Panic

It kinda crept up on me.

I was at the gym, getting in my usual Friday post-workday exercise on the treadmill. I normally do about an hour of cardio. About 15 minutes into it, I suddenly noticed that I was breathing really hard. I was surprised, since it was still early in the workout.

I looked down at the control panel and saw that I wasn't working out hard at all, I was actually taking it easy. But by this point I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest! WTF?! Then I recognized what was happening to me . . . I . . . was . . . having . . . a . . . PANIC ATTACK.

OMG.

When is the last time I had one of these?! Maybe a decade ago, while studying for some exam in college or grad school?! My pulse was racing, it hurt to take a deep breath, and I could feel the beginnings of hyper-ventilation.

I then started to piece together all the things that had happened that day which had lead to this moment. I had managed to keep a positive attitude throughout all of the things that had brought me down during the workday, as well as post-workday. I had acknowledged the things that had bothered me, annoyed me, upset me, even hurt me. I then in turn had shrugged off all of these, and dismissed them, if you will. Still, my body wasn't done dealing with it. Cue the panic attack!

I slowed down the treadmill even more, until it was at a snail's pace. I tried to outlast the panic attack. But once the counter on the treadmill hit 30 minutes (and the symptoms had been around a good 7 minutes at this point), I decided to retreat to the locker room for some more pronounced deep, slow breaths. I called Dr. J, who of course wanted to come pick me up at the gym and drive me home (we only live 1.5 miles away). No matter how sweet his offer was, and how genuine the concern in his voice, I knew I had to be a Big Girl and get myself home.

And I did. My chest was still hurting, but not as bad. I tried my best to rationalize what had lead up to the panic attack, which made me remember other irritations during the work day that I hadn't even considered up until that moment. GEEZ, it was NO WONDER why my psyche had suddenly crashed!

A hot shower (and a few more tears) helped relieve 80% of the panic attack. As anyone who had ever had a panic attack knows, the symptoms completely alleviate at their own friggin' speed. You can't wish them away once it starts . . . like a large farm animal in the middle of a country road, they move along when THEY want to, not at your command (grrrrr!)

Moo.