I Guess I Gotta Do My List

I strongly considered not doing my annual Year in Review List for my blog. It's just been such a rough year, that I have been feeling like, why the hell should I bother? But I looked back over what I had written in previous years, and thought I'd give in to tradition and try to come up with something to record, at least for tradition's sake (which I am big on). So here goes . . . .

WHAT WAS GOOD:

1. Getting to know Kirsten, even if it's only through e-mail. What a hilarious treasure she is (and has provided endless fantasy moments for Dr. J). And she has given me some small sliver of hope.
2. Apple-picking in Wooster, Ohio.
3. A wonderful, much-needed visit by my Father-in-Law.
4. Finding a new job. Free At Last, Free At Last!!! Shove it, Guido!
5. Maintaining a full year of NO credit-card debt for Dr. J & I.
6. Distractions . . . sometimes you just have to have them!
7. Adrian/ManHands -- always keeps me amused with her wacky adventures.
8. Dear, dear, dear friends, like Hamster & Lori -- girls, you sustain me over & over & over again. And dear, dear, dear neighbors, like RKB, and Diane & "Marty."
9. Dr. J getting his ass in gear, recognizing that "It's Time."
10. Mom & Lou are reunited and it feels so good.


WHAT WAS BAD:

1. My close friend went back to a man who is an abusive husband & father, and told me I was a "horrible person" for "not supporting her choices." Yeah, as if. Sorry, I ain't playin', hon. When you're ready, call me and I will help you, again. MY word is good.
2. The insane crap Dr. J has had to deal with in pursuit of office space. Unbelievable.
3. Having to eat so much shit at my former job -- see ya, High School!
4. Feeling compelled to lie about our Christmas plans.
5. Rosie O'Donnell being allowed back on the air. GO DONALD!!!
6. The 24th of every month.
7. No more E.D. Hill on Fox & Friends each weekday morning. Miss her!
8. Having to give up an accrued 6 weeks of sick time I had at High School.
9. The mid-term elections.
10. Losing Casey.



WHAT I LEARNED:

1. Women can make some VERY stupid choices. Continually.
2. Bubble baths are very important. Thank you, HotMary, for reminding me of that!
3. An HSG test frickin' hurts -- I am a super-tough cookie, and whew, I still shudder at the memory. Sign me up for military boot camp -- it has to be easier.
4. That I am seriously doubting this ol' "There is a Plan" B.S. Please. Spare me.
5. People say the most insensitive things. Just shut up. Say you're sorry, and offer to cry with me. If you can't manage that, then refer to the advice on shutting up.
6. Life continues to be very rough since moving back to PA.
7. John Kerry IS as big of an elitist ass as we've suspected all along.
8. People STILL don't get how serious national security is.
9. Welfare queens, the unemployed, drug addicts, smokers, minority women, and chicks who are bad with money are thee most fertile bunch of bitches on the plant.
10. Nothing makes much sense to me anymore. Confusion can reign supreme.

On the Eve of Christmas

In a few hours Dr. J and I will leave for our special, much-needed, Christmas getaway. We are looking forward to spending the night in luxurious accomodations, playing in the snow, and forgetting life's troubles . . . for a while. I know he is going to be so excited when he opens his Christmas gift, too!

However, I can't let the Christmas season pass without offering a few random observations about what I've seen, heard, and experienced lately:

* Why do people wait until the last-minute to shop? I have never understood this. Do a little along the way, and you will avoid the stress of the final shopping weekend before Chirstmas, folks!

* The Sportman's Outlet is a totally cool place to kill time! We went there yesterday in search of ski pants (mine seem to have disappeared, which is not surprising considering the enormous number of times I have moved in my life), and had a blast checking out all of the cool hunting and fishing stuff they have to offer -- WOW! Who knew?!

* Glitter cards should be outlawed. Let me offer a short, holiday anecdote, which happens to be entirely true . . . . Last week I came home to a stack of newly arrived Christmas cards. Being pressed for time, but wanting to open them, I took a letter opener and the stack of envelopes into the bathroom with me, and proceeded to open them while sitting on The Throne (oh, save your horror, my faithful readers -- you have all done this, I just am willing to admit it). Anyhoo, I have never been a fan of cards with glitter on them, as some miniscule piece of glitter invariably winds up on my face and I can never seem to get rid of it -- it just follows me everywhere. So when I open one card in particular, and find that the entire front of the card is covered in glitter, I am already nervous. As is usually the case with glittery cards, the glitter becomes slightly dislodged during transit, and thus as I open the card a cascade of glitter falls off of the card, and straight into my lap. My bare, naked, exposed lap. Sigh. This is not gonna be good -- because the night before I had done some, uh, major grooming. And when I stood up, well, I now have a sparkly va-jay-jay. Nice. And I am cursing like a sailor as I try to carefully wipe away all of the glitter, so it doesn't get wiped up inside me, 'cause I can just imagine having to explain THIS to my gynecologist, should an infection result! So GREAT -- jut because someone out there LOVES glitter cards, I got the Christmas treat of a porn star va-jay-jay, thanks to the glitterati!!! Yeah, Merry FRICKIN' Christmas.

This stuff ONLY happens to me, I swear. It's good to know that I can make people laugh, though, with my openness about the bizarre and strange shit that happens in my life.

*** [NOTE: Hamster, I am NOT referring to your Christmas card, which did have a small amount of glitter -- trust me, the card that caused the trouble was NOT yours, babe!] ***

What a Difference a Week Makes

Survived my first full week at my new job. Though considering I was out of the office at a conference for 4 out of 5 days, it was kind of a surreal first week . . . nothing like being thrown into the deep end of the swimming pool, eh?!

There are moments when I am so excited about what lays ahead of me, and I am so happy to have landed this rather plum gig (especially considering some of the folks I beat out for it)! And then there are moments in which I am absolutely overwhlemed, and wondering what the heck am I doing?

Thank goodness Dr. J remembers the person I used to be, and reminds me that I once had the necessary confidence, and magic, required to do this type of profession successfully. And he has let me know that I will get it back, and recognize myself when that happens.

And his confidence feels good to me. Real good.

Goodbye High School

Friday was my last day at my old job, which I have come to refer to by its code name of "High School." It's aptly named, because of the gossip factor, cliques, people, and behaviors that were eerily similar of high school -- and I will admit that even I was not immune!

One of the strangest and yet heartening things to have happened during my last few days involved the e-mail note I sent out to my contacts informing them I was leaving, my new contact info, yadda, yadda. I must have received close to 75 replies from these folks (all outside of High School), thanking me for all of my help, telling me how professional I was, how much they enjoyed working with me, and so on. I wanted to print them out and tape them all over that jerk "Guido's" office, just to show him how wrong he was about me.

Even though I am thrilled to have escaped from the miserable clutches of one hypocritical, juvenile, complete jerk boss -- Guido -- (I had three in all, but only one was a problem), it was still hard to leave. Partly because I had been beaten down emotionally and had lots of self-doubt about my abilities, I am quite nervous about the huge, big, important repsonsibilities I will be taking on at my new job. And of course, I am leaving behind the daily interaction I had with some dear friends. So there were tears on Friday, and some internal second-guessing, but I know that I have to move forward -- for many, many reasons . . . some professional, but even more personal.

So tomorrow I will turn the page, and begin a new chapter. A fresh start . . . a clean slate.

We Have a Winner

Finally, finally, I have found a replacement.

Ever since Casual Corner went out of business, I have miserably been auditioning all sorts of candidates to replace my former favorite line of pantyhose. I loved Casual Corner's hosiery, because it took a lot to rip or snag them -- and despite this, they didn't feel thick or look geriatric.

After suffering for several months, and a great deal of research (including over the internet), we have a winner . . .

VICTORIA'S SECRET LOW-RISE!

Ahhhh . . . not only do they look spectacular, but they feel like silk.

And they feel absolutely divine. Really.

Thanksgiving Day

Today seems like the most appropriate day of the whole year to take a moment to give thanks for the blessings in my life. So here is a list of what I am thankful for:

• Being married to the kindest, funniest, and most supportive husband that could possibly exist in this world.
• My friend Lisa, who in addition to making me laugh so hard it hurts, was truly "there for me" over the summer as I grieved the most painful loss of my life. She'll never know what a lifeline she was for me.
• That my Mom and Stepfather are "Reunited and It Feels So Good," as the song goes. Though their lives are incredibly hectic, they genuinely seem happy, and this relieves me and Dr. J of a lot of previous care-taking time and energy that had been devoted to helping my Mom adjust to their painful 3-year separation.
• Sandi, my cousin, for all of her wise counsel and tremendous understanding. I am not sure when I stopped being the "Big Sister" in our relationship, but she has certainly taken on the role, and helped convinced me that I am not crazy.
• Having the best military in the world. And the smartest, too.
• For our terrific neighbor and handy neighborhood lawyer, RKB!
• Dr. J's lips -- I could kiss them forever and still never be done with them.
• Vince Flynn's brilliant novels.
• My two favorite e-mail buddies, "ManHands" and "MILF the MilkMaid" out in Kal-ee-forn-yah, who make each day go much faster.
• The complete faith I have in Dr. J opening his new practice.

My Big Fat New Job

Yes, I did it -- and in one week's time I will be FREE from "High School" (what I call my current place of employment) and the clutches my evil boss, "Guido."

I have landed a dream job -- at least a dream job for ME, anyway. Of course, my ultimate dream job is Chief of Staff to the Vice-President of the United States. Why not the Top Dog himself? Eh, too much pressure, too many hassles and long nights. The Vice-President gets to do more fun and less pressure-filled things, like fly to Turkey for a funeral, go on a listening tour in Asia, yadda, yadda. Yeah, definitely more fun and varied, but still important and exciting and full of power-exerting moments.

But anyway, back to my new employment. It feels so good to know that I landed this gig from over 140 applicants! It's like being crowned Miss America, only without the whole evening gown competition (though I do look fabulous in an evening gown!). I am so excited to have finally found an opportunity to reclaim so much of the awesome job I had back in Kal-ee-forn-yah, which I loved!!!

Everyone keeps telling me how proud they are of me. And you know what? I am proud of me, too.

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together

I've hemmed, I've hawed (can one haw?), and gone back and forth on whether to fork over the dough to have my Christmas Dream realized. But I finally took the leap.

We are going to wake up Christmas morning at Nemacolin!

Yep, run that bubble bath, pour the champagne, and plop those chocolate-covered strawberries on a silver platter next to the tub. Mmmmm!!! (Cue the porn music?!)

And if I had any lingering doubts, they were put to rest when karma kicked in -- I had noticed that two spots on their web site quoted different prices for the room I wanted. I figured that one was a mistake, and that they had forgotten to increase the cost in accordance with the Christmas holiday. But I was gonna work that to my advantage!

When I called to make the reservation I was quoted the more expensive room rate. Hmmmm. When I pointed out that I was looking at their web site simultaneously, and it showed the lower, non-holiday room rate, I was put on hold for a few minutes. When the lady came back on, she told me that Nemacolin would honor the lower rate on their web site. YIPPEE!!! (And good business practice by them -- cause this Trophy Wife would have raised hell had I not prevailed!)

Now it's a day later. A few minutes ago I checked the Nemacolin web site. Yesterday it said $260 per night (plus taxes). Today, it's $415.

Ah, I love a good deal! Karma, baby ;o)

Uh, We Have a Timeline, People!

So things has been moving along nicely with Dr. J's plan to open his own practice. The business plan came together, he met with the bank -- and got a loan from the first bank he met with! Woo-hoo!

In the meantime, he's been busy trying to find a place in which to house his new office. I can't believe what friggin' ordeal this has been! The first place he liked, which had a good location and a great layout, started majorly pissing him off because they sent our commercial realtor a 17-page lease, full of clauses and language that annoyed our lawyer (whom we trust and adore). When Dr. J tried to work out some of the issues with the building's management company, they acted like major asses, and were downright rude in some of their e-mail replies.

Thus, Dr. J began looking at other spaces, and found one he liked even better, nearby. This place only had a 6-page lease, and our lawyer was happy! So things we're moving along, right?! Sorta. The building owner (an eye doctor) has not been, uh, keeping pace with our timeline. Our realtor understands how important it is to have the buildout completed quickly and the lease signed, because so much depends upon those two factors . . . until those are resolved, Dr. J can't order equipment (which will take 3 weeks delivery), can't order stationary or business cards (need an address!), and can't plan his grand opening. In the meantime, he has begun to have a web site built for his new practice. That does not come cheap! And he will have to use part of his loan money to pay for it . . . and as soon as he dips into the loan funds, the clock starts ticking on repayment. But without having an office ready and open for business, there are no patients to see, no insurance companies to bill, no copayments to collect, yadda, yadda.

Last night the building owner finally got back with the cost of the buildout, which seemed on the high side. And again, he does not seem to fully graps the urgency of getting his ass in gear. THUS, my cousin Buzz (who works in and is knowledgeable about construction matters) was able to arrange for his colleague to come over and check out the office and give a second opinion. However, Dr. J has patients to see this afternoon (gotta keep up the facade at his current place of employment) . . . therefore, I will be meeting with contractor and the realtor later today.

So why do scenes from the movie The Money Pit keep flashing through my brain? I am not worried about the money, so much as hearing some dude named Curly uttering the phrase"TWO WEEKS!"

In Case There Was Any Doubt

John Kerry is an elitist, commie-lovin', blame-America ass.

This latest statement, which is so incredibly insulting to every man or woman who has ever served, is only further proof, and the latest in a series of ignorant remarks he's made which are highly revealing of the attitudes he possesses. So spare me on the "botched joke" bullshit. It wasn't. It was the truth revealed in his heart and mind.

I am fully prepared to provide evidence to support my contention, as well as the research demonstrating how educated and smart our military is, but then Michelle Malkin wrote a brilliant piece that saved me the trouble. Damn, smart AND gorgeous -- she's definitely one of my idols, and if my husband could snag her somehow (and Sweetheart, I genuinely you wish the best in this endeavour!), I would fully support him leaving me for her -- she's that amazing!

But back to the matter at hand -- John "Ghengis Khan" Kerry . . . dude, don't ever, EVER, think for one second that we will forget how you sung Kumbaya with people who called my father, a Marine Field Medic who was saving lives as the Viet Cong tried to kill him in the jungle, a "babykiller." And also, don't think that we will ever forgive your pals who spit (really!) on my father-in-law, an Air Force Captain and Flight Surgeon during Viet Nam.

Go back to your estate and ride your bike. Or windsurf.

I'm Dreaming of a Bubble Bath Christmas . . .

Dr. J and I are trying to decide what to do for the upcoming Christmas holiday. Normally, we'd spend Christmas Eve with my Dad's side of the family, go to Midnight Mass, sleep in on Christmas Day, and then Dr. J would cook Christmas dinner for my Mom's side of the family.

But we have decided, for many personal reasons, that we need to be by ourselves this Christmas and just focus on each other, instead of taking care of everyone else (okay, maybe that's me who is taking care of everyone else!)

Lately, my biggest "Blue Sky" moments have been coming courtesy of an extremely hot bubble bath. My dear friend, Hot Mary, turned me on to these body bars sold by a company called Lush. You simply put them in the tub as it's filling up, and it dissolves into the most amazing bath experience ever! Yes, I am essentially paying $6 to take a bath (that's how much one costs), but it is soooooo worth it. The Ma Bar smells absolutely divine . . . and it makes my skin feel like satin. Hot Mary is a fan of the Sex Bomb fizzy.

So when it came time to think about how, if it were up to me, I would want to celebrate Christmas, well . . . nothing would be more splendid than to be in a big, deluxe, whirlpool bathtub with Dr. J this Christmastime, as we sip champagne and toast one another. Mmmmmm!

Now we just have to decide where to go (and for me to agree to spend the money).

But you can bet that several Ma Bars will be in my suitcase, wherever we go.

Sure, This Qualifies as Sick Time!

I had to leave work at lunchtime today for an emergency manicure appointment. Really. Some of you may laugh, but as my trainer remarked last night at the gym, "Ohmigawd . . . I have never seen you with a broken nail before! WOW!"

By a pure stroke of luck, Melissa had an opening at noon today, so I hustled on over to her place, full of appreciation. One must always remember to butter up their manicurist -- especially one who does silk wraps, which I require -- I have heard Melissa speak with disdain about "standing clients" (that's someone like me, with a standing appt. every two weeks), who she has "had to kick out of the book." YIKES!

I have been with Melissa for 10 years now -- she' s an intergral part of My Team. I don't know what I'd do without her! She usually pours me a glass or two of wine while she sharpens my claws . . . so, it's like therapy, only with booze and the swapping of juicy sex stories!

Food, Wine, and Thou

Dr. J and I spent an AWESOME day together! Started off by sleeping in 'til 11 a.m. . . . then got dressed and went to the "Taste of Pittsburgh" at the Convention Center. YUM!!! Lots of goodies to sample, and we took home plenty of treats!

After some fun time spending money on a new pair of jeans (for me) and a roasting rack and meat thermometer (for him), we went Dahntahn for some fun.

We started off with a stop at the wine bar at the Renaissance Hotel (highly recommended for fellow wine snobs). Had a thoroughly wonderful and encouraging conversation with an oral surgeon and his wife who were visiting feom Philly. We all mutually ragged on Governor Cheesesteak, bitched about taxes, and compared malpractice insurance rates.

After getting a small buzz on, we toddled over to Six Penn Kitchen for dinner. Our server, Denise, took excellent care of us. Of course, we had more fun noting everyone who was checkin' us out (we LOVE people-watching). Dr. J and I always have a blast when we go out . . . we are just different enough to make it interesting, and yet have similarly wicked sense of humor, that we could make watching paint dry a hilarious time ;o)

Nobody has more fun than us!

Buh-Bye Ford Credit

Last night I did something I've been looking forward to for 5 years . . . I made the very last payment on my car. Yep, it's all mine now!!! I own it wholly and completely.

I was so proud when I first got the car. Sure, I'd had two cars before that, but both had been bought and paid for by Daddy. This one was all on me.

More than anything, I was so proud of myself for the negotiations that went into purchasing the car. It took hours, but I finally got them to sell me the car for $1,600 under dealer invoice, and financed it at 1.9%. Not bad for a carbuying newbie.

I have never regretted the purchase -- I love that car! She's held up well -- still looks good, has fabulous fuel economy, and has quite the zippy engine.

And she's not going anywhere . . . I plan on driving her another 5 years.