin in there, lol! Geez, I get excited about something from IKEA -- whoa, this was WAY out of my league (forever), hee-hee! But God Bless Her, Adrian has a beautiful home, and is amazing when it comes to putting just the right touches in furnishing a house. Really, she has a talent (no matter how much we may faux-mock her interests)!

We then walked up to Chinatown which, despite the years we lived in the Bay Area, I never actually visited before. I picked up a few trinkets for myself, and a bunch of postcards (gee, what a surprise -- not). The last story we stopped in, and I still have no idea why THAT store as opposed to the hundreds of others, happened to have a small section of children's books. And that's when I saw it . . . I almost cried when I saw it, it just felt like Fate or something?! If Kirsten had been there I probably WOULD have cried (but Adrian is not one for too much emotion so I kept it in). Still, even Adrian knew this was a spooky coincidence and insisted that I just HAD to buy it. So I did. The first thing I ever bought for our "Ping-Ping" was a book for Dr. J and I to read to her someday. I also bought one other book while I was there, because I remember reading it and enjoying it as a child myself.

I was soooo excited to show these books to Dr. J when we met up later that night. I could have bought them at any children's bookstore. But it just seemed fitting that I bought them in Chinatown. And it even seemed fitting that I bought them with "Aunt Adrian."

Lines of the Day:


* Ms. J -- "If you had to live in San Francisco, what neighborhood would you choose?" / Adrian -- "I just wouldn't."

* Adrian -- "You are too pretty. I wasn't talking to you (Dr. J), I was talking to the dogs."

FIELD REPORT -- Monday

Today was Napa Day!

But wait, first we must run Adrian's errands, like we are suddenly her assistants?! So after the post office and bank we set off for Napa. We lunch at Mustard's (yum), then head over to ZD. Decent enough for Adrian to purchase a good red, but not enough for Dr. J & I to make the financial leap.

Then we headed to Frog's Leap, a favorite of Adrian's. Well, it used to be, at least. Adrian did NOT like the decor of the tasting room (it was like Lands End meets Restoration Hardware). She hated the greenish color on the walls (I thought it looked like field moss, but WTF do I know?!) I think 99.9% of people would have found the relaxed, classy atmosphere of their tasting room charming, but not our ManHands. She hated it, and thus any chance of her enjoying their wine was promptyly ruined. Fair enough.

We headed off to Duckhorn. Ahhhhh! As soon as we walked in, Adrian KNEW it was gonna be good. The ambience was right for her, and this she relaxed. Thus, WE could relax, cause Ms. Home Decor Princess was happy. We settled in to try five wines, two of which we all liked very much. Then I saw one on the retail menu that was not part of the tasting menu. Sooooo, even though I was on vacation, I channeled my lobbyist charm, pushed up my cleavage, and asked the one male employee with reddish hair if I could "please just try a little taste of the Decoy?!" (cue me with big eyes, voice dripping with faux innocence yet laced with flirtation, and a slight toss of my own red hair).

It worked. C'mon . . . you KNEW it was gonna work. That is, after all, what I do.

So we tried the Decoy. Ahhhhh! Perfection! All three of us were sated! I wanted to run into the fields, drink a whole bottle of this wine, and just be silly. Mmmmmm.

All three of us now happily buzzed, Adrian decides we need dessert at Auberge du Soleil. It's a very high-brow kind of place, with gorgeous views. We choose several desserts and load up on ice water before we drive to Concord to meet Kirsten!!!!

Onward to meet "Chrissie," the other Charlie's Angel in our merry trio! OHMIGAWD! I am in "wuv" with my Kirsten! GORGEOUS TWINS!!!!!!!!!! (I am talking about her kids, Meg & Simon, now -- get your minds out of the gutter -- leave that dirty ol' man stuff to Dr. J!). And she is soooo pretty! Her hair is terrific! Adrian had us sit in a row and got Dr. J to take photos of our hair -- the contrast of red, blonde, and dark brown next to each other was "fantabulous" (Lisa, I am using "your word" again, darling!). Great idea, ManHands!!! The only thing missing was Jesse -- whom Kirsten, Dr. J and I have yet to meet.


Lines of the Day:

* Adrian -- "Oh, it's so pretty here. It's like a 24-degree view!"

* Adrian -- "Phuckingtastic!"

* Adrian -- "Excuse me, is there a cake-age fee here?"

* Friend of Drunk Guy -- "Sober up, dude!"

* Drunk Guy -- "I'm sober enough to know that I need to get out of this place. I am a selfish bastard. But phuck it, I am not as selfish as this bastard!

* Mahmoud Ahmadinejad -- "There are no gays in Iran. That is a phenomen unique to the United States."