No Diggity

I am seriously enjoying the columns this chick writes. Damn, she'd be fun at a party! I feel like it's part-Carrie Bradshaw/part-sex ed teacher, with a dash of sass thrown in.

I need to send this to my girlfriends, so we can, uh, "talk amongst ourselves."

Is Your Sex Life Normal?

A few comments I am willing to share enough to have public . . .

• Length of average sexual encounter -- um, 3-10 minutes?! I know it's true, but I also know that I wouldn't put up with it. Uh-uh. And if YOU are putting up with it (beyond the occasional torrid quickie), then shame on you, 'cause you deserve your likely boring, uninspired sex life.
• Favorite sexual position -- I concur, men like it that way, and women like it the other. I recently read that men like it this way because it has something to do with seeing themselves, um, enter the playground. I asked Dr. J, and he nodded appreciatively, as if finally somebody understood a man's sexual proclivities, and said a slow "yes." And then guess what he wanted to do? LMAO!
• Number of Times a Week They Are Having Sex -- What a riot! People are NOT having that much sex, ROTFLMAO! Not unless they fall into one of the following categories: crack whore, porn star, Ron Jeremy, or on their 6th month of trying to conceive. Really, this is such a joke!!!
• Playing Around -- is it really that high? The sociology major in me wants to see the survey questions, to see what qualified as such. If it's true, eh, can't say I am surprised.
• Being a Better Lover -- (1) YES, WE WANT MORE EROTIC MASSAGES IN BED! Dammit, I can't tell you how frustrating this is for women! My Chickies and I feel like we ask, hint, beg, plead, suggest, yadda, for this all the time -- and you guys either ignore it, or downplay it. Men of the world, hear us loud: if you put the time in with a good, erotic massage, you will get laid better and more regularly! And one more thing, a 5 minute backrub is not enough -- put the minimum 15 minutes in, 'cause that's how long it takes us to transition. Light the candles, put on some jazz or sexy music, and pour us a drink . . . and then commence the massage . . . yes, we like the occasional "crazy, can't get enough, I need you bad" sexfest. But sometimes we need it the other way, too. And (2), girls, men love oral sex. No matter how much you think they like it, they probably like it twice as much more. Give a little to get a little.
• Phone and E-mail -- okay, yes, I have answered the phone, even texted, while in the sack. I wouldn't tolerate if Dr. J did it. Call me a hypocrite.

Damn the power of suggestion. Now I'm horny.