Is This Wrong?

I feel kinds skeevy about this . . . I have been addicted to working out to the Chri.s Br.own song "With You" lately. I love bopping along to it, eyes closed, on my treadmill. What makes me feel skeevy is that I downloaded the song after he beat the shit outta Rihan.na. Sigh. Damn you, Chris! BAD, BAD, BAD :o(

But ever since I saw Heidi Klum walk down the runway for the televised Vic.toria's Sec.ret show, blowing and wink at her husband S.eal in the audience, I have adored this song. Something about it reminds me of my own husband. Not the smacking-the-shit-outta-your-woman thing, of course, LOL. But the song is sweet, and there is this element of beating the odds and overcoming a bunch of crap that I find implied within the lyrics.

Maybe it's because Dr. J wouldn't laugh at my secret desire to be a VS runway girl, either, even though my dream job is to be Chief of Staff for a Republican President or Vice-President. He isn't threatened by my career success, my lack of a verbal filter, and can make it mentally mesh with my desire to be feminine and girly all at the same time.

And of course he fully supports my pretending to be a VS model, hee hee, by wearing their fashions.

Especially the bras. And especially lately (and if you know us in real life you know what I mean). Gawd, they are looking goooooood ;o)

Wha.t Not to Wea.r

Is it possible to watch this show (esp. several episodes in a row) and not feel like your own wardrobe SUCKS?!

Listen, I do NOT have excess money to spend on updating my wardrobe right now. I try my best to have a couple of work suits that flatter my body and look professional, a couple of flirty but professional dresses that can be worn for (work-related) cocktail parties as well as an evening out (LMAO) with my husband and/or friends. And a couple of tops that I can wear when running weekend errands with Lil Pumpkin that I am not too embarrassed to be seen in if (gawd forbid) I run into a high school ex-boyfriend or nemesis.

But watch this show and DAMN, I feel like fashion caca. I think I need to take $100 from our tax return and get thee ass to H&M and pick up a couple of mod tops to put under my work suits to jazz 'em up a bit, and a few blingy necklaces and earrings (now, GASP, if I could only remember to wear the blingy pieces when I fly out of the house to the office?!) I also am in DESPERATE need of a new pair of navy mules for my navy suit.

I think I need to just pick a date, tell Dr. J he is on Daddy Duty that afternoon, and drag either Lori or my own Mummy with me to force me to spend money on ME. Sigh.

I so depserately am trying to avoid that "Mommy Look" that happens to women. I want to be/stay a "Yummy Mummy." SIGH!

Bar.t Simpso.n Blackboard Moment

I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.

Oh, and if I were sent to the blackboard tomorrow? The message would be . . . "It's very difficult to get red wine stains out of little girl's pink jeans." Actually, I should make Dr. J write that one, as it was his wine, foolishly sitting on our IKE.A cocktail table, that Lil Pumpkin rode her new Big Whe.el into, which sent his wine glass flying. MumMa is smart enough to always stow her wine glass on the window sill. Or clutch it carefully in her hand ;o)

In Dr. J's semi-defense, I don't do too well with stains. I give it a feeble attempt, and then give up. I would rather just replace the item. There are few things I own that cost enough money to make me want to commit that kind of effort. In the case of Lil Pumpkin's ultra-pale pink jeans, they were bought at Target, by her Lahng Island grandmother. So I am out no money.

In other exciting news, I moved Lil Pumpkin DOWN a size in diapers. Her ass continues to swim in the size 4's, so I gulped and bought the 3's, and prayed the $32.04 investment at Sam's was not going to be one I regretted. They fit much better. She has gained close to 4 pounds over the past 5 months, and is 3 inches taller, too! However, she continues to have the same teeny booty as her Daddy (which, being as she is adopted, something we laugh about - the similarities she has to both of us, physically and in personality). Her little bum is super-pinchable, I have to refrain from doing it endlessly when she gets out of the tub!

I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.

'Cause if I have to use a baby wipe one more night (they have a tiny bit of aloe in them which is one of the same ingredients as eye makeup remover), I will rub my friggin' skin right off. Grrr.

Christmas Lovings and Longings

Okay, so this is the first year in quite a few that I don't dread Christmas. If you don't already know why, please feel free to check in on my other blog (which, I am thrilled to say, has well over 18,000 hits - WOW!)


Still, in spite of several shitty years of wishing I could fast forward from the day after Thanksgiving to sometime in January, there were always a few things I could count on as my Christmas Guilty Pleasures:

• The Vic.toria's Secre.t Fashion Show - it ALWAYS delivers! In my Fantasy Life, I am up there walking with them, blowing kisses, winking at the celebs in the crowd, and tossing my fabulous hair over my shoulder as I model dangerously sexy underwear.


• Christmas Crunch - mmmmm, a recipe passed to me by a guy from Nashville about a decade ago, it basically involves melting white chocolate overtop Ric.e Chex, Cheeri.os, peanuts, almonds, min-pretzels, and whatever else you feel like mixing in. Mmmm, white chocolate soooo smacks my lips of Christmastime!


• Shopping - okay, so I haven't had the money to do so, but I still enjoy the by-proxy feeling in the air while wandering the stores. The people-watching alone is worth the hassle to find a parking spot (of which I have terrific Parking Lot Karma!)


• Sending Out Christmas Cards - I do enjoy it, I admit it. I have trimmed my list back every year (I think we will probably only send about 90 this year, as I am pissed at the non-senders and late-senders). And this year I am not quite as much as living-in-fear at receiving photo cards, as you will see from this Other Blog Entry (okay, so maybe just a little bit, which will probably never go away). Please Jesus, nobody send me any glitter cards (embarrassing story), though I have learned my lesson, I swear!!!
• A Real Tree - want to like crazy, but CAN'T DEAL with thought of pine needles on my hardwood floors being possibly ingested by my Lil Pumpkin, nor can I handle the stress of her tipping it over and sappy water going everywhere. Hell, I am already dreading the constant chorus of "No, No, NO!" that will emit from my mouth as I try to keep her from yanking ornaments off of the artificial tree we will put up. I suspect it will look like something Cha.rlie Br.own would be ashamed of, as I can't possibly put up my favorite ornaments lest I chance an ER visit for a toddler who managed to swallow a sequin, glitter in her eyes, or some other bodily injury due to being poked by something too sharp for her inquisitive little hands. I never thought I'd be this stressed out by the thought of a Christma.s tree

Micro Meow (meee-yow!)

I have found somebody new. Somebody who warms my legs and loins like no other ever has.

Here's a picture of my new love.

I purposely keep my house quite cool because (A) gas heat is expensive, and (B) I start to have all sorts of allergy/stuffy nose issues if it's kept too warm. But I must admit that I can't keep it quite as cool as I did last year because I think the social worker would give me a hard time if my Lil' Pumpkin turned into Lil' Popsicle. In past years I had a heated mattress pad on my bed, but I am too paranoid about Lil' Pumpkin reaching for the cord that would have to be connected between it and the wall socket, so I was leery of bringing it out of storage, and certainly you can NOT put a heated mattress pad in a toddler's room, LOL!

Lil' Pumpkin SUCKS at keeping a blanket on her (what toddler does?!), and it has already taken me some coaxing to get her to wear footed pajamas (she was a big fan of having me rub her tummy as she fell asleep, skin on skin. I give an excellent tummy rub, so who can blame her!)

But I still worried that she was too cold at night, so I began investigating the possibility of (gasp!) flannel sheets on her mattress. I was raised by an anti-flannel sheet mother ("the pilling, egads!"), and live with an anti-flannel man (no metrosexual likes flannel, unless it's a sleep shirt resting precariously on the shoulder of a Vict.oria's Secre.t calatog model with a peek of pushup bra underneath).

But then I discovered micro-fleece sheets! I bought some for Lil' Pumpkin's bed, and the first night I laid her down to sleep on them . . . ooooooooh, baby! I DIDN'T WANT TO GET OUT OF HER BED, THEY FELT SO COZY AND WARM!!! The next day I ordered Dr. J to pick up a set for our big bed. Ahhhhhh, what a divine night that was!

And now, my by-chance discovery of these micro-fleece lounge pants?! HOLY PHUCK I AM IN NIRVANA, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!

Micro-fleece pants, micro-fleece sheets, and my big, fluffy white robe?! Oh girl, I am toasty!!!

Sucking Wind

So much has been going on in my life, and yet I am too stressed or busy or overwhelmed to speak of it.

Okay, so let me at least mark another reluctant weekend of home improvement progress . . . we managed the following:

• Bought more necessary crap for our pending trip to China (me, with help from my Mommy)
  
• Swept the basement (me)
  
• Swept the garage (Dr. J)
  
• Assembled the pressure-mounted baby gate (Me)
• Rust removal and repainting of porch railing (Dr. J, last week -- thank you!!!)
• Assembled the jogging stroller (joint effort)
• Assembled the regular stroller (me, last week)
• Ceiling fan with light mounted in baby's room (friend)
• Mounted the white wooden letters spelling baby's name on the wall above her bed (joint effort -- kee-rist what an ordeal, WHO KNEW?!?!)

Up next:

• Mounting of FOUR pressure-mounted baby gates (I really need to purchase this, I swear)
• More buying of necessary crap for trip
• Put foam bumpers on every conceivable sharp corner in living room, dining room, and baby's room
• Reorganize hall closet
• Rearrange linen closet, making room for baby's stuff and tub essentials
• Wash & soften up her sheets & pillowcases
• Steal lightweight suitcases from friends and family (USA weight limits on luggage are 55 pounds / China's are 44 pounds. Grrrr.)
• 6,413 other things that I keep re-remembering and re-forgetting. And reminding Mr. No-Short-Term-Memory (aka the lovely Dr. J) about them

Eh, at least we finally got our swimsuits for the trip. I can't believe I got a two-piece (top & bottom) AND a coverup skirt for the hotel, and managed to not have a self-loathing moment throughout it. WOW!

Miracles never cease, I guess.

Apple Bottom Booty?

We have a rather sassy receptionist at my office. She is in her early 60's (looks mid-40's), black, and a bit of a smart ass.

She and I both are fans of the Steve Harvey morning show (radio), and enjoy hip hop music.

For some reason (I don't know why), we were discussing the song "Lo" this afternoon. Most people know "Lo" by it's tag line of "Shawty had those Apple Bottom Jeans . . . . " It's a fun, catchy tune.

The receptionist has long bemoaned that she has a flat behind (puh-lease, I know plenty of women who'd love to trade). Well, in light of this song, out of nowhere she says to me "You have a sistah's bum. I have a white woman's bum." I cracked up.

She's right, though.

I told her this must be why black men love me (and I appreciate their appreciation, hee hee).

Gala Recap

Last night was the big shindig for my work. There were about 400 people there, all gussied up in (mainly) tuxedos and snazzy dresses. The theme was Mardi Gras, so some of the folks had rented costumes too. Our newly installed president wore his tux part of the time, and then at other times he was dressed as a king. He looked adorable, I have to say. His wife was dressed as a court jester.

I was excited to have an opportunity to wear a beautiful dress again, the one I refer to as "my Vegas dress" (because I wore it in Las Vegas when I went to see Cirque du Soleil's "O"). I never went to any of the Proms or Homecoming dances when I was in high school (sniff, sniff), so there is this little girl part of me that gets really excited about having an opportunity to go shopping for something special, and then slipping into it for a big night out. Though, I gotta admit, I was more than a little bit nervous having that dress on around my co-workers and Board of Directors, who are used to seeing me in only business suits and the occasional sundress.

Well, the dress was a hit! I received a lot of positive feedback, which was appreciated since I have been busting my ass at the gym in January (15 workouts in a 31-day month). Oh, and the new bra worked out prefectly with it (three cheers for clear straps!)

I should have had a photo of myself taken in the dress, but I am quite camera shy. So here's a photo of the dress I found online.

Take THIS, Bitches!!!

Put my wedding dress on when I got home from work today, and Dr. J grabbed the camera . . .




YEP, IT STILL FITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lookin' good, chickie ;o)

The Ultimate Xmas Special

It's tonight, it's tonight! I am SOOOOO excited . . . or at least I want to be. I have a big meeting to attend this evening, and it has a long-ass agenda, which means I have no friggin' clue what time I will get home. Sigh.

It's really important to me to be home, showered, in my sexiest jammies, and on the couch by 10:00 p.m. tonight. For some people, the holiday season is kicked off by the Charlie Brown specials, or watching "The Christmas Story" or even the "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation."

Not me.

The special I look forward to is . . . the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show! YES!!!! I get the preview on their Santa-inspired get-ups, find out what will be debuting in the stores soon, and get a glimpse at the fantasy-couture bras that we'll never see close up, but can dream about, hee hee!

I loved the preview commercials for this a few years ago, when the ads aired with the bells playing in the background, and the models would take turns whispering into the camera such come hither phrases as "Surprise Me," "Spoil Me," and my personal favorite, "Dazzle Me." MEOW!!!

So please, whatever higher power there may be, grant my wish to have me home tonight, freshly showered & appropriately clad, reclined on my couch with a glass of wine, enjoying the VS Fashion Show at 10:00 p.m. tonight.

PLEASE (blog-begging, here!)