Dear Ol' Dad

I have been dreading my business trip next week. It's going to be uncomfortable at best, but painful is what I am expecting to really encounter. Not the workload, not the hours, but some of the people I will have to be in proximity to.

This fact, coupled with financial frustration, wanting to smack my mother and stepfather, stoo-pid inlaws ("outlaws"), and the slooooow tick-tock of the calendar have all been swirling in my never still brain, culminating in a level of anxiety that is frightening.

So as much as I was looking forward to meeting up with my Dad late this morning for coffee/tea, I was expecting the inevitable "relax, Babes, it'll all be okay" mantra out of him, which would probably wind me up even tighter.

But surprise of surprises, he did no such thing. Damn if he hasn't been changing a lot over the past year, finally recognizing that I am not am alarmist but truly struggling to not either (1) go insane or (2) throw in the proverbial towel completely.

I truly think that the last-ditch effort he had to undertake to get healthy has a profound effect on him. He listens to me so much more, I mean really listens, and offers actual constructive advice and support. He reminds me to trust my judgement and decisions. It's amazing. I used to hate to let Dad see any bits of weakness in me, 'cause he is so strong. But after the incredibly difficult past couple of years of self-destruction he put our family through (and remember, I was getting the simultaneous implosion of my mother, and now she & stepfather with their latest phuck-up a few days before Christmas), my Dad has begun to emerge as an altered person.

I felt a lot better after meeting with him today. He wasn't rushed, he wasn't distracted, he wanted to reassure me and my choices. And he shared with me a really important bit of observation/wisdom, which I know I will carry with me: "People always want to give you an easy or superficial fix to what is a complicated problem. They think THEY know better. They don't."