Setting Sail!!!

We just the phone call from Masha, AND the following e-mail . . .

Dear J and J,

I received your authenticated dossier today. It looks good. So I will ship your dossier to China on Friday, November 2,2007. Congratulations!

I wanted to thank you for your hard work on your dossier and your patience. I appreciated it!

Best regards,

Masha

OMG!!! What a series of emotions we are having right now!!! Soooo excited, so happy, so stunned . . . THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!!!

Now, folks, we still have quite the wait ahead of us . . . but SHE IS COMING!

Who Knew?

Let me start by saying this: There is a dizzying array of space heaters on the market.

I had no idea.

What prompted this discovery was my obsessive desire to ward off any huge, high gas bills this winter. Look, I am a first-time homeowner and first-time homedweller (since BIRTH, people!). All of this is new, and often scary to me. Really. I do NOT love being a homeowner. I know, I know, I am supposed to be giggly happy about how wonderful and exciting it is to own and fix-up and decorate a home.

I hate it.

I miss the simplicity of an apartment. I miss not having these types of choices. I miss having rather fixed costs each month, and not having to speculate in terror what my gas bill will be, WTF I will do if something breaks, and I still have solved our lawn care problem (to buy or not to buy the lawnmower -- dammit, can't I just get a hot guy to come cut the lawn every 3 weeks?! Can I not have ONE "Desperate Housewife" moment?!?!)

Our house is half-decorated, half-painted, sorta-styled, and no where near how we want it to be -- if only we had (1) the money, (2) the know-how, (3) the time.

Back to the space heater. So electricity is waaaaayyyy cheaper in this region than cranking the gas high enough to heat the house. Yes, it's on a minimum level. Yes, I know about closing off rooms that we don't use, shutting vents, wearing slippers & six layers of clothing. We already have a dual-control heated mattress pad (and my gawd, that thing is dee-vine, lemme tell ya!)

So we decided to get a space heater for our bedroom, just to run for a few minutes at night, or while we sleep. And possibly to bring into the living room. We spend an average of 3 waking hours in the house on a weekday. There are like 6 gazillion models of space heaters out there. Really. We went to four stores to compare, and this is after Dr. J researched the whole thing online.

I already knew about getting one with the auto-shutoff if it tips over. But now I also know to get one with the infared beam that shuts it off if it becomes obstructed (by a fallen blanket, a child's toy, etc.) I also now know that a quartz heater is designed to heat objects, that there are varying degrees of "quietness," you can buy a sleek space heater that can be wall-mounted (looks like a flat screen t.v.), and they even make space heaters with REMOTE CONTROLS. Really -- no shit, they sell ones with remote controls! ("Oooh, snap!")

It was at the fourth store, as we stared at the numerous options on the shelves, that I remarked to Dr. J, "It took us less time to select a country from which to import a baby."

And folks, that IS the freakin' truth.

Culinary Porn

Damn those bastards. If it wasn't bad enough for me to know that they are out there, calling my name, tempting me at every moment, imploring me to come visit, making all sorts of promises about how gooood it will be if I just give in . . . now I find myself having to additionally resist the temptation of staring at their sultry selves online.

That's right -- Dozen has begun posting photos of their new Fall flavors. Sonofabitch.

As if my days weren't already full of distractions, I now have to keep myself from viewing these photos as if they were centerfolds. Because that IS what it feels like -- I am trying to NOT think about them, to keep myself busy, and feed my desire with other things.

But dammit they are calling me!!! I already am obsessed with the decadent innocence of the Vanilla Vanilla . . . and now I am just going crazy over thoughts of the Raspberry Zinger and Chocolate Chip Cookie. (I don't even like coconut all that much I am willing to give the Raspberry Zinger a try & hopefully be surprised).

Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Birthday Re-Cap

The last couple of years (and especially last year) I have absolutely dreaded my birthday. For about a thousand reasons, I just couldn't muster up any enthusiasm for celebrating. But I am trying to do better this year, in spite of my preference to still not celebrate much of anything. Celebrations are supposed to be about joy, and everytime I try to do so (celebrate) I feel guilty because I think of what has been lost. Even writing about it is hard.

But I am also trying to not be such a downer to those around me. So I agreed to dip my toes back into the birthday pool this year. But there couldn't be a party, and I told my mother point blank that if there is a cake on Sunday (we are going out to dinner) I will never speak to her again. Really. I am hopeful she will respect my wishes and comply.

I received an early surprise the day prior to my birthday when one of the most vocal and critical members of my Board of Directors showed up at a meeting with a personalized birthday cake for me -- whoa! This is a woman who my (staff-level) colleagues refer to as "The one who eats her young" -- yeah, a real ball-buster. And she brought ME a cake?!?! I was very touched, to tell the truth.

Wednesday, my actual birthday, was chock full of important meetings and even a public hearing. But my friends and family managed to squeeze in the appropriate text messages and phone calls of cheer. I was stunned when I went back to my office late in the day and there was a gorgeous floral arrangment from . . . my husband! You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was really surprised by this. They were so beautiful, and full of "Nancy Reagan Red" flowers that look great with the leaves changing colors all around our town at present.

After work I met Lori for dinner and finally got the chance to fawn (in person) about her new, shiny, sparkling engagement ring! Then Dr. J picked me up and we went out to dinner at one of our favorite places. There was a major service problem at the beginning of the meal, but as we got up to leave the manager recognized us, and insisted we sit back down. He wound up comping us an appetizer, a bottle of wine (yum!) and a really adorable dessert which they call "A Study of Chocolate."

We were positively STUFFED by the end of the meal . . . how we made it to the car and home is still a mystery?! Dr. J gave me a very touching birthday card when we got back to our house (which made me cry, but they were okay tears).

But it was just what I needed for my birthday this year . . . low-key, simple, and delicious.

Birthday Forecast

My maternal grandmother (Sagittarius) got me hooked on astrology when I was just a wee little chickie. I can remember reading "Sun Signs" when I was, geez, 6 years old?! My Dad is similarly hooked on his horoscope, to the point that he calls our disabled aunt every morning just to have her read his horoscope (Aries) over the phone to him. No, we are not letting it rule our lives or anything like that. Still, I know that sometimes the general description of a Scorpio (me) is eerily on the mark.

So I thought it might be fun to note and record my the various sources are fortelling about my birthday, today:

From Astrology.com, my birthday reading:

You have a sensible and realistic outlook on life and your two feet are always planted firmly on the ground (though you may, on occasion, have your head in the clouds). Others often see you as a rock of strength, solid, reliable, dependable, and constant. You are, in fact, amazingly consistent for you possess great powers of endurance and do not like to make changes or adjustments in your regular routine. You do things deliberately and methodically and do not easily accommodate the unexpected. Though you have a gentle, even soft, appearance, you are enormously strong-willed and stubborn. You go at your own pace and refuse to be rushed or pushed into anything before you feel sure about it. You can be coaxed and persuaded by charm, beauty, love, or affection - but never forced. You won't fight either, but simply stubbornly resist any attempt to coerce you to do something you do not want to do. Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

From Yahoo.com's 2007 Overview for Scorpio:

Passion carries you far this year in the realms of creativity and expression. Getting in touch with and appreciating more of your passionate nature will transform you in a way that results in putting more money in the bank. You could easily work as an advisor for big companies or in public relations. You understand what motivates people to do a good job and will find yourself in situations where people want your advice. Your creative insight expresses itself in dynamic ways and you will gain lots of recognition.

You have a very good support system in both your career and home life, and will learn that perfect order is taking place in your life at this time. Since your career has gotten off to such a great start this year, by summertime you will have more time on your hands to become romantically involved in a new relationship (or rekindling of old), which you've been thinking about for quite some time. You will be receiving some new and dynamic surprises and will be inspired to do some new and out-of-the-ordinary things in both your career and personal life.

You could enjoy spending time traveling to foreign lands and be drawn to observing others' ideas and cultures. You love to study. You will find that your relationship gives you lots of space to breathe, and yet you still have lots of spare time to take care of your own needs as well. You'll need tons of physical interaction to satisfy that wild passion of yours. Having massages, going to hot springs and being close to nature will bring a lot of balance and harmony to your life.

From the NY Post.com, my birthday reading:

October 24, 2007 -- It's okay to be serious about your aims in life but not so serious that you lose your ability to have fun. Every time you feel the corners of your mouth begin to turn down this year you must think of something amusing that gets you smiling again. It's not so hard - life is meant to be fun.

From CafeAstrology.com, my forecast from 10/24/07 - 10/24/08:

Uranus is a strong player in your Solar Return chart this year, as this electric planet is in hard aspect to the Sun, Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter. As such, some level of unpredictability and/or tension is likely to be a theme in the year ahead. Your life speeds up with this influence, as you adapt to the many changes in your life. You march to the beat of your own drummer this year. Your behavior may be willful, however, which could get you into predicaments from time to time! You may often be tempted to throw out practical or traditional considerations in favor of more exciting or stimulating plans. Unexpected changes in plans or events can test your patience. However, they could stimulate you to try new approaches and they certainly act to cut boredom. Your creativity is stimulated this year, but so is your excitability and your need for freedom. You are likely to be more outspoken than usual, perhaps even rebellious.

Busy, busy, busy! The Sun conjunct Mercury in your Solar Return chart suggests that you have a lot to do this year. At times, you may feel like the pace of your life is running ahead of you. You can be especially productive, however, in all types of communications--writing, speaking, learning, teaching, and so forth.

Mercury sextiles Pluto, suggesting that your mental faculties are attuned to otherworldly impressions, offering you increased insight, psychological understanding and awareness, and focused attention. You are inclined to do a lot of “digging”, researching, analyzing, investigating, and getting to the bottom of things. Increased psychological awareness of yourself and others can benefit you greatly, and employing strategy in your decision making is easier than usual this year. Relationships with younger people may be especially rewarding and meaningful.

Venus opposes Uranus and squares Jupiter in your Solar Return chart, and some disruptions in your friendships and attachments are possible this year. Over-inflated expectations is something to watch out for. You may overvalue something (or someone), perhaps in an attempt to dramatize your life. You may be especially sociable, in the mood to party, dramatic, extravagant, and inclined to overindulge as a result of a feeling of inner discontent and a desire for more from life than daily routines. Unusual attractions (to people and things) can have you acting on a whim. You may deal with freedom versus closeness issues in your relationships. It may be that you experience sudden changes or breakups with a friend or lover. However, the chance of a sudden new friendship is just as likely. At the root of this is a stronger taste for the unusual. What is familiar is less exciting to you than what is new and different. If a relationship seems to threaten your sense of freedom, you may have an easy time separating from it. Some fireworks in both your social and financial lives are to be expected, keeping things fresh and exciting. The best way to handle this energy is to open yourself up to the need for change in your love life or with regards to how you spend and make money--or both. Get in touch with this need for new experiences and/or attitudes so that changes are not forced upon you.

With the Sun sextile the North Node of the Moon, you are likely to form new relationships or connections that further your spiritual growth, or to enhance existing relationships with a spirit of camaraderie. People in authority regard you favorably for the most part. Events take place in which you feel like you are moving forward and growing into a new phase of your life.

The year ahead is one of rapid growth and insistent self-expression. Your social life is bound to involve some fireworks as changes are required of existing relationships. Opportunities to advance in your career come when you employ strategy in your decision making. The need to make changes, and for more freedom in your life in general, can lead to restlessness this year. Life is very busy and quick in pace. Be sure to avoid overly impulsive actions.

2007 is a Number Seven year for you. Ruled by Neptune. This is a year of preparation, chance, and refinement. It is not a time of dramatic changes. Instead, it's a year when reflection on the past is helpful, and when refinements to your life path should be made. It's a good year to study and analyze. Unexpected twists to your life story and "chance" meetings are probable. Advice - take stock of your life in order to prepare for more exciting years to come, examine the past and plan for the future, get in touch with your deepest needs and uncover your personal power, don't strain yourself or actively try to expand.

2008 will be a Number Eight year for you. Ruled by Saturn. This is a year of power and accomplishment. Actively seeking to expand, taking educated risks, and moving forward are highlighted. This is a year of opportunity, particularly in the material and business world, and opportunities need to be seized. It's generally not a year to find a new love partner, simply because the focus is on the material world and your place in the world. This is a problem-solving year in which you can expect real, tangible results. Advice - take action, plan ahead, seize opportunities.

And Finally:

Your personal ruling planets are Mars and Venus.

You are without a doubt a person of strong magnetic presence and will always be at your best when in the company of the other sex.

Your dramatic flair and larger than life gestures attract the attention of those around you and result in your being considered the life of the party.

You are a very devoted family person and loyal to the needs of loved ones. You adhere to the principles of domestic life and the needs of children too.

In matters of finance, you are very capable in stretching a dollar and always appear to be well to do even if you're scratching. Venus being your ruler grants you exceptional taste and refinement in your life choices and attire too!

Music, art and literature will always be an important ingredient of your life!

Your lucky colours are white and cream, rose and pink.

Your lucky gems are diamond, white sapphire or quartz crystal.

Your lucky days of the week Friday, Saturday, Wednesday.


My Dad called me at lunchtime today. And he read me MY horoscope. What a great moment, espcially since he has no idea I have this blog and had written about this topic :o)

The List

So my birthday is coming up. Yes, I admit it. I used to love this time of year when I was younger . . . the combination of the gorgeous fall colors, football season, crisp weather, Halloween, and my birthday would always coalesce to put a smile on my face and genuine enthusiasm in my heart.

When we lived in Kal-ee-forn-yah this started to change, though. First, due to the weather and absence of truly spectacular colors (yes, the leaves do change there, but not like here). And it would still be, like, 90 degrees in October out there. (Okay, so it's supposed to hit the 80's this week, but oh well). But we had such a teeny-tiny box of an apartment when we lived there, that there just wasn't room for much more, and knowing that "The Plan" (hey, I always have a plan!) was to move back East, well, I didn't want to accumulate more "stuff". Having moved approximately 6 gazillion times as a child, I loathe packrats, people who can't part with their shit, and knick-knack stuff on the whole.

So I got in the habit of wanting "experiences" for my birthday, Christmas, anniversary, or V-Day. Ya know, tickets to a play or concert, or something unique that would give me a great memory. That's something easy to pack, and it never gets lost. But we've been back East for 4 years now, so the "no stuff" excuse is gone. Still, the budget issues remain -- no, make that they are TIGHTER than ever. Oh, we are managing, thanks to my ability to stick to a budget and squirrel away money like an acorn. But it's never been tighter, considering.

All of this crystalized in my always swirling brain recently when I was asked "what do you want for your birthday?" HUH?! Aside from my usual vices of VS undies and wine from Sonoma . . . well, it's kinda sad, I guess, but I just don't dream that way. I don't think about what I can't have, even if it's due to self-imposed limits. But sometimes Adrian and Kirsten play a game where they "virtual shop" for the things they want but can't have (I guess this is the online version of window sopping nowadays?!), so I thought I'd give it a try!

Sooooo, for anyone who is STILL looking for that perfect birthday gift for me, here are some ideas:

• Select Comfort Mattress -- I have NOT been sleeping well for some time now, and part of the blame goes to my mattress (though I did completely crash this past Friday night, and got probably the most sound sleep I have had in months).

• Pedicures twice a month, to accompany my manicures. This would also mean I get to spend twice as much time with Melissa, which would be divine!

• Black pearls -- I'd probably get more opportunities to wear a pendant necklace (which is more my speed anyway), but you can't deny how gorgeous a whole gleaming strand is!


• Sirius radio -- or any type of satellite radio gizmo that allows me to float between hip-hop music, jazz, 80's throwbacks, Big Band (yes, I am a closet fan!), while still getting my Dennis Miller fix as needed (love ya, guy!)


• Weekly massages. Really. This goes without saying.

• A limo to drive me around in. Or, if not, I'd take a nice Jaguar so I can cruise in style. Ice blue in color, and old-school with the hood ornament (if anyone really wants to make me happy).

• Diamond stud earrings. Platinum setting preferred, but it's negotiable. Normally I am all about the hoops. But I saw Adrian's and I admit I coveted a bit
  

• Unlimited shopping at H&M. And if the shopping trip could be with HM, that'd be even better.
  


• A night at Nemacolin. With the big tub. Screw the French restaurant in the hotel though.

• Finally (and I really don't think this is too much to ask) two uninterrupted nights with any of the following men: Jimmy Smits, Anthony LaPaglia, Dennis Haysbert, Blair Underwood, Victor Garber, Eric Close, Daniel Dae Kim, and pretty much the entire cast of The Unit.
  
  

THE FIRST TIME

Today was a big day for my man. Drumroll please . . . he got his very first REIMBURSEMENT CHECK from an insurance company, for services he has rendered! [Yes, it DOES take that long for doctors to get paid, so everyone close your jaws].

To understand this, folks, know when you get an "EOB" (Explanation of Benefits) in the mail, telling you what the doctor billed your insurance for, how much your responsibility was, and how much the insurance company PAID your doctor? Yep, THAT'S what Blue Cross slid into his business bank account today.

WOO-FRICKIN'-HOO, Boys and Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, it was not some piddly $12 or any shit like that. It was GOOOOOOD.

Of course, this gets rolled right back into the business -- hey, Dr. J has a loan to pay off, rent to keep paying, and equipment to keep leasing. (But in my Fantasyland Daydreams I am spending the money on myself, hee hee -- hey, a Trophy Wife's gotta dream, right?!)

But it's a significant moment, nonetheless. And I am very proud.

Two good things in one week (see immediate prior post), and only days apart, is this possible?! I feel nervous just speaking about it in anything above the most hushed of whispers!

Adrian, we're crackin' open that bottle of Decoy TONIGHT, sistah!!!!

Paperchase Progress, and A Thought?!

Got some great news about an hour ago . . . .

Hi J. and J.,

I received your certified dossier from Pennsylvania
Secretary of State today, and will send it to New York
Chinese Consulate for authentication today.

Thanks,

Masha

Masha is the Chinese lady who works at Holt that handles our dossier paperwork (by the way, she costs extra -- as she provides a "document processing service," which means nothing to those of you who have never adopted internationally, but is something we considered to be important enough to pay extra for).

Anyhoo, we were THRILLED to get this note from Masha today! As soon as the Chinese Consultate in New York "authenticates" our dossier . . . it's sent off to China to be stamped with a "Log-In Date," which is SO HUGE!!!

We can't thank enough all of our friends and family who have been with us throughout ALL of our bullshit to get to this point. Seriously, I know I crack a lot of jokes, BUT, we continue to need everybody's support, understanding, humor, prayers, friendship, and love.

I know the payoff is out there, even if it feels a loooonnnnggg way off . . . which is why blogs like this one really keep me afloat (especially when I feel as if I will give up this endless treading of water and drown):

Waiting for Sophie

I challenge anyone to scroll down these photos and NOT fall in love with this little girl!!! Clearly, she is a bright shiny penny to all who come in contact with her (and has a Mom who knows how to find some damn stylish clothes for her little girl!)

I had shared this with Dr. J today, and we wound up having the following IM conversation:

Ms. J: did you see the China blog I sent you about that little girl Sophie? She is gorgeous!
Dr. J.: I looked at it real quick, very pretty girl.
Ms. J: I looked back at the first photos of her, when they first got her, and the change is dramatic
Ms. J: CLEARLY, these people have a few bucks to throw around. The mom was rather hot, too
Dr. J: milf?
Ms. J: DEFINTIELY
Dr. J: just like you will be
Ms. J: Maybe i should have called our adoption bog "but i wanna be a MILF?
Dr. J: Nice!

Getting Soft

There region in which I live has been going through some far-ranging temperature shifts . . . like 20-30 degrees in a few days time. Of course, in this area of the country it is not unheard of to have to run your car's heat and A/C all in the course of the same day, hee hee.

STILL, this is the first fall/winter season in which I have been a homeowner, and thus I am more concerned about my gas bill than I have been in the past (hell, most of the apartments I lived in didn't include a separate gas bill). Thus, I have not yet been willing to flick the heat on in our house yet. But this has made for some chilly nights lately.

I used to be so much tougher when it came to being too hot or too cold in my assorted homes as I grew up. This is due to my mother, the original bill-miser, REFUSING to ever let me turn on the A/C or heat wherever we lived, even if the cost was already rolled into our monthly rent payment. The heat always bothered me more than the cold, to the point that I can actually remember CRYING, pleading for my mom to let me turn it on for just a few minutes, as my asthma made it nearly impossible sometimes to get any relief. Thank gawd once I got old enough to drive I just learned to haul ass to the mall for free A/C, or to stay overnight at a friend's house when it became unbearable. Nonetheless, I still probably harbor some lingering resentment for the sticky summer evenings in which my already-temperamental hair wound up looking like ka-ka due to my mom's refusal to A/C-accomodate me for the 15 minutes it took me to style my hair. Grrrr.

When we moved to the Bay Area in order for Dr. J to go to graduate school, my father-in-law (himself a former Bay Area resident) warned me, in his New Yahk accent, that "You'll get soft living in the Bay Area," due to the mild climate in the winters (though we had some scorching summers during the rolling blackouts, oi vey). Generally, I do NOT bitch about the cold weather, as I love wintery scenery. But when it's this chilly in my house . . . well, I begin to fear my father-in-law may be right.

Dr. J made me so friggin' happy last Thursday night, when I came home late from a political fundraiser, tired as hell & knowing I would be getting only 4 hours sleep before I had to be awake for an early-morning legislative breakfast, by surprising me with . . . having put our electric mattress pad on our big bed. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh, I was in esctasy as I crawled on top of my toasty mattress!

Last night was another cold one. No heat in the house, per our attempt to NOT flick on the furnace in October. It was nice to curl up in that bed, all nice and warm, mmmmm.

But DAMN, was it difficult to get out of bed this morning, as a result. I kept hitting the snooze button on my alarm, and Dr. J kept trying to keep me from getting out of bed (damn you).

I finally swung my feet on the floor, fluffy bathrobe wrapped around me, and padded my way to the bathroom. And as I sat down on the chilled toilet I could only focus on one thought:

I LEFT A COZY BED AND A WARM MAN FOR THIS?!?!

Lust . . . Frosting

The temptation was building . . . and I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out. Sure, I've enjoyed them before, but when you really find something you like, alot, it can be difficult to not develop a craving for it. And then the craving gets more and more frequent.

And then on Friday morning, it got even more intense, as this lil' item was e-mailed to me, directly by Dozen, announcing that finally, the new fall menu had arrived! And the new ones, raspberry zinger AND chocolate chip cookie??? COME TO ME!!!

How was I supposed to work that day, or even since then, knowing that this type of temptation is out there, calling my name over and over and over?!?!

Is it a WANT or a NEED? Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. I just know that I am obsessively thinking about it, sigh. In my defense, the frosting has never let me down . . . if sin is something that can be licked, than Dozen's frosting is the devil.

OMG!

+

=

LORI & JAY GOT ENGAGED!!!

(He asked her at "Touchdown Jesus" earlier today, hee-hee!)

A New View on Fall

Normally this is my favorite time of year, FALL! I loooovvve Fall, and all of the great things it brings with it: the gorgeous colors from the leaves changing, the crisp air, my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, wearing my favorite CFM boots, the local high school football mania, and of course election season (I'm a weirdo, I know, okay?!)

My girlfriends and I have always acknowledged that the bad thing about summer's passing is that (sniff, sniff) we must pack away our cute lil' sundresses until next year (boo). Still, on the whole, Fall was good, right?!

'Cept that this year seems different for me. Because I am a homeowner. Damn, this changes everything. Those stunning leaves? Yeah . . . I think I am now supposed to do something about them in my yard and on the sidewalk?! (Not that I will, but I am now wondering if my next-door neighbor who INSISTS on blowing her leaves into our yard with her one-armed leafblower gizmo, is passing judgement on me).

That crisp air? It's kinda freaking me out now, because I am worried about heating the house this winter. I called our local gas company to find out about their "budget plan," at my mother's encouragement. The price they suggested I pay each month, to balance out the winter months with the summer ones, was OBSCENE! I am praying that because they base it on the prior owner's usage -- an old lady -- and that she jacked up the heat and was on blood thinners, or something like that! Seriously, this panicked me so much that I quickly called every homeowner relative I knew (as well as Lori so she could call HER Mommy for me) and inquired about their winter gas bill! HOLY SHIT! WTF?!

But wait, there's still my birthday that makes Fall happy, right?! Yeah, right . . . I am becoming increasingly good at lying about my age, which shocks me since I never thought I'd be one of "those" women who was bugged by such a thing. I think it's because I am used to being the young star in my profession/industry -- and recently I have noticed that they're now folks younger than me (but I am convinced I am still much cuter than they -- or is that the smug confidence from being, gasp, older?!)

Halloween -- Halloween is STILL a good Fall thing, right?! Shit, I am a homeowner now. So I asked my 75-year old neighbor (two houses down) how many kids to expect to come knocking And phuck if that didn't result if me walking out of Sam's Club this past weekend with $30 worth of candy. Sigh. I tried to buy stuff I do NOT like, so I am less tempted. But Halloween candy is a purchase requiring great thought and care -- you must buy candy that the kids like enough NOT to egg your house in retribution, but NOT so good that the lil' bastards make 3 and 4 trips to your door on the same night.

High school football must still be a good Fall thing! But my little brother (Lil' Bill) is now in college, which means I am required to make a few obligatory appearences at the midget football games of my baby brother (Mr. Chad) and Nate. I like football, and I love my baby brother and Nate . . . but damn, football games involving 11 year olds are downright painful.

Election season is now WORK for me, as my job requires attendance at A LOT of candidate fundraisers and cocktail parties, as well as coordinating the appearence of my Board members at these events in addition to what seems like ENDLESS golf outings. Don't get me wrong, I like this sort of thing. Hell, I excel at this sort of thing. But just because I am good at something and there is an element of "fun" to it doesn't mean it's not work. Cause it is. I get teased about this all the time by people, as if going to these things is screwing off -- hey, YOU try spending your evenings at these things, having 2-3 drinks in order to blend in, working your way past the 20 people standing around the candidate, persuading them about the merits of your issue/bill, and extracting a promise from them?! Not as easy as you think, I assure you. And on top of this, because I do this for a living, during my non-work hours EVERYBODY wants to "talk politics" with me. Gawd almighty, now I know how doctors feel at parties -- suddenly everybody has an ache or pain or mysterious ailment they want looked at.

Okay, what's left?! Oh right, CFM boots. Lemme think on this one . . . hmmm, um, well . . . okay, CFM boots are STILL a good thing when Fall arrives.

So I am sticking with my CFM boots. Girls, I missed ya -- hope to be sporting you soon!

Kid Rock and Ted Nugent

I love Ted Nugent. Not his music, though I believe he is incredibly talented. But I love Teddy 'cause he's so pure, so hard core, so unapologetic and full throttle! I get a kick every time I hear him on Dennis Miller or Glenn Beck's radio programs.

But I am proud of Kid Rock for what I read about him in the paper recently (New York Post's Page Six of all places?!), too:

Rock Takes A Shot At Penn

WE'D love to see a debate on the war in Iraq between Kid Rock and Sean Penn. Rock didn't name Penn in his interview with Penthouse magazine, but he seemed to be aiming at the actor when he said, "These kids [U.S. soldiers] are very young and a lot of them think people who oppose the war are against them. You have to be very careful with what you talk about - specially when you are some Hollywood [bleep]er. Just because you made a great movie doesn't make you are an expert on foreign policy." Rock spent Christmas with the troops and met then-Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, whom he defends. "I was at the White House drinking a Beam and Coke, shooting the [bleep] with Rumsfeld, when [President] Bush came by and gave me five like we were on Seven Mile and Van Dyke in Detroit," he told Penthouse. And Rock is a big proponent of firearms: "If it weren't for guns and people who know how to use them in America, we'd all be sitting around with swastikas saying, 'Heil Hitler!' "

Asides

A bunch of little things this weekend that kept me busy . . . .

* BARKTOBERFEST -- as usual, a very good time! A plethora of booze, munchies, and desserts. Best of all, I got to see all of my favorite cousins (minus Zanne, who was back in Ohio). And I got more psyched about going to "Wusster" next weekend, where I will see Zanne, and we shall frolic in the apple orchards (do I frolic?! Hmmm, probably not. I can skip, though).


* PARENTS -- Holy Shit, sometimes (no make that most of the times), when I dare venture out in public with my mother and stepfather, it feels like I am taking two little kids with me. Seriously. They either are easily distracted (hullo bright shiny object!) , bitching and moaning, or lumber on their feet like freakin' gazelles. And THEN they have the audacity to mock how fat everybody around them is getting?! Pot -- kettle. Kettle? Pot. (I am not trying to be mean -- but I really had ENOUGH this weekend -- and I had even woke up in a good mood on Saturday).


* DETOX -- I am fairly convinced that the past month's partying and general debauchery has caught up with me. I feel sluggish and less motivated to be at my physical best. So I am trying REALLY hard to get back on track. Fresh fruit, more water, EVEN LONGER workouts at the gym, and (gasp!) no wine. Okay, okay, maybe cold turkey is too extreme?! Start with LESS drinking.

Less Second-Guessing, More Rainbows

I am lucky to have some very good friends who are in all different sorts of life stages, and each of them, in some unique way, has significantly contributed to keeping me sane, especially during the past several years "Fertility Field Trip" (Lori gets credit for that tag, lol).

Not one of them has found herself walking (okay, creeping) down the same path as mine, even among the parents in my posse. Which is probably why there are several blogs I regularly visit on the internet to glimpse, if you will, at the possible forks in the road I could take if I wanted to.

I say could take, because Dr. J and I made a choice, way back before we even started trying to expand our twosome, to not pursue assisted fertility techniques, should it come to it. And despite all of the medical and genetic work-up, and the incredibly crushing heartbreak we have had, we have stuck to this decision. My close friends have been amazingly supportive of this, which I have to say, has been a pleasant surprise! I know plenty of adoptive parents who get shit from their friends and/or families about why they aren't doing this, that, or the other. For our families, I'd say about 90% have been supportive our of our choice.

But as much as this helps, I wish I had a close friend who has walked this loooonnnng road we find ourselves going down (the "Path to Ping-Ping") and could both advise and commiserate with me. "Just adopt!", people will say, as if it's the simpliest thing in the world. Adoption is NOT the easy choice. It's the hard one. It's the long one. And I gotta tell ya, sometimes it's tempting, such as on those days when I am in tears over "the Paperchase" to say "Phuck it, let's go to the R.E. and get this over with." Cause I know it would work. WE know it already. (By the way, thank you Posse, for keeping my eyes on the prize -- esp. Lori, for that one time in particular when I could barely squeak out the words and tell you what was wrong!!!)

Which brings me back to the blogs I read. One woman in particular, Jamie, has been so honest and good about chronicling her every step in her quest to get pregnant. And yet she has had nothing but bad luck and even no luck for 3+ years. And now she is questioning whether she has spent her money wisely, and is wondering if she shouldn't have just pursued adoption from the start, instead of driving herself crazy with all of the doctors appointments, drugs, and procedures.

And while my heart aches for Jamie and her husband, I'd be lying if I didn't find myself, and the choice we have made, being affirmed by her lack of success. I know that if or when Jamie decides she has had enough and instead pursues an international adoption, she will face years of frustration and challenges, though of a different kind. But she will get a rainbow at the end of so many rainy days.

Just like we will.

And it's moments like that, which I try to grasp and hold onto tightly, reminding myself that THIS is a perfect example (even at someone's else expense) of why we chose what we chose. And why we keep running towards The Goal.