Apparently The Thief Didn't See the Value

I got a phone call from my boss on Mother's Day . . . over the weekend our offices were broken into, and whoever did it kicked open every office door (our individual offices have doors on them), and riffled through stuff, but they didn't take any higher value items (like computers or digital/camera/etc equipment), nor did they steal any credit card receipts/checks. Some loose change on people's desks and in drawers were taken, though.

My boss said he wanted to prepare me because I might have to take some time on Monday to clean up items that were overturned, tossed, messed up, etc. Okay, I am IN my office and, uh, yeah, I can hardly tell a difference. Probably because it was such a mess to begin with, LOL!

There were a few file drawers opened, but I am too cheap to leave loose change laying around that I am sure I disappointed the thief(s). The one thing that has me sorta cracking up (but sorta sad) is what is still in my desk drawer that has been there for, oh, well over a year now and I have never remembered to throw out (or donate to another woman) . . . a set of digital OV kits. LMAO!!!!!!!! I had to keep 'em at work once upon a time cause of the time of day I was testing. I actually remember the day the last time I used them, and had gotten that "Smiley Face" on it, and how that sometime within the next 24 hours we conceived our lost angel, Gabrielle. It has always felt a little wrong to throw out that kit (yes the pee strip was pitched, LOL), since it was something that connected me to "that time, that place."

Let me be clear . . . I never, NEVER, never want to go through that again. I never want to try again. What I have NOW, is sooooo much better than any child I could ever imagine. And infinitely more beautiful.

Mother's Day was yesterday, and it's the first time ever I was able to be a Mummy to what those in my world call a RLB (real live baby). And it was wonderful. SHE is wonderful. Right down to the part in church yesterday when the priest started to go a bit long on his homily and she stood up, spread her arms wide, and exclaimed "ALL DONE", making several rows of parishoners laugh.

Hospital Scatter Thoughts

I can't believe it's been this long since I blogged HER. Guess I have been too busy with the other blog?! Oh, I have been just a teency-weency busy with other shit, LOL.


Okay, since we spent 2 days at the hospital with Lil Pumpkin, a series of observations I have made, recorded here:

• Thank God for kick-ass cardiac ICU nurses, who stand up to 4th year residents and advocate (demand?!) that your toddler be given more pain medicine, rather than "wait 30 minutes and see how she is doing."
• Um, WHEN did the nurses get so YOUNG?! Dr. J noted that as Lil Pumpkin was sleeping, her saw her nighttime cardiac ICU nurse (hot Jackie) updating her facebook page, LMAO!
• Why is the word "twitter" so sexually charged?!
• After weeks/months of doing everything possible to make sure Lil Pumpkin didn't contract a surgery-delaying cold/virus prior to her scheduled surgery . . . my famed germ/ick/dirt-OCD sorta melted away in the hospital! I guess I just "let go and let God". Maybe. Probably more like I figured it was out of my hands at this point.
• Speaking of hands, GAWD, the constant hand-scrubbing and hand-santizing measures in place while our daughter was in hospital turned my hands RAW!!!!!!!!! How nurses keep their hands from chapping to the point of being bloody, I have NO friggin' idea!
• It's still VERY humbling to be at a Children's Hospital, and know that 95% of the other parents you see would WISH for your child's health problem . . . sure, it was major surgery, but it was "fixable," with her surgical outcome being that of normal life expectancy, no long-term restrictions on activities or diets, and no longterm medications. Amazing.
• I was so glad my Dr. Father-In-Law was there for LP's surgery - his watchful eye and reassurance kept all of us (including my own parents) more calm and in control.
• And finally . . . I think it's only fair that if your toddler pukes M&.M's on you, M.&M's that her father gave her less than 36 hours after having open heart surgery . . . well, I think it's only fair that MUMMY get to sleep in the reclining sleeper chair in her hospital room all night, while Daddy is forced to sleep in the upright chair. Cheers!

So Far, So Good

So I have managed 2 evening, and 2 bedtimes alone, (that means sans Dr. J) thus far. He left Thursday afternoon on his business trip. Back on Sunday evening!

I have been extremely nervous about him being away . . . partly because I have doubts about my ability to successfully solo parent for that amount of time, and partly 'cause I am a GIANT 'fraidy cat when it comes to staying alone. (And thanks, Adrian, for "The Call Is Coming From Inside Your House!" quips. Little bitch! Kidding, I love you, and your giant mitts that could squash me).

Actually, I could have used ol' ManHands tonight when I was drawing a bath for Lil Pumpkin. As I was testing the water to see if it was the right temp, I spotted A GIANT SPIDER on the wall of the shower. GIANT. (okay, it really wasn't giant, but if it's 2 inches it might as well be a phucking foot). I whimpered, admittedly OUT LOUD, but killed the intruder. And then I whimpered some more, and hurried off a text to three people who I knew would understand.

Why am I so nervous about being sans co-parent for 3.5 days? 'Cause (1) I am not used to spending THAT amount of time alone with Lil Pumpkin. Seriously, I think the max I have spent with her solo uptil now is 5 hours - that's partly because "Adoption Attachment Protocol" (yes, I am self-coining that) dictates that you do as much together as a core family unit as possible; and (2) I am nervous because LP has had like SIX "good days" in a row. She's a friggin' toddler! This means that at any moment she could swing into "Crank Mode" and have a total meltdown. Consider that these past six wonderful days came after a week's worth of I-AM-TODDLER-AND-I-DAMN-WELL-WILL-DISREGARD-THE-RULES-AND-MELTDOWN episodes, which included Lil Pumpkin forgoing her typical 2 hour afternoon naps. [cue the shuddering]. I realize to that (3) the childcare schedule we have with/for LP means that we tend to be with her in 4 hour solo shifts, max.

Why am I so nervous being sans man for 3.5 days? 'Cause (1) I have already admitted I am a 'fraidy cat. A house with hardwood floors does not help matters (hullo creakiness!); (2) My mind LOVES to play tricks on me; (3) the security system does not fully alleviate my fears (the loaded shotgun does more, thank you!); (4) I live in fear of spontaneous electrical fires occuring in my home. Okay, I live in fear of fires and burns in general [I have a smoke detector in EVERY room of our house AND a CO2 detector on each floor]. (5) Bugs and spiders put out an A.P.B. when I am sans man, and love to freak the shit out of me! And (6) my cooking phucking sucks at this point. And my Saturday plans and half of Sunday FELL THROUGH (was gonna be at my Dad & Stepmother's house), so now I gotta figure out WHAT THE PHUCK we are going to eat for three meals therein?! (I can handle breakfast, and probably LP's lunch, though).

Desp.erate Housew.ife? Hardly. I just like having a man around.

Thus far . . . LP has been a 9.5 out of 10. Bath & bedtime routine kept consistent, and she was actually asleep a bit earlier than usual! The warmer weather is helping, too (playing outside!)

Now if MUMMY could just relax and get some sleep, too ;o)

Tiny. Smug. Mine.

Dr. J and I had out first EVENING date sans-baby since becoming parents on July 28th of last year. REALLY. We (or is it me) had some separation anxiety since Lil Pumpkin has not ever had a bedtime without Mummy or Daddy (and 95% of time it's both of us) since we became her Forever Family. But she was with her Nan and her beloved Pap ("Paaaaaap!") and all went smoothly. It's usually a slam dunk when your kid falls asleep in the Dor.a ball pit at her grandparents house, hee hee.

It felt really good to be able to go out, all gussied up, for an evening with my husband. To make smart ass remarks about everything going on around us, and in that blessed "spousal shorthand" that nobody else gets or understands. To like the same things that others would scoff at (hullo, "crumbles"!), and be able to say to Dr. J the phrase "I can't be in that parking lot and you know why" and for him to immediately understand WHY, and not want to be there too. That's something we have learned over the past month -- that the serious grief we have endured has also binded/bonded us, albeit in a very odd way. The shared grief that tears us apart also makes us (still) reach out for the only other person who could possibly understand.

We remembered what it was like pre-baby, but agreed that the mundane chores of life are now the best things in the world, like going to Sam's with Lil Pumpkin . . . suddenly it's an event! And it's as much fun as a night out on the town, but with deeper smiles and far better giggles (though they belong to her).

So what was my favorite moment on Saturday Night? Probably when the hostess (great gal, BTW!) offered me a piece of chocolate cake and I politely declined. I did this because I don't really like chocolate cake, being a vanilla/yellow kind of girl. She assumed otherwise, and said "You are already so tiny anyways!" TINY?! Me?! Oh girl, I am SO lovin' you now for calling me tiny!!! And loving An.n Tayl.or Loft for the dress I purchased there that very afternoon. And even my inlaws for the gift card that allowed me to purchase said dress. And my husband for chasing after The Chinese Ball of Frenetic Energy on the indoor mall playground while Mummy shopped for said dress that made her look (and feel) tiny.

Best part of Sunday? All around another terrific day spent with Lil Pumpkin. But favorite moment came when my 22-month old CONNED me into allowing her a second lollipop while we waited in a long line at the deli counter. I finally gave in because she was being adorably persistent (normally she is stricyly limited to ONE mini-dumdum per day), and the SMUG little look she gave me when I gave in was priceless. Oh, she is SO gonna set the world on fire, no matter what she does in life!

Oh, and it was yet another weekend in which Dr. J and surveyed the other children we saw, and continually whispered to one another "gawd, why are everybody else's kids so UGLY?! Damn, OUR kid is gorgeous!!!"

And smart. And brilliant. And persistent. And funny. And stubborn. And dramatic.

And . . . MINE.

Bar Babe

So we don't get out much anymore (okay, we didn't get out all that much before, either, or at least since we moved back from Kal-ee-forn-yah). Thus, it's quite possible that I have forgotten a lot of things about going out in general.

Add Lil Pumpkin into the mix and I guess I have forgotten A LOT of my pre-baby life.

Case in point . . . a few days ago Dr. J mentions that a patient of his has invited us to a party she is having for her boyfriend on an upcoming Saturday night. I immediately grill him for details, yadda yadda. We agree to go. Have never been to this place before, which kinda stresses me out (I like the familiar, what can I say), but okay, we will go.

A few days later, I am organizing the clothes in Lil Pumpkin's closet as Dr. J is getting our frenetic ball of Chinese energy ready for her evening bath. I pull two dresses out of her closest and the conversation goes something like this . . .

• MS. J: "Which one do you think I should put on her for that party?"
• DR. J: "What party?"
• MS. J: (rolling my eyes), "Hullo?! The party your patient is having for her boyfriend on the 28th?!"
• DR. J: "Um, I didn't think we would be taking the baby with us."
• MS. J: "Why wouldn't we? We are not ready to leave her with anyone other than my Mom yet during evening hours, and I think my Mom does enough childcare already, she doesn't need her on a Saturday night on top of it! So why not take the baby with us?!?!?!"
• DR. J: "Uh, because the party is at a BAR?!"
• MS. J: "Oh. [long pause]. Kee-rist, I guess I missed that fact. Damn, I need to get out more. I was going to take the baby to a bar with us!!! WHAT is wrong with me?!?!?! LOL!"

I got kinda panicky at thought of leaving Lil Pumpkin on a Saturday evening when it's so close to her bedtime . . . but taking a leap and going to try and go out at night, with husband, sans baby.

Inhale. Exhale.

Lust Cookies . . . now Lil Pumpkin Cookies

So, it would probably be in poor taste (figuratively, not literally) to carryout our annual V-Day tradition of baking cookies with our porno cookie cutters and decorating them in all sorts of nasty ways. Probably.

So instead we baked cookies with our Lil Pumpkin, as she was strapped into her highchair. It was great! And capped off by her successful pee-pee on the potty!

We also had a great time letting her run around the Auto Show.

What a difference a year makes.

6 months today

I am shaking my head thinking that 6 months ago today, at precisely 3:45 p.m. (okay, China time, which is actually 12 hours behind us, whatever), I became Mummy to the feisty, spirited, incredibly smart, funny, and breathtakingly beautiful baby who it stretched out on her "Dor.a Couch" a few feet from me, intently receiving her morning dose of "Sesam.e Str.eet."

How did I luck out like this?! I scrutinize other people's kids wherever I go, and NONE come close to being as gorgeous as mine. That's not bias . . . . it's a certifiable fact.

Thank you people of China, thank you birth parents who gave her Life, thank you foster family for loving and nurturing her until she was united with her Forever Family.

And here is what I will probably be doing later with "Suzie Snowflake" . . . . I am so lucky!

Happy Spring Festival to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nah Nah Nah Nah! (I Still Fit, Do YOU, Bee-yotch?!)

I love a good tradition, especially when it's mine.

So, let's recap . . .

I did it in 2005. And 2006.

I recorded it on this blog in 2007.

Again in 2008.

And now I give you 2009 . . . !!!

YEP, IT STILL FITS!!!!

Only this year I have the best accessory possible . . .

(I have a very stubborn daughter - she would only agree

to be in the photo if her froggie was included, LOL).

We celebrated over dinner tonight with champagne and our favorite cupcakes. And our Lil Pumpkin, of course.

By the way, I have thee funniest and charming story to tell about one of Dr. J's gifts to me . . . coming soon!!!

Thank YOU, Mr. President

I love Dennis Miller. Have seen him in concert, and just love, love, LOVE him every time I see his mug on t.v.

And he has summed up exactly what I am feeling to a "T," so I will leave it to him . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdiKiMcpV2U

Thank you, also, Mr. President, for your appointments to the Supreme Court, especially that cutie Chief Justice Roberts! Thank you for your deep commitment to the protection of innocent human life, in this regard.I did not vote for President-Elect Obama, for multiple reasons. But I fervently hope that he does a terrific job as our new President! I remain very concerned about the nominations he will make to the Supreme Court ('cause there will be 1-3 retirements, I am sure).

I am not a single issue voter. I am someone who used to be pro-choice, but in 2003 found myself being changed to a pro-life philosophy when it came to unborn children. It's an issue that a President has unique power over via his nominations to the courts. I know people like to wave the big ol' "oh, but rape and incest and and save the life of the mother" exceptions, but the truth is that every state law on abortion HAS those exemptions already, and they account for less than .01% of all abortions in this country (of which there have been something like 40 million since Ro.e v. Wad.e). I can understand why those exemptions exist.

As an adoptive parent, I think about this alot . . . all of those children, being extinguished. Then I think about the millions of couples in this country, so desperate to cradle a child in their arms, not caring where or whom or how it came about . . . just wanting to love it, wholly, completely, fully, forever.

I have held back many times on my other blog, as well as refrained from commenting on others, about this issue. I have comforted women who have had abortions. I have supported (with my own time and money) women facing unplanned pregnancies who chose to give life to their baby, and raise it. And I have moved heaven and earth (and crossed continents) to bring home a baby from another country whose birth parents could not care for her, but gave her Life, and then gave her up so she could potentially have (as they prayed) a better life.

So Mr. President-Elect, here is my hope for your term . . . while being so busy keeping us safe, and addressing the economic problems many people are facing, among other issues, please take time to always start with the foundation of what is truly important . . . caring for and protecting our most innocent citizens of this earth, and that is our babies. Both the born, and the unborn. Help cultivate a culture of Life. Encourage adoption domestically and abroad. Send the message to judges (even the local ones, through your leadership and pulpit) that as*hole parents who F'up even one time do not deserve to get their children back. Increase the adoption tax credit immediately (it's about $11,000 if anyone's interested - foreign or domestic). Triple the adoption tax credit if the adopted child is over the age of 3 years old, or if the child (at any age) has a medical issue (mental or physical or emotional). Double the yearly deduction allowed for children who were adopted, to demonstrate the ongoing commitment to having all children placed in loving and stable homes. Build Ta.j Maha.l type buildings where pregnant women can live if they need a place to stay, help them find the right adoptive family, and then offer them COLLEGE TUITION MONEY (or some other form of assistance) for giving birth instead of getting an abortion!

Oh, and just to head off any other comments on this, please be aware that Dr. J and I most certainly DID try to adopt locally through an agency, and were willing to bring home a baby that was born addicted to drugs, too (we were in the running for a 4 month old boy born with opiates in his system, but he was ultimately placed with another couple - so don't EVEN tell me that nobody wants babies born addicted to drugs. NOT TRUE!). In fact, AFTER we were matched with our Lil Pumpkin we were actually matched with two other children locally . . a 15 month old boy, and a 2 year old boy . . . but because we had already committed to Lil Pumpkin (and the caseworkers for these additional little boys were not yet aware of that), we were legally not allowed to bring either home (most agencies will only place one child per year in your home). But we HAPPILY brought home Lil Pumpkin, who was considered a "Child of Promise" (meaning she has a medical issue in need of some fixin'). And of course, Lil Pumpkin is an answered prayer. [Someone remind me of this today at 6 p.m. when she is workin' my last nerve].

Are my ideas going to magically make abortions disappear? Hell no. Might it be a start? Yes. Will it encourage adoption? I think so. Will I get flamed for expressing these views on my other blog? Probably. Do I care? Yes - I hope I don't, and that people will speak out in favor of my ideas and views. I have "walked the walk" via being an adoptive parent, and have the street creds, IMHO.

Good luck, President-Elect Obama. And listen to your Joint Chiefs.

Bar.t Simpso.n Blackboard Moment

I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.

Oh, and if I were sent to the blackboard tomorrow? The message would be . . . "It's very difficult to get red wine stains out of little girl's pink jeans." Actually, I should make Dr. J write that one, as it was his wine, foolishly sitting on our IKE.A cocktail table, that Lil Pumpkin rode her new Big Whe.el into, which sent his wine glass flying. MumMa is smart enough to always stow her wine glass on the window sill. Or clutch it carefully in her hand ;o)

In Dr. J's semi-defense, I don't do too well with stains. I give it a feeble attempt, and then give up. I would rather just replace the item. There are few things I own that cost enough money to make me want to commit that kind of effort. In the case of Lil Pumpkin's ultra-pale pink jeans, they were bought at Target, by her Lahng Island grandmother. So I am out no money.

In other exciting news, I moved Lil Pumpkin DOWN a size in diapers. Her ass continues to swim in the size 4's, so I gulped and bought the 3's, and prayed the $32.04 investment at Sam's was not going to be one I regretted. They fit much better. She has gained close to 4 pounds over the past 5 months, and is 3 inches taller, too! However, she continues to have the same teeny booty as her Daddy (which, being as she is adopted, something we laugh about - the similarities she has to both of us, physically and in personality). Her little bum is super-pinchable, I have to refrain from doing it endlessly when she gets out of the tub!

I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.
I will remember to buy eye makeup remover.

'Cause if I have to use a baby wipe one more night (they have a tiny bit of aloe in them which is one of the same ingredients as eye makeup remover), I will rub my friggin' skin right off. Grrr.

Christmas Eve

Okay, so it is slightly sucky that I have to put in an appearance at the office today (a half-day). But at least I got to hear the awesome, and poignant lyrics of my fave John May.er song, "Say," on the drive in. This song was featured on the travel blog we did when we went to China to be united with our Lil' Pumpkin.

Every time I hear this song, there is this amazing mental video montage playing in my head . . . feelings and scenes and frustrations and doubts and tears that surrounded the fertility exploration and then the adoption paperchase that culminated in Thee Supreme Privilige of being granted the opportunity to become my daughter's Forever Mommy by the Chinese people. And then there are the rush of feelings that accompany the giant (and I mean GIANT) leap of faith it took to believe that THIS was actually going to happen . . . that she would be ours.

Take all of your wasted honor

Every little past frustration

Take all your so called problems

Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x7)

Say what you need to saaaay...

Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only

Say what you need to say (x7)

Say what you need to saaay...

Have no fearFor giving in

Have no fear

For giving over

You better know that in the end

It's better to say too much

Then never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open... wide...

Say what you need to say (x7)

Say what you need to

Say what you need to

Say what you need to say...

The past several years worth of holidays have F'in sucked, with a capital F. This year, this child, have changed that . . . have changed me.

Jesus may have been sent to save all of us, but surely God also sent Lil' Pumpkin to save me, too.

Powerless

I have decided to admit the following . . . I AM POWERLESS (meaning nada willpower to resist) WHEN IT COMES TO THE FOLLOWING:

• Butterf.ingers candy - ooooooh, baby, I do love you. I have eaten like 6 of the bite-sized ones over the past few days. I am trying not to stress about this, since I dropped like 4 more pounds last week when I was sick, and so far haven't put it back on (which brings my post-baby weight loss to 12 pounds, yeah for me!)


• Victor.ia's Secret Fashion Show - they showed the rerun on tv the other night . . . and I was mesmerized all over again - imagining myself on the catwalk, grooving along to the awesome music selections, whimpering for the lingerie to be in my personal repertoire, sniff sniff.


• White-chocolate covered pretzels - my personal version of crack coc.aine, thank you!


• A thin V-neck sweater - damn, they look good on me, and are so versatile ;o)


• Free drinks - I admit it. Especially if I can combine it with semi-legit work schmoozing


• Gossip - Live it, love it, embrace it!
  
• Lil Pumpkin's Giggle - And I know just how to make her do it (chase her around the room, toss her into the air so she lands on her bed, or hold her upside down - I tell ya, my baby girl is a fearless daredevil!)

Christmas Lovings and Longings

Okay, so this is the first year in quite a few that I don't dread Christmas. If you don't already know why, please feel free to check in on my other blog (which, I am thrilled to say, has well over 18,000 hits - WOW!)


Still, in spite of several shitty years of wishing I could fast forward from the day after Thanksgiving to sometime in January, there were always a few things I could count on as my Christmas Guilty Pleasures:

• The Vic.toria's Secre.t Fashion Show - it ALWAYS delivers! In my Fantasy Life, I am up there walking with them, blowing kisses, winking at the celebs in the crowd, and tossing my fabulous hair over my shoulder as I model dangerously sexy underwear.


• Christmas Crunch - mmmmm, a recipe passed to me by a guy from Nashville about a decade ago, it basically involves melting white chocolate overtop Ric.e Chex, Cheeri.os, peanuts, almonds, min-pretzels, and whatever else you feel like mixing in. Mmmm, white chocolate soooo smacks my lips of Christmastime!


• Shopping - okay, so I haven't had the money to do so, but I still enjoy the by-proxy feeling in the air while wandering the stores. The people-watching alone is worth the hassle to find a parking spot (of which I have terrific Parking Lot Karma!)


• Sending Out Christmas Cards - I do enjoy it, I admit it. I have trimmed my list back every year (I think we will probably only send about 90 this year, as I am pissed at the non-senders and late-senders). And this year I am not quite as much as living-in-fear at receiving photo cards, as you will see from this Other Blog Entry (okay, so maybe just a little bit, which will probably never go away). Please Jesus, nobody send me any glitter cards (embarrassing story), though I have learned my lesson, I swear!!!
• A Real Tree - want to like crazy, but CAN'T DEAL with thought of pine needles on my hardwood floors being possibly ingested by my Lil Pumpkin, nor can I handle the stress of her tipping it over and sappy water going everywhere. Hell, I am already dreading the constant chorus of "No, No, NO!" that will emit from my mouth as I try to keep her from yanking ornaments off of the artificial tree we will put up. I suspect it will look like something Cha.rlie Br.own would be ashamed of, as I can't possibly put up my favorite ornaments lest I chance an ER visit for a toddler who managed to swallow a sequin, glitter in her eyes, or some other bodily injury due to being poked by something too sharp for her inquisitive little hands. I never thought I'd be this stressed out by the thought of a Christma.s tree

Micro Meow (meee-yow!)

I have found somebody new. Somebody who warms my legs and loins like no other ever has.

Here's a picture of my new love.

I purposely keep my house quite cool because (A) gas heat is expensive, and (B) I start to have all sorts of allergy/stuffy nose issues if it's kept too warm. But I must admit that I can't keep it quite as cool as I did last year because I think the social worker would give me a hard time if my Lil' Pumpkin turned into Lil' Popsicle. In past years I had a heated mattress pad on my bed, but I am too paranoid about Lil' Pumpkin reaching for the cord that would have to be connected between it and the wall socket, so I was leery of bringing it out of storage, and certainly you can NOT put a heated mattress pad in a toddler's room, LOL!

Lil' Pumpkin SUCKS at keeping a blanket on her (what toddler does?!), and it has already taken me some coaxing to get her to wear footed pajamas (she was a big fan of having me rub her tummy as she fell asleep, skin on skin. I give an excellent tummy rub, so who can blame her!)

But I still worried that she was too cold at night, so I began investigating the possibility of (gasp!) flannel sheets on her mattress. I was raised by an anti-flannel sheet mother ("the pilling, egads!"), and live with an anti-flannel man (no metrosexual likes flannel, unless it's a sleep shirt resting precariously on the shoulder of a Vict.oria's Secre.t calatog model with a peek of pushup bra underneath).

But then I discovered micro-fleece sheets! I bought some for Lil' Pumpkin's bed, and the first night I laid her down to sleep on them . . . ooooooooh, baby! I DIDN'T WANT TO GET OUT OF HER BED, THEY FELT SO COZY AND WARM!!! The next day I ordered Dr. J to pick up a set for our big bed. Ahhhhhh, what a divine night that was!

And now, my by-chance discovery of these micro-fleece lounge pants?! HOLY PHUCK I AM IN NIRVANA, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!

Micro-fleece pants, micro-fleece sheets, and my big, fluffy white robe?! Oh girl, I am toasty!!!

I'm Back!

And I have a few observations to share (what a stunner).



Okay, here is what I miss about China:

• Housekeeping - not just the fact that your bathroom gets cleaned and the bed made, but that if you kid throws up on the bed in the middle of the night, all it takes is one phone call and a kind Chinese employee scurries your room and quickly changes the sheets, and with a smile! (This happened to us twice).
• The breakfast buffet each morning . . . Lord, I will always miss that scrumptious and bountiful spread. Pout!
• Co.ke Lite - their version of D.iet Cok.e
• How cheap the food is (and dee-lish!)
• The service we received EVERYWHERE - smiles, doors held for us, eagerness to please, attempts to speak English for OUR convenience, encouragement as we struggled with our new baby
• No job to attend to, no emails to check - just focusing solely on the baby
• How cheap and easy it was to have our clothes laundered, pressed, and meticulously folded whenever we needed it done
  

And here is what I love about being back home:

• I am no longer BAKING in the Chinese heat and humidity
• More than one english-speaking t.v. station (we were stuck with B.BC, too, ick!)
• Toddler-proofed house
• Better pizza
• Having our strollers available (the ones we spent endless hours researching)
• Finally having a baby in the room that has stood empty for far too long

Time is Relative

"As the days grow shorter, your hours grow longer."

-- wisdom from "Mr. Bill," my little brother

Getting Closer . . .

:o)

And counting . . .

:o)

Countdown to Grown-Up Land

I have often thought and remarked that I don't feel like a Grown-Up, certainly not an Adult. I always reasoned that "Grown-Ups have a mortgage and kids." Whew, I was safely not a member of that club!

Then one day we decided we wanted to have the latter (the kid). Which, because of the cards Life dealt us, and the path we choose, necessitated the former (the house, which = mortgage).

The house was not something we wanted. For over a year now I have felt like I have let everybody down when they say to us with a happy voice, "Don't you love having a house!" Um, uh, NO, we don't! I love my hardwood floors. I love shouting at the tops of my lungs (could do that at our old funky apartment, though). I love that the house made our adoption possible. I love that the walls in Lil' Pumpkin's nursery are bright green and blue (as opposed to "rental white" or cream). But I most certainly do not love having a house. Sigh. On our best days, I would put us in the "reluctant homeowner" category. I will be forever working towards my dream of three-story townhouse -- I even have it picked out, if anyone wants to buy it for grateful me (try me, I am GREAT at being GRATEFUL!!!)

But now I am less than 3o days (28, if anyone's counting -- oh wait, I AM!) to being a legal parent to somebody. I already feel like her parent, of course. I have filled out endless (and I do mean ENDLESS) paperwork to justify our relationship & responsibility. I have updated my life insurance to name her as a big winner if we croak. We now have wills, which name her as the heir to our estate (LOL -- then SHE can deal with the house, hee hee), and name her Legal Guardians if, again, we croak (seeing her name in our wills gave me such a reality-check rush, but in a good way). Heck, I even have her pediatrician appointment booked! Phuck, I am even tossing out phrases like "Maternity Leave" in emails to colleagues. WTF?!

Part Two of being a Grown-Up, which, by my definition, is what I am on the verge of these last 28 days, is clearly within my grasp. It is just around the corner, and yet painfully far away. I suck at waiting, of course. When I want something, I want it NOW. No, make that YESTERDAY.

But Part Two, as much as it's craved (okay, SHE is craved by us), seems so scary at the same time. I am aware of this about a thousand times a day as I move about my not-loved but toddler-proofed house. I see hazards everywhere. I think about all the things that can go wrong -- my old fears and pessimism never can be fully quelled, I suppose. I take out her photos and glance at it, for just a few quick seconds, and then have to put it away. It's like I am afraid that if I stare at it too long, or dream too much, then POOF, it will all be gone. Because that IS when things typically go to shit in my life -- when I start to get comfortable with a concept or state of being.

(Cue my positive mantras . . . she is ours, she is ours, she is ours).

28 days. Holy Phuck. Should I be doing something wild to mark these last days as a NON-adult?! What is truly crazy and non-kiddie that I can do to commemorate my last fleeting days of life that don't include a toddler? Maybe I need to pull our my "24 things" list again. LOL, if only we had time to do one a day (not).

Sucking Wind

So much has been going on in my life, and yet I am too stressed or busy or overwhelmed to speak of it.

Okay, so let me at least mark another reluctant weekend of home improvement progress . . . we managed the following:

• Bought more necessary crap for our pending trip to China (me, with help from my Mommy)
  
• Swept the basement (me)
  
• Swept the garage (Dr. J)
  
• Assembled the pressure-mounted baby gate (Me)
• Rust removal and repainting of porch railing (Dr. J, last week -- thank you!!!)
• Assembled the jogging stroller (joint effort)
• Assembled the regular stroller (me, last week)
• Ceiling fan with light mounted in baby's room (friend)
• Mounted the white wooden letters spelling baby's name on the wall above her bed (joint effort -- kee-rist what an ordeal, WHO KNEW?!?!)

Up next:

• Mounting of FOUR pressure-mounted baby gates (I really need to purchase this, I swear)
• More buying of necessary crap for trip
• Put foam bumpers on every conceivable sharp corner in living room, dining room, and baby's room
• Reorganize hall closet
• Rearrange linen closet, making room for baby's stuff and tub essentials
• Wash & soften up her sheets & pillowcases
• Steal lightweight suitcases from friends and family (USA weight limits on luggage are 55 pounds / China's are 44 pounds. Grrrr.)
• 6,413 other things that I keep re-remembering and re-forgetting. And reminding Mr. No-Short-Term-Memory (aka the lovely Dr. J) about them

Eh, at least we finally got our swimsuits for the trip. I can't believe I got a two-piece (top & bottom) AND a coverup skirt for the hotel, and managed to not have a self-loathing moment throughout it. WOW!

Miracles never cease, I guess.