Christmas Tag

I so do not have time for this, but I am so stressed out I will take the 5 minutes necessary to respond (plus, maybe it will inject some Christmas Spirit into me?!)

Here goes, passed to me by Kirsten:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper! I actually love to wrap gifts.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real.

3. When do you put up the tree? Usually about 10 days before Christmas, but not doing it this year -- it's too painful a reminder.

4. When do you take the tree down? If we were putting one up . . . probably a few days into the New Year.

5. Do you like egg nog? I don't even like the sound of it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? The huge t.v. my Daddy gave me when I was 6 years old. It was the beginning of a passionate and long-term love affair that continues to this day and has never let me down.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, a small one. Would like to upgrade in the future.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Myself. I always think the money should be put towards other things.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Anybody, really. I am very good at gift-giving -- the only thing that holds me back is lack of funds to properly spoil those I love and treasure.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Postal, all the way!

11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A Bible (that sounds terrible, but I was like 12 or 13 and it was from my Stepmonster's parents, who thought I was some heathen-child because I wasn't Presbyterian and my parents didn't make me attend church -- though, since we're Catholic, it was even more offensive and bizarre).

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? The Brady Bunch ones -- so bad they're good!

13. Do you still feel the magic? Honey, i AM the magic! (Really.)

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No. Well, unless it's chocolate and I am trying to get it out my house and into someone else's -- let them get fat!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Whatever Dr. J feels like cooking -- he is terrific! Turkey is always something I enjoy.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored . . . which is a serious problem in my marriage, since Dr. J grew up in freakin' "House Beautiful" where his mother decorated a tree that looked like a professional staged the damn thing. He resents my second grade art class ornaments, and preference for colored lights. It's an ongoing argument, which threatens the delicate balance of our marriage, and could ultimately break us up. To date, I have gotten us to agree to the following terms: white lights on the outside of the house, and colored lights on my "keepin' it real" Christmas tree inside.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" -- damn thing makes me teary each time I hear it, dammit (really).

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? This year we will be going to NYC and Long Island. It should be, um, interesting.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Yes. Wanna guess which one is my favorite?

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Again, this is a marital problem for me. I come from a Xmas Eve family, whereas Dr. J is a Xmas Morning guy. I know he's right . . . but I am so much of a snoop that those last few hours are unbearable for me!!!

21. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Lack of money and lack of Ping-Ping. And my in-laws.

22. Favorite ornament theme or color? Colors: Icy blues and silver . . . just like our wedding colors. Ornaments: This year, a VERY special ornament will be hanging on the trees of the people we love (stay tuned!)

23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? If it could be anything?! Belgian Waffle with powdered sugar & whipped cream, chicken-apple sausage, turkey, scalloped potatoes, grilled asparagus, and chocolate-chip ice cream.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? A time machine.

25. Who is most likely to respond to this? Lori

26. Who is least likely to respond to this? Noah

Black Weekend

In the spirit of all things American, we are supposed to shop, shop, SHOP this weekend. However, Dr. J still gets what I call "retails flashbacks," so we can never go full throttle. Also, we have the whole budget thing that keeps the padlock on the checkbook pretty tightly.

Nonetheless, we felt it best to venture out and play our part as good Americans.

And what did we buy? A new garage door remote system, so that we can re-program it in a way that we will now have TWO clickers to open it with.

And second, a new , inexpensive track light for our work-in-progress dining room, from IKEA. Please understand, with purchase of our house we inherited some NASTY light fixtures, the gawd-awful brass & frosted glass chandelier in our dining room being one of them. Ick, bleh! But after having so much fun with all of the couples we hung out with on Wednesday and Thursday, we decided we want to have people over to our house more often to entertain. And drink. And mock others, colectively.

Now I just have to find someone properly qualified to install it. Hmmmm.

Giving Thanks

When we gather for Thanksgiving Dinner at my cousins later on today there are a variety of games and traditions we engage in. One is called "the interview" in which you are privately asked answers to a series of questions about yourself, which are then read aloud later in front of the group (there will be 24 of us in all), and everyone tries to guess WHO it is. My cousin Bobbie is The Keeper of The Questions, meaning she composes them and keeps our answers in a special individual folder, so we can look back on years past.

The silly questions vary from year to year, but the FINAL question is always the same: "The Year is almost over . . . what I want to remember most is _______".

Last year Dr. J answered "Seeing my wife smile again." I know only half the people understood what he meant, but it did then and still makes me cry to think about it -- it was that touching of a moment.

This year I already know what my answer will be.

But thinking about "the Thanksgiving Interview" got me thinking about the spirit of Thankgiving in general. We should all pause today and give thanks for things, both big and small, that make a difference in our lives. So here is my list of things I am thankful for:

*All of the wonderful folks who make up the U.S. Military, as well as anyone who has EVER served. Without them, WE are nothing, and neither is anyting we cherish.
* The families of the above mentioned heroes. Thank YOU, for your important part, too.
* Father Mike, for helping me. Even if it will always hurt.
* All of my hilarious and divine second cousins . . . we partied Wednesday night for Zanne's birthday, and we will party tomorrow like the Pilgrims & Indians. I love yinz -- you open my heart to the holidays once again (which I thought no one could).
* My lovely, sweet, and increasingly blunt Lori. Please use the word "obnoxious" more often -- it totally cracked me up to hear you speak like that!!!
* My longtime partner in barely legal pursuits, My Hamster, and the best zany person I know . . . MY Lisa.
* Arlene & Joey . . . I can't put into words what you have done for us, simply by caring.
* Nicole . . . for using the phrase "that phucking cunt" like NOBODY else could! Damn, girl, I am glad you are on OUR side!!!
* HotMary . . . for teaching us all about self-value. And for the hickey story. Yeah, that was a classic moment. Oh, and Chinese food. And the importance of a man sending you flowers.
* Food Venues I covet: Franktuary, Dozen, Chan's, Amici's, Clarke's, Rubio's, Mahajarajajajaja (or however the hell it's spelled). Each of you has had a dee-lish impact on my life in the past year. And Renzo's, don't you think I have forgotten about you, hon -- you're on my "to do" list for late-December, sweetie!
* For November's $43 electric bill, $22 gas bill, a heated mattress pad, and my fluffy bathrobe. Gawd, I am goooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!
* My Boss . . . for believing in me, and sticking by me, even when things aren't perfect. Gawd, what a difference from "High School".
* Dr. J . . . for your endless reassurance. It helps. More than mere words could ever articulate. Its' effect is too profound and far-reaching for me to ever admit.
* For our DTC. Each day, no matter how good or how bad, is one day closer.
* And for the stupid t.v shows that make Dr. J and I laugh. A special "Shout Out" should probably go to VH1 for the "40 Most Softsational Soft Rock Songs," "Best Week Ever," and "Talk Soup."

Now go gobble gobble, dammit.

People I'd Like To Strangle

The bookkeeper at my office is such a pain in my ass. I have tried everything to make this old bag happy, and nothing works! I have turned in my expense reports extra early, told her to take as long as she needs to cut the checks, have been painfully nice, have made small talk about topics that she enjoys (Rush Limbaugh, her granddaughters), stayed out of her way, yadda, yadda. And she still hates me.

I know she liked my predecessor a great deal. Look lady, he was FIRED months before I came on board. I had nothing to do with it. I know you resent the boss because of it. I know you resent me though I have nothing to do with it. But Gawd Almighty, I do good work, am unfailingly polite, and was selected from among 142 other applicants for this job -- WTF more do you want?!

PLEASE RETIRE YE OLDE WINDBAG!!! (My boss has asked me to hang on for a time period of not more than 6 months, during which time he thinks he will have a proper "exit plan" for her).

This gave me an idea for a "To Be Strangled" list (like a "to do" list):

• The office bookkeeper
• The nasty woman I spoke to at my local Water & Sewer Authority this morning
• My In-Laws, at present
  
• My old boss at "High School" (my code name for prior employer)
• A handful of local elected officials
• "Grapes" from "High School"
• The limo company from my wedding (still can't discuss)
• A handful of national elected officials
  

Oi Vey. I wish my office was like that of a soap opera, and I could pour myself a stiff drink right now.

***Disclaimer -- I would never physically harm someone first. It would only be in self-defense. Thus, all of this is a JOKE!!! ***

National Adoption Day

Saturday was National Adoption Day. I wish I had known about it ahead of time, so we could have done something more active to celebrate or mark the important occasion.

Here is some local press coverage, as well as link to additional information on the history of it.

It gets me so friggin' mad sometimes when people hear that we are adopting and immediately jump to "Well have you tried this _____?" (fill in the blank yourself, 'cause trust me, WE have heard EVERY suggestion under the Sun -- some so ignorant it would make a Buddhist monk lose their temper!)

It astounds folks to learn that "NO, we haven't tried ____" and we are NOT interested in trying "______". Really. It's the truth! We feel called to adopt, and have all along.

I recently had someone say to me "I'm sorry you have to go this route to become a parent." WTF?! I am sorry that we have had so much tears and grief and physical pain, but I am PROUD AS PHUCKING HELL that we are adopting -- that we are doing something moral and good and right . . . something that will be worth "all the tea in China," as they say. I am proud that we are trailblazers amongst our family and friends. I am even proud that people will be uncomfortable as we laugh and giggle in the park someday, as a transracial family ('cause there IS more to come, folks -- hullo, Brangelina!)

I wish people could get it out of their heads that adoption is somehow "second best," or a backup plan. It's so not. We always planned on adopting, and talked about it long before we ever began trying to expand our family (another thing that sets me off, the whole "when you have a family of your own someday" dismissive throwaway line -- PHUCK YOU assholes of the world, WE ARE ALREADY A FAMILY -- just one without living children at present!!!)

The only reason we pursued "trying" the old-fashioned way is because it's cheaper and lacks the whole judgmental quality of pursuing an adoption. THAT IS IT!!! I find it so amazingly selfish that people express a desire to have a biological child because they want said Fantasy Child to have their "wife's eyes" or their "husband's math skills" or whatever other dreamland bullshit they toss around. Even further nerve-grating is when these jerks are often the very same people who claim to be part of the "Go Green" movement, are anti-war at all costs, believe in a One World global vision, and chide Dr. J and I for having politically conservative views. You'd think these would be the very people who EMBRACE adoption, for a variety of obvious reasons. But nope, there they go, taking pity on us for adopting, insulting us purposefully and unconsciously, and failing to "walk the walk." Drives us insane, I tell you. I know, I am hardly known for holding back . . . but believe me when I tell you just how much I hafta hold back when someone makes yet another stupid remark.

So Viva National Adoption Day! Can't wait to be a part of it!!!

And to those of you who have been amazingly supportive of "Plan A" from the start . . . THANK YOU! You will rewarded, though not as much we ;o)

PostSecret vs. Found -- There goes the Neighborhood 2007

We did something very unique on my first day back from The Big Vegas Trip (by the way, I slept for 12 straight hours as soon as I got home from the airport -- a REAL rarity for me, guess I was plumb tuckered out?!). Anyhoo, I had bought tickets for Dr. J and I to attend the "Post Secret vs. Found" event that was coming to our 'tahn, which I was sooooo excited about!

PostSecret is such a guilty pleasure . . . it provides that psychological voyeur window into other people's minds that so intrigues me. Sometimes the secrets are LOL funny, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes insightful, sometimes silly, and often inspiring. I have found myself continually connecting to people that I have never met, yet feel like I know all too well.

It was a thrill to meet the PostSecret founder/curator, Mr. Frank Warren on Saturday night, as he shared never before revealed secrets with those of us who crowded into a room to hear him speak. I actually found "PostSecret" by way of "Found," another ultra-cool site on the web. The "Found" boys were also there to add their own contribution to the event, which was also highly entertaining, and a perfect compliment to PostSecret. Well done, and well worth the money :o)

Viva Las Vegas -- Recap

Yeah, yeah, I know -- I usually do daily entries when I have a big trip (esp. when it has an element of "fun" involved, as I was counting on this one to have).

I got busy, so it didn't happen. Forgive me.

So I will try my best to give a proper summary of Thee Vegas Trip . . .

Wednesday:

Probably my busiest days in terms of meetings. Saw some interesting presentations by my colleagues from other states, who fight the same legislative battles as I. I tried to write down key buzz phrases, so I can use them in my region, too. Had lunch with my pal Ryan, where we shared a few giggles over our mutual desire to ALWAYS go on the out of town trips, whenever possible! Later on in the day there was a big ass conference session in which we saw these televised commercials and documentaries about our industry and the folks who won national awards for their good deeds -- I must say, I was impressed by the quality of the video presentations, as well as inspired by the folks who were honored. Wow. It made me proud to work for and with these people. Bill Cosby was brought in as the big speaker. I like Bill Cosby, totally repsect his life's work and all that . . . but he's not quite my ultimate cup of tea. I was getting fidgety (what a shock -- NOT), so I skipped out a few minutes early to beat the crowd as they exited.

I made my way back to the hotel, grateful that my official "work day" had come to an end. I enjoyed a tasty meal, then decided to retire back to my room. It felt soooo good to slip out of my big girl suit, kick off my shoes, and eventually stretch out on the bed. But I still failed to get much sleep that night. Keyed up, I guess?!

Thursday:

My schedule did not require me to be anywhere until noon on Thursday. So I lounged in bed for most of the morning. Just kinda indulged myself with some relaxing "me time". Mmmmm. My relaxing morning was even capped off by an act of culinary pleasure . . . a big, sweet, sticky Belgian Waffle, complete with the syrup, strawberries, and a heaping mound of whipped cream. Did I already say "Mmmmmm"?!?! It bears much repeating. It was a perfect culmination of longing met with tasty bliss.

After popping over to the convention for a luncheon, I then moseyed about the shops at the Venetian, the highlight of which was playing dress up with the Mikimoto black pearl pendant necklace . Meow. I quickly texted the girls to mark the moment.

After struggling through the afternoon sessions (how I could not be distracted at this point?), I made my way back to the hotel to get changed for a night on the town. One of my midwest-based colleagues had been the recipient of a handful of surplus show tickets (courtesy of one of his BoD members who had purchased too many), and I was to be the very lucky recipient of one of them! Cue the squeals!!! First we all went to dinner at the Eiffel Tower Restaurant (I decided that so long as the restaurant was IN the good ol' U.S.A., I wasn't breaking my ban on all things French). Dinner was dee-lish! Really, it was. After dinner we hurried over to the Bellagio to see . . . CIRQUE DU SOLEIL!!! Yep, I was gonna see "O"! I don't know what the "O" stands for, but it should be for OMG! Wow, I was blown away. It was so amazing. I was dressed up, watching a world-class show . . . the whole thing was like a giant surreal moment, nearly indescribable. I was sad for the evening to end, since everything had been so exciting and unique.

Friday:

Another morning in which I had the good fortune of lingering in bed a bit. The only thing which lured me out of bed was that I was determined to treat myself to a few Krispy Kremes for breakfast, which seemed like the perfect punctuation to mark the end of a trip to "Sin City." I hadn't had a Krispy Kreme in soooo long . . . I wanted to savor every exquisite and satisying bite. Mmmmm! (Again). All in all, it was a good trip. Perfect balance of work and play. Too bad reality will smack me in the face when I get back to the office on Monday.

Viva Las Vegas - Part One

So at Adrian and Kirsten's jealous urging, I agreed to a "drunk posting." Only problem is that I am NOT drunk (really, I am not). It's been awhile since I had a free drink (I am cute and have a curvy figure, which = I do NOT pay for my own drinks, thank you very much). But I don't want to let my "Charlie's Angels" crew down, so I will try to recreate what swirled through my head during the days events in/and en route to Vegas:

• Soduku -- phuck, I can't even spell this. Nonetheless, I spotted an otherwise attractive & straight man on the plane doing one of these puzzles. Ick, ew, WTF?! Sorry, but if you are doing Soduku [sp?] puzzles, YOU ARE GAY. And not in the good, it's okay kind of way either. I am also suspicious of men who do the crossword puzzle. It's just not natural. If you are a man who does the Jumble -- please move to Canada. Immediately.
• People with Kids -- WHY the phuck are you in Vegas?! Honestly, there is NO reason to be pushing a stroller through a casino. Not one.
• Colleagues -- I loathe the person at the state level who has my job. Pain in the ass. And they are staying at my hotel. Oi vey. If they ask me where I am staying I am going to lie and say somewhere else. I already did so once tonight, to a male colleague (see him maybe 3 times a year) who annoys me, just to throw them off the trail. I told them both "Harrah's," which is where my boss is staying. If they find out later I am actually NOT at that hotel, I figure I can play it off by saying I thought they were inquiring where my boss was staying.
• Being Low-Rent -- a D.C.-based colleague whom I respect told me where she is staying (same hotel as I) and is pissed about it. I guess she does not approve of our accomodations. I think they are fine. But since said colleague is about 150 pounds overweight and probably hasn't been laid in the past two decades I am left questioning her opinion -- maybe obese people bitch about things that goodlooking people shrug off?! I don't know, but the bitchy thought occurred to me. I don't feel remotely guilty for this thought . . . after all, I earned the right to think and articulate these thoughts, and will keep right on doing it. I am tough on fat people. But I have the necessary "Street Creds" that allow me to do so, so kiss my ass, por favor. My point is that our accomodations are fine. Remember, I have stayed at Thee Scariest Hotel in Thee World (location: KENTUCKY), so I guess I am now doubly street creded?!
• Booze Factor -- listen, there is going to be a lot of this going on. I must have lost some of my ability "to hang" as of late . . . a glass & 1/2 and I was buzzed tonight, yikes! Eh, so what?! I am the world's happiest, most fun drunk, so pppfffftttt!

Well Angels, that's all for now. Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Veterans Day!

Just a shout out to all the Vets, living and at rest . . . and a big ol' thanks :o)

Taking the Edge Off

Baseball bats, plastic forks, voodoo dolls. All of these are things I have spent time this week thinking about, in conjunction with causing serious bodily injury to those around me. Please trust me, this was all work-related, and they all deserved it. Really.

While not negating the validity of my feelings, clearly, I needed to chill out.

So I played hooky a bit on Friday afternoon and went home to attend to matters (namely, my pending WiFi hookup). It's half-done, but hey, it's progress. Being out of the office, and thereby unaccountable to all for a few hours, also happened to give me the opportunity to improve my mood before company came to my house later that evening.

And that helped set me up for my much needed Saturday. It was "ME DAY." I started off with the massage that I have been begging for, and then it was off to see Melissa for my pre-Vegas manicure and pedicure appointments. Ahhhhhh. I capped off ME DAY by downloading a bunch of new songs to my Ipod, to make the plane ride more pleasurable

NOW . . . I am ready for next week. It will be busy, it will be crazy, there will be work, but I always manage to find slivers of fun, no matter what the circumstances.

As I think ahead to what awaits me in Vegas, I can't help but invoke the words of my fave guy cousin, Dave . . . "C'mon Benny, we ain't building railroads, here!"

Pride . . . and Prayers

It's Election Day. My shoulders and neck are one giant knot. All I want is a glass of wine, a lengthy deep-tissue massage, and to have one moment of tranquility. Actually, make that a bottle of wine.

Two quick items before I retire for two hours of television-viewing ("The Unit" and "Cane" -- meow to all the men) . . .

1. HAMSTER -- I am so very proud of you, and your grit. Can't wait to hear all of the details about your day, and the those to come
2. DADDY -- My Dad is having very major surgery tomorrow. It will change a lot of things in our family afterwards. Despite all of the crap he and the stepmonster have put us through over the past few years . . . I still need him. He's a terrific Dad, and I am lucky to have had him as long as I have.

So I will be doing a lot of praying tonight. And respecting my Dad's wishes by NOT hanging out at the hospital. But my heart will be there, just the same.

Chili, Champagne . . . and Cupcakes?!?!

It was time for the Triennial Chili and Champagne Event!

"Hamster" and "Da Weeter" sent us an invitation for our cozy dinner party, which got its start as some ridiculous excuse to eat Da Weeter's chili, and for Hamster and I to down some bubbly.

And it's kinda taken off from there.

This year I texted Hamster "what should I bring?" She texted back "Bring your sombreros and surveillance sidedish."

Now, "Surveillance" is a looonnnng story, for another time. I doubt other people find it as funny as Hamster and I do, but who gives a shit?! It's one of our "Dangerously Legal" practices that goes back to when I got my first car and used to haul our asses all over the place in my oh-so-red Chevy Cavalier.

Back to Hamster's text, though. So she throws in the word "sombreros" . . . hmmm. I quickly texted Lori, Sandi, and my Mom in search of a sombrero, just to be a smart ass. Which prompted my Mom to ask the Spanish teacher at the high school where she works if she had a sombrero on hand? YES, she had two! And threw in a couple of those Mexican blanket-ponchos and some maracas, too. SWEEEEET! (Or as Dr. J would say "Saaaammmmm!")

I already had a rather full day planned . . . began with a pre-op chat with my Dad over coffee at Crazy Mocha, then Dr. J & I went to Oakland to attend a lecture by author Jeff Gammage (but first we visited The O for a super-quick lunch), then off to Squirrel Hill for a slice at Mineo's, (see Dr. J, I said "SLICE" and didn't call it a "CUT" -- though I did say "cuts" when I ordered, you just didn't notice!!!)

And FINALLY, we had the procurement of Thee Cupcakes from Dozen (I could wait no longer, the urge was taking over my life to lick the frosting off one of those puppies!) I was thrilled to have an excuse to pick up cupcakes, and that we were only a few miles away for the lecture, well . . . it seemed to me that the stars had aligned for the perfect "C" compliment to the "Chili and Champagne" triennial event!

I promised Hamster that "these are like the best sex of your life. Really." The look on her face later told me I had not oversold them, hee hee!

I thought The Hamster was going to piss her pants when we gringos appeared at her door, clad in sombreros (granted, Dr. J was mortified by my latest insistence that he get into the spirit of the event -- but hey, Hamster LOVED it, which was all I cared about).

The boys wolfed down their chili, so they could then retire downstairs and grunt as they watched the hockey game. Whatever. It gave Hamster and I some much-needed girl time. WHICH WE NEED MUCH MORE OF (hint, hint). Seriously, she is such a light in my life . . . she makes dumb shit ridiculously fun. I swear Hamster is one of those people who truly could make watching paint dry seem fun. She's just that bust-up funny. Best of all is her "faux serious face," I think.

Everyone thinks I am the troublemaker (okay, so maybe I am) -- but I couldn't do it all these years without such a willing partner, who pushes me to the "dangerously legal" limits that she does. We've never crossed the lines of what is legal, but gawd we have certainly edged close to it! (I will freely admit having danced right over the lines of good taste on countless occasions, though).

Our friendship has survived so many changes, and has even surprised me in how it has actually thrived throughout it, especially over the past couple of years. I could not have made it without My Hamster (I am nothing if not possessive). I have felt so hopeless and helpless and downright crazy at times, and I am often convinced that I am of no help to ANYBODY. And yet, here is this amazing, capable, focused, brilliant chickie reaching out, asking me to help her?! Gawd, it makes me feel like a million bucks to be able to do for others, especially her.

Mucho Gracias, Senora! Now pass me a damn cupcake, and stop hogging the Chandon.