PHUCK, that hurt! (a.k.a. Our Visit to the County Health Department)

Dr. J and I elected to get several shots (on the advice of our G.P.) in advance of our pending summer trip to China. After checking around we learned that one of the shots is ONLY offered by our County Health Department, and they had evening hours one night a week that would accomodate Dr. J's schedule. So off we went, checkbook in hand (check or cash only, please!)

We decided to get the tetanus booster, Hep A, and Hep B vaccines.

This is the sign that greeted us as we walked into the building . . .


Then we saw THIS sign as we waited for the elevator that would take us to the 3rd floor. Immediately, I said to Dr. J, "be careful what you touch while here. And don't touch me at all."

Oh, here's ANOTHER fun sign that had my germ-phobia starting to kick into panic mode . . .

Lemme say, I am NO wimp, okay?! I can, have, and do deal with physical pain just fine, thank you very much.

However, when that nurse put the Hep A & B combo shot into my arm, it hurt! I swear that thing was given intramuscular or something?! And the moment she pulled the needle out I actually winced! YOWZA! Hey, I got allergy shots for years, so I am NOT afraid of needles. And kee-rist after LAST summer's medical follies where my va-jay-jay went through the friggin' wringer I know I am tough enough. But DAMMIT THIS HURT!

We waited the obligatory 5 minutes post-vaccines, and promised to return in one month's time to get the second phase of the Hep shots. And that's when perhaps the "best moment" presented itself out of this whole germy experience. We exited the elevator back on the 1st floor, and I spotted this sign . . .

Immediately, I start cracking up, while making all sorts of highly inappropriate remarks to Dr. J, who is somewhere between wanting to vomit and laugh hysterically. It's at this point that a janitor happens to overhear us, (cue the voice of Nicolas Cage from the movie "Peggy Sue Got Married,"), nods in our direction at the sign and says "THAT'S THE REAL WORLD RIGHT THERE."

LMAO!!!!!!!!! Hullo, are we high right now? Or just dreaming? It was insane. And awesomely bad. Perfect.


A final gross-out photo . . . this, along with other photo examples of highly contagious diseases, were prominently displayed on the walls of the waiting room where we sat for 30 minutes waiting our turn to be jabbed. I made sure to send a copy of it to Jay (Lori's fiance), who promptly replied, "They paid me $100 to pose for that. And $500 for the herpes one -- have you seen it yet?" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Small Steps, Big Leaps of Faith, and Quiet Moments.

A year ago today was thee happiest day of my life. I found out I was pregnant, and despite some tragic history, was feeling really hopeful about this third chance. And for a while, Life was wonderful, and beautiful.

Then something terrible happened -- we got the news that she was too small, and probably not going to make it. And that is what went on to occur, devastating us. So, just as the Due Date for that baby hurt like hell, so does the memory of the date I first learned she was alive inside of me.

Pulling yourself together after such profound grief, and learning to go on, and even contemplating trying again is amazingly difficult. Even still. And its why, even with the pending adoption of our Lil' Pumpkin, I still have moments when I am cynical and scared. I now expect Disappointment in my life. The vulnerability I have acquired often keeps me from preventing it.

But on Saturday I did something that was really difficult for me.

I bought baby clothes for Lil' Pumpkin.

I have avoided doing this ever since we started our "Path to Parenthood," because it felt like I'd be jinxing the whole thing.

With m/c's #2 and #3, it seemed that just when I started to allow myself to dream a little bit, by looking at nursery bedding online (yes, online, not even in-person at the store), our world was shattered shortly thereafter by the loss of our baby.

But Dr. J had to go to the mall to return something anyway, so I shyly asked him if he would accompany me to take those scary steps into the store. I wasn't sure if I'd even be able to buy anything, or if the fear and doubts would take over. He assured me that he would be there to reassure me, and gave me a big hug. And I cried (what else is new, lol?!)

We went into Children's Place, and I bought two pink t-shirts, and one pair of pink shorts for Lil' Pumpkin. I thought they'd be good mix & match items, versatile, and appropriate choices since we'd be picking her up in the high heat of a southern China summer.

Then we went to Target, and picked out just a few more little items, like an adorable hoodie (I seriously LUV this hoodie), a lil' shirt that Dr. J liked, a pair of khaki shorts, and her first pair of jean shorts.

It was truly a leap of faith to do this. A small act, but it required enormous bravery on my part. It meant I had to dig deep and have some faith, and allow Hope to occupy just a tad more room in my heart.

I hope she (Hope) sticks around.

So through my tears, today, I am also looking ahead, and allowing myself little moments to dream. To think about all the things that we were going to do with the baby lost last year . . . and all the things we WILL do with the baby we will welcome home in just a few months.

Fun at The Mall

OMG, I do not know if we ever had such an amazing people-watching opportunity dropped into our lap, before?!

We were headed to the mall (more on that in a subsequent post) and we suddenly noticed that the parking lot was beyond full. Beyond Saturday-before-Christmas FULL. It was insane. Cars everyone, people creating spots where none existed, tons of parking illegally.

Why, we wondered?! I was guessing that Miley Cyrus was making an appearence at the mall. I briefly thought it was tryouts for "America's Next Top Model," but that thought was quickly banished from my mind when I saw all of the ugly people inside the mall.

And there . . . were . . . people . . . EVERY FRIGGIN' WHERE inside. Really. There were lines snaking over every conceivable spot of walking space inside the mall, top and bottom levels. We walked into The Gap to return a birthday present from Dr. J's aunt and I inquired of the sales girl "WTF is going on here?!"

The answer? Tryouts for "Deal or No Deal." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Nope, she wasn't. Apparently people had been camping out in the parking lot since Thursday, coming from Rhode Island, New Jersey, and a whole slew of other states to try out for the show. Dr. J wanted to go outside and shout "Hey everyone, I just saw Howie Mandel walk into Victoria's Secret" and watch the sheeple run accordingly. LMAO.

We ran into a woman from our church and her two kids, and we all had a good laugh at just how insane people are. There were THOUSANDS (yes, thousands) of people still outside, winding around in a long line, still waiting to get in!

Ever the troublemaker (and never passing up an opportunity to say something outrageous) I actually leaned over the railing from the second floor and shouted down to the people below "Hey, they closed the auditions -- they said they're not interviewing anyone else!" Hee-hee!!!

I think we were most dumbfounded by how U-G-L-Y the overwhelming majority of people in line were. It's one thing to be less than a physical specimen of beauty, but these folks were slovenly on top of it. Seriously, people, what makes you think an old, grubby, t-shirt, carrying around 60 extra pounds, and (ladies) a hairstyle you haven't updated since 1986 is going to make a casting director snap their fingers and say "YES -- THAT is who I want to put on t.v.!!!"

Really, people. Really.

The only thing that would have made this people-watching moment more perfect is if we had booze. Oh, that would have been SO sweet!

I hope another t.v. show comes to town again soon to conduct auditions. We are sooooo going back, and gonna each pack a flask to enhance the experience. Cheers!

Marrying Up. Or Down.

I don't think it's any secret that in most marriages (or couplehoods) there is inevitably some lack of parity. A stroll around the mall makes this readily apparent. How often have you seen a goodlooking guy with a less-goodlooking girl and thought to yourself, "She must be hell in bed!" Or seen a beautiful woman with a so-so looking guy and figured "Either he makes gooooood money" or "Maybe he's a good listener" or something to that effect?!

Turns out that there is scientific proof, or something like that. Okay, maybe not scientific proof exactly, but maybe a "method to the madness" as they say.

I can't think of anyone I know well enough to call a friend (maybe a couple of acquaintanceas) that is in a relationship in which it's the guy who is the better-looking one. I don't know what that says about all of these people, or me (maybe I gravitate toward people who have similar types of expectations in their intimate relationships?!)

I think most of us are generally more comfortable accepting that a beautiful woman can love a less-beautiful (physically) man. But who ever believes the opposite?! Don't we all squint our eyes in suspicion if we see a goodlooking man with a woman who is less attractive, or chubby? Why is that?!

Eh, at least I admit to it, I suppose.

Spring has SPRUNG!

FINALLY, we had a truly beautiful day around here!

Evidence:

• I was treated to lunch at a "soul food" place that has been all the rage, and got to eat outdoors.
• I barely turned on the space heater in my office today (it's a super-cold office most of the time).
• I skipped the gym and jogged outdoors after work.
• I opened the gas bill when I got home, and it was $80 CHEAPER THAN LAST MONTHS!!! WOOOOO-HOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
• The local ball team blew it and lost the home opener.

Next up . . . time to break out the lil' dresses, lose the nylons, and lather on the extra moisturizer to make that skin summery smooth :o)

R.I.P. Old Friend

So saddened to hear that Charlton Heston has passed on to Heaven. What a guy! Me, Dr. J, Noah, Adrian, Kirk, and so many more loved the dude.

It may be for the best, since he was so ill from Alzheimer's over the past few years, but damn the guy had one hell of a resume.

Of course, I hafta wonder . . . when he died, did they finally get the gun out of his "cold dead, hand", or are they just gonna bury him with it?!

WE LOVE YA, DUDE!

Bad Blogger

I have been a bad, bad, blogger lately.

I have LOTS to say, just too little time to type it out. Busy with a sudden project in my personal life.

Work also has me waaaaay busy, since it's Primary Season in my state, and a lot of my job involves the political realm.

So I am going to cheat and do a "Random Musings" list of unflitered thoughts that have popped into my mind recently:

• J.Lo -- honey, please stop pretending those twins are "just completely natural." We all KNOW you had fertility help. That's okay, we love you anyway! We know you have suffered m/c's, and we're happy for you. But please, stop kidding us, okay?!


• Dammit, I need to get a new purse. My shit don't fit -- evidenced by the apparent disappearing act of my blessed Ray-Bans. (Cue me pouting and tearing up). I can't not live without sunglasses. I have SUPER-sensitive eyes, the kind that blink in pain if I get near a light bulb, I swear. I never even turn on the lights in my office. PLEASE RAY-BANS, FIND YOUR WAY BACK TO ME! I swear I will invest in a bigger, more fashionable purse if you come back to mama!!!


• Where can I find an inexpensive throw rug for a bedroom? Other than Target, I have no clue. Eh, maybe IKEA, if they aren't too funky.


• WHY THE PHUCK DOESN'T IKEA HAVE WEDDING AND BABY REGISTRIES?! Seriously, this is ridiculous!!!!!!! TONS of people furnish their homes and nurseries via IKEA -- I just can't understand this?!


• It sucks that 2.0 and MH live thousands of miles away. I need them here, to make The Posse complete.


• There are waaaaaay too many children's sippy cups on the market. People, it's a sippy cup, not technology that launches the space shuttle. Designers, get a friggin' life and find something new to re-invent for gawd's sake!

Okay, time to go stalk the blogs of the strangers whose world's I am fascinated by.

Still Hearting Howard

Had another massage from Howard. Ahhhhhh.

The funny part was just prior to the massage when I was in the bathroom getting changed. Another woman was in there, with her friend, and they both had just received massages. One woman was raving to the other about the masterful fingers of the young man who has just rubbed her.

I looked at her and said "You must be talking about Howard." She replied "Ohhhh, yes!"

I then triumpiantly said to her, "I had him two weeks ago. And I have another appointment with him in 5 minutes!"

The woman looked at me like I had just stolen her date for the Prom. It was awesome!

I relayed all of this to Howard, and added "It was like two high school girls having a near verbal catfight over you, hee hee!" I know he got a kick out of this tale :o)

The massage was divine. He even rubbed my, um, well, bum. I love a good bum rub. Mmmmmm. He even tucked the sheet into the tops of my low-slung panties when he was working his way down my back. If he hadn't been 23, and if it hadn't been a professional setting, I might have moaned "take me now, boy!" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

I am such a sucker for a good massage, and the bum rub is just the icing on the cake.

If I was ever taken as a P.O.W. my captors wouldn't have to torture me. I would sing like a canary if they gave me a massage and plied me with good wine ;o)

Jesse, Jesse, Jesse

We haven't had a good ol' Jesse story in a while. Which is why I was delighted when I woke up this morning and found he had sent us ("FireCracker"/me, his sister-in-law "ManHands"/Adrian, and "Chrissie"/Kirsten) this lil' gem late last night.

I love Jesse. It's like glimpsing in upon my Dad, 20 years ago. He's such a cad, ya can't help but loving him. He makes me wish I could be a guy once in a while, just to pull off such wickedly masterful sexual chess moves. Well played, Jesse, as always! We bow in your princely presence ;o)

Without further ado, Jesse, in his own words . . . .

***************

I am getting old.

Well...okay one story...

This week ... Monday... well ... you may recall I told you about a girl named Morgan. I wrote you about a time maybe 6 months ago, when she invited me over to her place where she lived with her boyfriend. For a BBQ. She is HOT girl from Indiana. 25 years old, free spirit. etc. Looks like the girl next door... well ... really she looks like the girl that was in the Eastwood movie about the boxer. Hillary Swank I think. Yes. Exactly like her but dark hair.

I was so happy to go because she has a handful of hot 20-something friends.

Well, I did not score any friends. But I kept friends with her, knowing full well her Indiana boyfirend was nice, but wasn't gonna be able to hold up against the guys like me out here for long. She is just too hot and friendly. A nightmare to have for a girlfriend for sure, flirtatious, drinks a lot, sexual ... bad news for any boyfriend.

Sure enough, they break up a month or so ago. She calls for help getting her stuff back, I arrange it, I don't call her afterwards.

She texts, "We should get a beer", we do. I'm cool, no hitting on her at all, just gettin her drunk and making her laugh. (I am buying drinks). I take her home, I am cool ... she sits next to me ... we make out, she is saying stuff like, 'This isn't gonna make it weird if I'm out with other guys, etc. I mean, you gotta promise me to be cool" etc. I'm like, "yeah don't be calling me all the time and shit" I pull part one of the move of all time. Sensing she is worried about my age and if I'm gonna get too attached and she doesn't want to go all the way yet, I mean she does, I know, but she doesn't want to be too slutty. So ... I just leave. I say hey thanks so much for spending your time with me, I gotta go, hope I see you soon.

She thinks I'm 35. So got that lie workin, But I think lying about your age is okay.

The following week. I do not call her, but then I have cause to go to a place where her hot friend Brittney works. I talk business with Brittney (both these girls are really cool and smart actually). Brit is not as hot as Morgan. But hot.

Part two of the move: I text Morgan, that " I just did some work with Brittney, she is pretty hot. Sneaky hot. Didn't realize it at first." She texts back "yeah, I know".

I don't let go because I'mplaying with her insecurities now ... text back: "Her heat is not right away like yours, You were hot when I first saw you she is a later hot". I know she talks to Brittney every ten minutes.

The next day she texts that I should get sushi with her that night. I say no. but I'd do beers after, and I'll call her at 8.

I text. she is done eating, went home, I text ... do you want to get a beer?

And I wait. I know that if she wants to see me right now ... it's on. If she says no ... it will never happen but it will happen with Brittney.

She says ok. I go to get condoms.

I pick her up, take her to the local bar. get her drunk as hell. take her home, we go in and her shirt is off in about 4 minutes (bra I removed in one minute). She says "you gotta promise me it's not gonna get weird with you, guys change" -- she meant like I'd want to be her boyfriend. I laughed. "No worries there beauty".

Got her naked and she went WILD. Crazy good sex. Great ... But I am old, and after once I was done and wanting to go (still had my undershirt, and socks on) . I put on drawers and one leg of jeans and she is curling up in my lap all naked with the "doon't goooo ... I want you to stayyy"... " Gotta go, sorry, had enough beer to snore all night and you won't sleep anyway" "So its just fuck me and leave" ..."well....yeah, but no reflection on you, you know I'm busy and I got shit I gotta do".

So I just left her ass. Wednesday, my buddy I own horses with had a food/wine pairing thing at his resteraunt, I failed to get Kia to come, so then, I hit Morgan last minute ... (one hour prior) ... she says I'll be ready in 15 minutes ... We did have a Blast.

Life is pretty good.

Liz wants me over at her sister's party tonight, but I'm kinda poor, and tired, so I'm going to bed. And dream about Britney. or Kia, but not Morgan ... If I do that I'll lose my edge.

Please forward this to Doc J.

I Heart Being Touched

Last Saturday I had a divine massage from that young buck, Howard.

This week I had another one, by another young guy, named Jamie. I was the recipient of Jamie's magic touch at a chic spa in my city.

Normally I would not indulge in a masage at someplace so upscale, of course. But this was a gift, courtesy of a friend who is very dear to me. It was given to me, no strings attached, on a day when I was at a very low moment (really, the lowness factor was bottoming out). I was so surprised when I received the gift card for it (okay, blown away is more like it). And even more touched by the thoughtfulness. I was, like, speechless (which, if you know me, is kind of an impossible situation to imagine -- but trust me, I was). I will never forget that moment . . . like someone had tossed me a life preserver as I was drowning, and said "hey, I see you out there in the ocean, hold on!"

Yesterday afternoon, in between attending the a.m. & p.m. church services with my brother for his RCIA process into the Catholic Church (I am his Sponsor), I hustled to have my much anticipated massage. Jamie was young, sweet, and specialized in deep tissue massage. Perfect. He even turned on the steam machine and aimed it towards my back as he worked on other parts of my body -- the warm, moist heat felt amazing (oh crap, this sounds like total porn right now, LOL). After he was done kneading my legs he took a large, hot, wet washcloth and pressed it into my back, while applying firm pressure onto the knots he found. I would have groaned out loud (in pleasure) if I weren't afraid of being judged a perv, hee hee!

I was so relaxed by the end of the hour I wished I had the money to book the room for the rest of the afternoon, just to nap. It would have been divine if I could have just layed there for a while longer, all Zen-ed out, and slipped off into DreamLand. My body felt like it was in a mediatative trance. I hated to leave this "Den of Zen," but finally mustered up the energy to get dressed (boo!) and go home. The good feeling lasted though, and I managed to sleep better last night than I have in weeks.

If only I could somehow end every day with a massage . . . . Mmmmmm!

I Heart Howard

There's a new man in my life. His name is "Howard," and I heart him (ya know, like one of those t-shirts with the big red heart instead of the word "love"?!)

Let me explain.

About two weeks ago I saw an ad in a local community magazine advertising that a local technical school was offering massages, performed by their massage students-in-training, at a discounted rate. Well, I know how useful an experience this is for the students, as Dr. J's school had a student-clinic (under the watchful supervision of the professor-doctors), and the students get sooooo much out of it. Add into this that the massages were being offered at a steeply discounted rate and I was jazzed about the opportunity!

And yesterday was my appointment. I was assigned to Howard. He was about 23 years old, dark curly hair, warm personality, cute, and . . . had . . . great . . . hands. Ahhhhhhhhh! Seriously, in a non-sexual way, he made me a VERY happy woman!

When I got in the car to drive home I checked out my face in the mirror, and DAMN, if I didn't have thee most sated, fulfilled, blissful expression on it ;o)

Immediately afterwards, I booked another appointment with Howard for two weeks from now.

I HEART HOWARD!!!!!!!!!!!

Horoscope

Okay so I am not obsessed with astrology or anything like that. But I do find it fun and entertaining from time to time. And occasionally it is RIGHT on the mark. In general, I find it spooky how much I match up with the typical Scorpio traits.

This morning I logged into my Yahoo account and took the time to read today's daily forecast. In light of multiple issues I am dealing with in my personal life, I was kinda blown away by what my horoscope said:

Your practical side has had too much control over your decision making

lately, and it's time for you to stop deliberating every single decision in such

an analytic way. Life requires some leaps of faith, some risk-taking, and a

little bit of luck if it's going to stay interesting. Try let go. Try not to control

every single element of your day today. Let other people make some decisions,

and trust that everything will still be okay -- because it will. You're taking on

too much responsibility. It's time to step back.

Whoa. ME, give up control?! Okay, cosmic forces, I will make you a deal . . . I will give up control, in you will give me certainty -- cause right now the suspense of not knowing how things will turn out, and what path we should walk, is killing me.

Monday Musings

Several little items I want to comment on . . . .

First, I am pleased to report that I spent an hour on the treadmill this evening and NO panic attack, yeah!!!!!!!! Still am on the lookout for more symptoms, and wouldn't be surprised if another occurs, but I am glad that I was able to exercise again, free of this problem :o)

Second, damn you Victoria's Secret! MUST you insist on torturing me with your pretty little things?! The latest commercial for the BioFit Bra had me hauling to the mall in the midst of Saturday's snowstorm. I just had to try it on. A very good quality, smartly designed, everyday bra. Well done! I didn't buy it, and was okay with not having the funds to do so. Much more difficult to resist were several new panties I saw hanging up . . . (sniff, sniff, pout, LOTS of pouting) . . . they're just sooooo cute and make me feel like a princess in them! It got so bad I had to text the BFF (Ms. Lori) and complain about how unfair life is. She agreed, of course, but reminded me that I must not give in. (Pouting again!)

Third, went to church on Sunday with my little brother, as his Sponsor for RCIA (he is converting to Catholicism). My Dad showed up, which surprised me (figured he'd be working or sleeping). It was nice to spend time with both of them. My brother is taking this waaaaaaay seriously, so much that it is kinda creeping the family out. I shall write about this in a future posting -- the "Spreadsheet of Sin" is worth a few giggles, I assure you ;o)

Okay, time to pack it in and go nite-nite.

Panic

It kinda crept up on me.

I was at the gym, getting in my usual Friday post-workday exercise on the treadmill. I normally do about an hour of cardio. About 15 minutes into it, I suddenly noticed that I was breathing really hard. I was surprised, since it was still early in the workout.

I looked down at the control panel and saw that I wasn't working out hard at all, I was actually taking it easy. But by this point I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest! WTF?! Then I recognized what was happening to me . . . I . . . was . . . having . . . a . . . PANIC ATTACK.

OMG.

When is the last time I had one of these?! Maybe a decade ago, while studying for some exam in college or grad school?! My pulse was racing, it hurt to take a deep breath, and I could feel the beginnings of hyper-ventilation.

I then started to piece together all the things that had happened that day which had lead to this moment. I had managed to keep a positive attitude throughout all of the things that had brought me down during the workday, as well as post-workday. I had acknowledged the things that had bothered me, annoyed me, upset me, even hurt me. I then in turn had shrugged off all of these, and dismissed them, if you will. Still, my body wasn't done dealing with it. Cue the panic attack!

I slowed down the treadmill even more, until it was at a snail's pace. I tried to outlast the panic attack. But once the counter on the treadmill hit 30 minutes (and the symptoms had been around a good 7 minutes at this point), I decided to retreat to the locker room for some more pronounced deep, slow breaths. I called Dr. J, who of course wanted to come pick me up at the gym and drive me home (we only live 1.5 miles away). No matter how sweet his offer was, and how genuine the concern in his voice, I knew I had to be a Big Girl and get myself home.

And I did. My chest was still hurting, but not as bad. I tried my best to rationalize what had lead up to the panic attack, which made me remember other irritations during the work day that I hadn't even considered up until that moment. GEEZ, it was NO WONDER why my psyche had suddenly crashed!

A hot shower (and a few more tears) helped relieve 80% of the panic attack. As anyone who had ever had a panic attack knows, the symptoms completely alleviate at their own friggin' speed. You can't wish them away once it starts . . . like a large farm animal in the middle of a country road, they move along when THEY want to, not at your command (grrrrr!)

Moo.

Apple Bottom Booty?

We have a rather sassy receptionist at my office. She is in her early 60's (looks mid-40's), black, and a bit of a smart ass.

She and I both are fans of the Steve Harvey morning show (radio), and enjoy hip hop music.

For some reason (I don't know why), we were discussing the song "Lo" this afternoon. Most people know "Lo" by it's tag line of "Shawty had those Apple Bottom Jeans . . . . " It's a fun, catchy tune.

The receptionist has long bemoaned that she has a flat behind (puh-lease, I know plenty of women who'd love to trade). Well, in light of this song, out of nowhere she says to me "You have a sistah's bum. I have a white woman's bum." I cracked up.

She's right, though.

I told her this must be why black men love me (and I appreciate their appreciation, hee hee).

Testosterone Weekend -- the journey continues

We saw "Vantage Point" last night at the movies. It . . . was . . . freakin' . . . AWESOME! Totally our kind of movie, and fit nicely into this weekend's entertainment theme. I can't wait to tell my Dad about this one. He'd love it, too. Dr. J and I enjoyed how they kept re-telling the same 25 minute time frame in which the plot occurs, over and over, from the perspective of different characters. Each added a different piece to the puzzle, which culminated nicely into some "ah ha!" moments.

I'd give it a B+/A- rating.

Afterwards, we came home and watched MORE "24". Hee-hee!

Testosterone Weekend

My plan was to have a nice looooong workout at the gym last night, but the roads were pretty bad (snow would not stop) and since our town does not seem to ever bring out the plow or salt, I was concerned that if I stopped at the gym first, the side streets to our house would be impassable. Hence, I just went home (sliding along the way, thank you very much).


Dr. J and I are in "Cocoon Phase," as my beloved cousin Sandi calls it -- meaning we are kinda shutting ourselves off to outside influences, and trying to just be close to one another, and put our collective couplehood back on track.


Since his last two patients cancelled (snow fears), I told Dr. J to stop at the video store on the way home and pick up some stuff for us to watch. He brought home a couple DVD's with "24" episodes we have missed (we have been meaning to catch up before the new season starts).

So we happily settled in with Jack Bauer last night. There's nothing that we love more than t.v. or movies that have the government/military/terrorist-hunting/ass-kicking theme to it! And Jack Bauer is quite the bad ass. Of course, we also worship the characters Jason Bourne (movies) and Mitch Rapp (fiction by Vince Flynn), too. Sometimes we speculate WHO would prevail amongst these three manly men, depending upon the type of mission.



Last night we watched 2 hours of Jack Bauer. We have 6 more hours left, I think (and then more DVD's to rent to keep catching up). And tonight we are going to see "Vantage Point," a movie we have been looking forward to. We also have free movie passes, courtesy of a Christmas gift card from my mom.

LET THE ASS-KICKING COMMENCE!!!!!!!!

My Guy Turns . . . . (hee hee, I won't say!)

Today is my guy's birthday! Yep, XX years ago he was born at a whopping 1.5 pounds. He was im the hospital for months until he was big enough to come home. Sadly, his twin sister Allison didn't make it.

Dr. J is called "the miracle baby" by his Nan (who is still adorable at 95 years of age). She tears up every time she brings up how "he was so small I could hold him in the palm of my hand." Well, he's a tall guy now, thank goodness!

For his birthday present I decided on concert tickets. He had such a good time when I got them for him last year (he took my BFF's boyfriend, now fiance, where they did major bonding). For the life of me I could not remember which band they saw, but oh well.

So I purchased Dr. J . . . RUSH tickets! His favorite band, and I splurged on the non-lawn seats (Dr. J does not do lawn seats, lol). He opened them this evening, and excitedly said "WOW, awesome, I get to go see RUSH again this summer!"

Then it hit me -- I got my husband the same damn gift two birthdays in a row. WTF?! I am a gawddamn idiot. LMAO!

I am trying to figure out if I could not remember he saw RUSH last summer because I was: (A) in too much of a grief-stricken fog to store details like that in my mind, or (B) I couldn't recall this info earlier in week because I am too stressed out now to think straight?!

I AM A BAAAAAD WIFE!!!! LOL, he loved the gift, but damn I feel stoo-pid!

LOVE YA, COOKIE!

20 Things -- Check off Snow Weekend (Kimbolton)

(yes, I know we are checking things off at a rate of faster than one a month -- I don't care . . . we have our reasons)

******************************

This was the weekend we had been waiting for . . . our weekend with "The Cousins." We were going away to Ohio with all of my awesome second cousins (okay, and my Mom & Stepfather -- NOTE: my Mom only grated my nerves on Friday night, though I did briefly consider strangling her) for some fun in the snow, a bunch of silly games, and of course, the booze. Yes, the blessed booze, with thee funniest & happiest drunks you have ever met. We were psyched!

The roads were a bit dicey en route, and the snow didn't help. Still, we made decent time and arrived safely. So imagine our surprise when Dr. J went outside on Saturday morning and saw that our car had a flat tire. Gawd dammit! Like I need this NOW?! Like my phuckin' WALLET needs this now?! But first, we had to get the damn tire off of the damn car -- which proved difficult. Five grown men worked on this tire for 30 minutes, and it was still stuck. Finally, Cousin Bob (the second tallest, at 6' 5'' -- his son Nick is taller at 6' 7'') kicked the thing so hard in frustration it finally came loose. The men were triumphiant, like they had reeled in a giant fish or bagged a 10-point buck on the first day of hunting season!

I just had to take their photo . . .

(faces cropped out to protect the innocent -- but yes, that's Dr. J in the yellow parka)

Upon examination of the carcass, I mean tire, it was determined that the rim was bent, too. LORD IN HEAVEN -- why oh why must you torture me?!

Cousin Bob insisted on taking the tire into town and having the situation remedied. I was near tears at this point (frustration). Bob has been an angel to Dr. J & I as we have struggled the past few years, and he knows the past few weeks were especially heart-bruising . . . I know this was on his mind, and he wanted so badly to help us, somehow, so I let him do this for us. He returned a few hours later, saying all had been fixed, and the body shop hadn't charged him anything. We both know he is lying. This made me want to cry again. I find that at the oddest moments, I am blessed by the smallest kindnesses, which wind up making the biggest difference.

Most of Saturday afternoon was spent sled riding. There were 21 of us, in all. And it couldn't have been better.

(This sign cracked us up!)

After our terrific time spent snow tubing just two weeks prior, I didn't think it was possible to have more fun in the snow, so I busied myself as the "official paparazzi" of the family -- something I really enjoy (hey, photography is MY art, and I love it).

Soon enough, though, I agreed to turn over the camera to Cousin Debbie, and was joining everyone else as we slid down the hill the low-tech way -- with plastic saucers, cheap sleds, and even an old fashioned Flexible Flyer (damn, that thing glided!)

(Here's me and my awesome cousin Dave racing down the hill on saucers -- we nearly smacked into the barricades, LOL!)

Other sledding highlights included:

• Dave coming down the hill with an open beer in hand
• Tandem-sledding -- 4 people, 2 sleds -- we (yes I was in on it) wiped out on the way down
• Dave trying to sled down the hill on a case of beer
• Julie and Jonathan (her boyfriend, a minister) sledding with a bobble-head Jesus in hand (really, I have the photos to prove it!)
• Zanne bringing Sammy the Dog with her on the sled
• Bobbie Jo riding with her young granddaughters, Maya and Kyla
• My OWN mother gliding down, face first, on a flexible flyer, and after leaving the hill coasting down the snowy street a good quarter-mile, then calling my stepfather on her cell phone to report her location when we lost sight of her, LOL
• Lucy the Dog running down the hill alongside Cousin Kathy

The day only improved from then on . . . hell, I even took a RARE nap with Dr. J! We had a yummy dinner, more booze, played games all night, and stayed up late talking amongst ourselves. Sunday morning came waaaaaay too quick, of course.

I can't wait until next year :o)

Still . . .

• (I was tagged by Kirsten/Chrissie/2.0) . . . .
  
  ***************************
  
• Still amazed: that I landed the job I have
• Still getting used to: Nate being 11 years old (my nephew, our beloved "practice baby")
  
• Still loving: how I look in a dress since I lost all of this weight
• Still proud of: losing 70 pounds
• Still not proud of: how I couldn't be/wasn't there for my husband from May-December of last year
• Still hoping: to have a baby magically dropped in our laps, sans pregnancy
• Still worried: that I will have another miscarriage
• Still never going to: have anal sex, get a tattoo, vote for Hillary Clinton
• Still pretending: that money brings happiness (I am will to fake it for the time being, though!)
• Still reading: blogs I shouldn't (but doing it far less frequently)
• Still wanting to read: The Bible in its entirety, a Teddy Roosevelt biography, and an advance copy of whatever Vince Flynn writes before it hits the shelves!
• Still interested in: happily ever after, and waaaaay too many t.v. shows
• Still not interested in: home improvement projects or yard work
• Still looking forward to: Thanksgiving, every year, so long as I can be with my cousins
• Still not looking forward to: any holiday, ever again, with my bitch cow of a S-I-L
• Still failing: As a Christian
• Still grateful for: the soft landing my husband provides, no matter what; and parents who love me fiercely
• Still praying: for our military, our President, and that all children find homes ASAP
• Still not believing in: Patience. Phuck that.
• Still believing in: Proactivity

Bathus Interruptus

Okay, Friday was . . . crazy. I rushed from one doctor (who kept me waiting for 50 minutes, which did not help my nerves) to another. In between phuckin' Rite Aid phucked up the presciption that the first doctor insisted I had to get on immediately (grrrr, the damn pharmacist gave me the WRONG prescription! And this is for a serious medical issue. Grrrr, I am gonna have to tuck this bit of anger away for a few days until I can deal with it, via a nasty phone call to the Rite Aid corporate offices!)

Thankfully, the day ended better than it started, with me mellowing courtesy of a couple of glasses of Clos du Bois merlot, and sharing a chocolatey treat with a friend. Yum.

Saturday was a rough day for Dr. J and I, due to an event we had to attend that was tough on us, emotionally (adoption-related). We spent several hours with my brother on Sunday, pertaining to his church journey (he is becoming a Catholic and I am his sponsor).

So ANYHOO, the plan was for us to drop my little brother off at our Aunt's so he could pick up his car, and then Dr. J and I were going to use my Aunt's big spa tub for a long overdue bubblebath! We even brought the bottle of 2004 Iron Horse Wedding Cuvee that Dr. J's godparents send us each year as an anniversary present.

We were SO READY for this bubblebath, I can not overstate that point!


Dr. J drew the bath water, popped the champagne into our special glasses, and we slid into the tub. A mere 120 seconds later (I am not kidding), my Uncle begins pounding furiously on the bathroom door, and bellows in his German-accented voice "Zee water is leek-ing thru zee cee-ling!"

You have to be kidding me, right?! NOPE. He wasn't. Somehow their tub, which hadn't had a leak in 10 years, and my Aunt uses for a soak at least once a week, chose MY MOMENT OF ZEN to begin leaking through the dining room ceiling below. Unbelievable. Really.

So we drain the tub, wipe the bubbles off our bodies, and pad downstairs to stare up at the ceiling with my aunt and uncle.

I thought I was going to burst into tears out of pure frustration. I . . . just . . . wanted . . . my . . . bubblebath. (Sniff, sniff, cue pout).

As I lunched with a friend today, and related this tale of woe, he looked at me amused and said "Bathus Interruptus?!"

Grrrrrrrr.

Leave It To Sayid

Okay, I know V-Day was just yesterday but I am going to admit I am in love with another man.

It's Sayid from "Lost."

Damn, he is SUCH a bad ass (scroll to 6:37). And he is sooooo sexy! (And yes, I openly swoon over Sayid -- the character AND the actor who plays him, Naveen Andrews -- in front of Dr. J).

Last night's episode of "Lost" had a lot of focus on Sayid. Thank you, Lord, for this.

I thought Sayid looked hot in his full throttle, sweaty, torture the bad guys mode on the island. THEN they showed a flash-forward in which he plays golf, and even a scene in which he is wearing a tuxedo! Oh my, I thought I was going to pass out!!!!!!!!!

Hell, even my husband likes Sayid. He said "He's just like the essence of what a man should be. Like that guy you want to hang out with."

Sayid . . . . mmmm mmmm tasty. Meow!

Happy Day to My Valentines

I was driving to a doctor appointment today when a song came on the radio that brought back a flood of memories . . . it was "Solid" by Ashford & Simpson (yes, I acknowledge it's a bad video -- in a so bad it's good kind of way, LOL). I immediately grabbed my cell phone and called the man who I think of each time this classic tune is on the radio . . . my Daddy. He thanked me for the V-Day card I had sent him (I send him one every year because, after all, he was the first man I ever loved, and the first man to ever love me). I quickly instructed him to put on the station I was listening to, and then giggled as I said "Daddy, remember how we used to sing this in the car?!" There are other songs like that, ones that make me think of times spent alone with my Dad, singing in the car. I think what made them so memorable is that my Dad, a guy who throughout my childhood alternated between being ultra-smooth and an ultra-goofball, used to sing along to these songs in such a funny, dramatic, over-the-top manner that you couldn't keep a straight face when they came on. Some others that I immediately associate with my Dad are:

• "Islands in the Stream"/Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton (before Kenny f'ed up his face with bad plastic surgery)
• "Separate Lives"/Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin
• "Maneater"/Hall & Oates (Ahhh, a classic from Dad's post-divorce bachelor years)
• "Coming Around Again"/Carly Simon (his song choice to dance with me at my wedding)

This was on my mind as I worked out at the gym. Only, with thoughts of Valentine's Day bouncing around my head, I began seeking out the songs on my Ipod that remind me of Dr. J:

• "Have a Little Faith"/Joe Cocker (our wedding song)
• "Through the Fire"/Chaka Khan (damn, that girl can belt it out!)
• "The Pina Colada Song"/Rupert Holmes (we do these funny accents when we sing it together)
• "Little Wonders"/Rob Thomas (song I listen to when I am feeling hopeful)
• "If We Fall In Love Tonight"/Rod Stewart (same reason -- about our past & future)

Happy V-Day to all -- now everybody go cuddle ;o)

21 Things -- check off Renewal of Vows

(NO, THIS IS NOT US!!!)

We did it! I saw this news item a couple of months ago, and thought it'd be just dorky enough for Dr. J to wanna check out . . . the Guiness Book of World Records would be coming to town for the World's Largest Renewal of Vows ceremony. So I signed us up as an anniversary surprise.

Tonight we put on our finest and ventured out to the event. I was this close to wearing my wedding dress, but in the end chose not too because I didn't want to get my dress dirty (plus my car needs a good cleaning, too!) Instead I wore my aforementioned "Vegas Dress" and Dr. J wore his best suit with a purply dress shirt and tie combo that I love him in (he looks great in dramatic colors).

It was QUITE a site at the ceremony. A handful of women in their dresses (I admit, the real reason I wanted to wear mine, other than the fact that I love my wedding dress, was to show up all those women who can no longer squeeze into theirs. Am I evil? No. Honest? Yes.) There were some folks in wedding dresses at least two decades old, which was pretty funny. And this one couple had on NASCAR shirts (see above photo), which really had us giggling. Even a lesbian couple. Couples married 60+ years, and couples married within the past year. Two couples in which the husband sported a kilt.

It was an interesting evening, in a beautiful setting. Fun, dorky, different, weird. Yep, it was our kind of night :o)

22 Things -- check off Snow Tubing

So after a rough week (maybe that should read RAW week), I surprised Dr. J by giving him an early birthday present from his mother-in-law. His birthday is not until the end of February, but my Mom already had told me she wanted to pay for us to go snow tubing, since it's something we have been talking about wanting to do. Thus, I decided that THIS was the weekend to go do it, and check off something else on our "24 Things" list.

We drove up to Seven Springs, planning on tubing during the 6-8 p.m. session. OF COURSE it was sold out (grrrr!). So we bought tickets for the 8-10 p.m. session and decided to regroup by throwing back some crappy drinks in the crappy bar. Seven Springs is fun, don't get me wrong, but it's in baaaaaaad need of a complete makeover. Still, it serves it's purpose.

Back to the tubing . . . WE . . . HAD . . . A . . . BLAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did a lot of sled-riding as a child, whereas Mr. Country Club (Dr. J) did things like skiing in Switzerland and New Mexico (cue up your best Long Island stereotype, lol). But of course I am afraid of heights so I do need Dr. J when it comes to things like getting to the top of a mountain. Thank goodness he calms my fears in this regard. I am even more thankful that I did NOT have to get on a ski lift in order to go sno-tubing. Thank you, Lord. Instead, they had a "magic carpet" conveyor belt you could stand on, or sit in your tube and hook onto the tow line which pulls you uphill. Each had it's own benefits (the tow line was more fun, whereas the magic carpet was much faster).

We started out by doing two runs in which we held onto each others tube and sped downhill (called "doubles"). Then we did a couple runs as "singles". We then went over to the higher, faster, steeper lanes and went down those, too. A little tough for me, as we stood there -- I kept thinking back to those super-high "banana slides" you encounter at a water park. But I conquered the fear and did it anyway, and was glad I did! I then shocked by Dr. J and went down headfirst before he had even tried it! (Seriously, I now know why they make you sign release forms -- these lanes are icy, fast, and you COULD be killed if your head hit something!)

Like I said, we had sooooo much fun, and it was something we desperately needed. I am now hoping we can gather all of my awesome second cousins together for a future group outing.

Shifting My Mental State

This week has been a roller coast of emotions. I would classify it as the 4th-worst week of my life. Thanks to all of my insane friends for their attempts to lift me up, yet again. I love yinz, big time.

So here's my attempt to distract myself . . . let's react to the latest article by one of my new-favorite columnists, "SexPert" Dr. Yvonne Fulbright:

10 ISSUES AFFECTING HER ABILITY TO ORGASM

Some thoughts worth sharing:

• Yes, ladies of the world, DO get to know your body. Granted, I think as I have gotten older, and more comfortable with myself and sex in general, I am better at helping things along with such helpful articulations as "a little to the left," "faster," "lighter," "no wait, harder," "yes, right there," and the crowning moment phrase of "don't stop!" I honestly think that the age/maturity factor of women has a lot to do with this. Most men I have discussed it with agree that older women are far better in bed than some young chickie. Young Chickie (and by this I mean 18-24) may be cute and have a tight ass, but like I said, most guys have told me that a woman who falls in the 30-45 category will actually be far friskier and more exciting in the sack, because she knows herself, and is more likely to give a man directions. And as we all know, men never stop to ask , hee-hee!

• Women DO get stuck in their own head -- we are thinking about big things (bills, work projects, etc.) and little (the laundry, errands, that the ceiling fan needs to be dusted). This is why "transition time" (a.k.a. FOREPLAY) is so important. MEN OF THE WORLD -- your woman HAS let you know what her "transition" is -- it may be more kissing, a margarita, a massage, having her feet rubbed, possibly all of these! So LISTEN next time, and don't just phucking phone it in! I can't tell you how many times I have had a friend say "I love kissing, and he knows it. But he thinks if we kiss for 2 minutes that BAM it's enough and time for him to get laid." [NOTE: This is NOT a rip on men post, everyone knows I am MUCH tougher on women than men!!!]

• Damn straight, intercourse is NOT enough to turn a woman on, or make her "O". Men, listen, we love your passion, and your enthusiasm, but somewhere along the way you were sold a bill of goods if you think rocking away like a jackhammer is making us "O". Um, really, it's not. It may very well be exciting and feel great (even to us), but we women are built different. And it feels different. God gave you hands, and a mouth. And he gave us all sorts of delicious body parts for you to explore with your hands and mouth. Try a new place once in a while, and see what happens! [And by the way, your mouth includes your voice -- women flourish with compliments telling them how hot you find them, how good they are making you feel, etc.]

• Finally, a note scolding women . . . I have talked to plenty of men over the years, and some of them have valid complaints when it comes to their partner. Lack of enthusiasm, direction, encouragement, and self-maintenance are huge turnoffs for men. Men are not such difficult creatures, if you care and feed them properly. So ladies, give 'em a little bit of energy, a bit of dirty talk, and throw in some freaky thoughts once in a while, and you will likely have a happy camper.

Okay, stepping down from my Rant Box. Next!

On the Road Again

So I am in D.C. again. This is my third overnight (multiple) business trip since 2008 began. I don't mind. I actually welcome them -- I hate being stuck in the office.

[PLEASE CUE UP YOUR BEST SARCASM BEFORE READING THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE . . . ]

In a stunning turn of events, I got lost en route. Right around D.C. (beltway), and then once again trying to find my way around D.C. If somebody out there says "but isn't D.C. built on a grid" I will personally rip your tongue out. Thanks!

I decided to try another hotel in the Kimpton family, since I so enjoyed the Hotel Helix in May 2007. This time, I am at the Topaz Hotel. I loooooovvve my room. Hee hee, the only way I can describe it is as "chic fun." It's colorful, but not over the top. Contemporary, but not cold.

But damn, I am so loving this place right now. The only thing missing is someone to enjoy it with.

Gala Recap

Last night was the big shindig for my work. There were about 400 people there, all gussied up in (mainly) tuxedos and snazzy dresses. The theme was Mardi Gras, so some of the folks had rented costumes too. Our newly installed president wore his tux part of the time, and then at other times he was dressed as a king. He looked adorable, I have to say. His wife was dressed as a court jester.

I was excited to have an opportunity to wear a beautiful dress again, the one I refer to as "my Vegas dress" (because I wore it in Las Vegas when I went to see Cirque du Soleil's "O"). I never went to any of the Proms or Homecoming dances when I was in high school (sniff, sniff), so there is this little girl part of me that gets really excited about having an opportunity to go shopping for something special, and then slipping into it for a big night out. Though, I gotta admit, I was more than a little bit nervous having that dress on around my co-workers and Board of Directors, who are used to seeing me in only business suits and the occasional sundress.

Well, the dress was a hit! I received a lot of positive feedback, which was appreciated since I have been busting my ass at the gym in January (15 workouts in a 31-day month). Oh, and the new bra worked out prefectly with it (three cheers for clear straps!)

I should have had a photo of myself taken in the dress, but I am quite camera shy. So here's a photo of the dress I found online.

Friday Poll

We haven't had a "Friday Poll Question" in a while, which I remarked in an email to Chrissie the other day. She immediately shot back with the following poll question, which was kept amongst myself ("F.C.") , ManHands (Adrian), Kirsten (Chrissie, or 2.0) and Lori (Coach).

The topic was . . .

CRAZY THINGS MEN HAVE DONE FOR ME

Holy shit! The items that were ticked off for that poll ranged from sweet stuff going back to the sixth grade, to the scary, to the bold, to the damn wild & sexy kind. WHOA BABY.

It was so good, I don't think I can even publish any of them. We kept the identities of the men anonymous, referring to all as just "he," as in "He had a dozen roses delivered to me while on a date with another man" or "He lifted me out of the hot tub, dried me off, and then rubbed cocoa butter all over me."

It was a gooooood topic. And I encourage everyone to try it out with their BFF's immediately!!!

Cheers!

It's Back!!!!

LOST is back on t.v. -- it premiered TONITE!

WOW, great episode! Tonight's episode was "Hurley-centric." Hurley is not one of my favorite characters, but the episode was still terrific.

I am beginning to think that part of the reason I have been pissy at night lately is due to lack of fresh television, courtesy of the phucking writer's strike. GRRRRR!

Seriously. t.v. is one of my essential food groups. I loooooovvvvve watching all of my shows, and "Lost" (which I resisted for a while but finally submitted to and got hooked on) is at the tippy top of my Must See T.V.

Now all I need is an episode featuring my fave bad ass, Sayid, or my beloved couple, Sun and Jin.

Love a Song / Love Song

For some strange reason a guy friend of mine and I have been on a text tear lately (I don't know what else to call it when you are texting back and forth like 14 year olds, LOL). Today's topic was songs we were listening to on the radio. It was funny to have a guy (and a VERY straight and cute one) tell me how much he likes "Breakaway" from Kelly Clarkson (I am suspecting it might have something to do with his current life circumstances, that the lyrics are hitting home or something).

He'd text "Rusted Root." I'd send back "Coolio." He would fire back "Jewel -- love her." Then I said "Sting -- saw him in concert back in mid-late '90's, gawd I feel old!" He made me feel better by saying The Police debuted his freshman year of college.

Sometimes I fall in or out of love with songs. They might hit close to home and heart on that day, or might just take me back to a time or place in my life. I know that I keep listening to the same songs when I am at the gym, LOL, and probably would be openly mocked for them. I don't care, I know people who have The Wiggles on their Ipods! Or Disney songs (ick, egads, kill me now!)

When I got back to office from my mid-day Victoria's Secret run (needed bra for big event I am going to this Friday), I dialed up Yahoo Music on the computer, and stumbled across a new song I am truly digging. Yahoo Music is good for these -- trying out new stuff, randomly, based on the styles of music and artists you click off when you create "your station." So anyhoo, I am loving, for the past 30 minutes, this song by Leona Lewis called "Bleeding Love." And her lyrics are terrific! Will probably be downloaded onto my Ipod Mini tonite.

Gym Sum (keeping me honest) -- belated

So I forgot to post my "Gym Sum" for the last week. Well, I suppose that's better than forgetting to go to the gym . . . though I have to say my motivation was lacking a bit last week. I just didn't feel inspired.

Without further ado, my total for last week was: 3 hours of cardio. Not bad, considering my schedule constraints.

I am already off to a good start for THIS week, with 2.5 hours under my belt. I hope to hit gym again on Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday, aiming for total of 6 hours of cardio. We shall see!

By the way, a special shout out to the cutie pie 14 year old redheaded girl at the gym tonight who loaned me her pink hair band when my snapped and broke. I was pulling my hair back into a low ponytail when it happened. I screamed "shit!" really loud in the locker room. Thankfully, she came to my rescue. Without a hairband (I had no spare in my gym bag), it would have completely derailed my workout -- I HAVE TO PUT MY HAIR UP when I work out -- I simply sweat too much (esp. my head) to not do so.

Okay, back to paying attention to the State of the Union Address!!!

23 Things - check off Dozen Bake Shop

We went to the grand opening of Dozen Bake Shop this evening -- the second and expanded location of the Mother Ship.

We sampled their chocolate chip cookies, and a slice of vanilla cake. Mmmmmm.

Dr. J and I have been eagery awaiting this special occasion, so much that we placed it on our "24 Things" list.

Checked that one off! Next?

Words Not Always Enough

A beautiful, smart, sassy, wonderfully bitchy friend of mine is hurting tonight.

I am glad she reached out and let me know. Gawd knows how many manic & panicked emails I have sent her.

But I feel so helpless right now. She lives 2,500 miles away. I would give anything to have a private jet so I could rush out to my "2.0," so I could buy her a new Louis Vuitton, and stuff our faces with ice cream. Or just stroke her silky black hair (we joke about how men think hot women comfort one another by playing with each others hair).

I wanna wrap her up in a big hug, and tell her that what she is grieving will never be okay, and it will always hurt . . . but I then would whisper in her ear that I will always be ready to listen to her grief, and that I will never get tired of it, no matter how many times she needs to bring it up.

It's what I'd want someone to say to me.

2.0's pain is excruciating, and haunting. And it made me take down a prior post, because I love her enough that I don't want anything I have written (though completely undirected at her), to cause her any pain.

I just want to love her and reassure her and slow down her swirling mind.

It's what I'd want someone to do for me.

Take THIS, Bitches!!!

Put my wedding dress on when I got home from work today, and Dr. J grabbed the camera . . .




YEP, IT STILL FITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lookin' good, chickie ;o)

A Day Just Like Today

It's our anniversary. I am sitting at my desk, watching the snow fall outside, and it's so beautiful. It reminds me of the day prior to our wedding 4 years ago, when the most magical blanket of snow fell on our town.

Though we have been married 4 years, we have been a couple for 15 years today (yep, it's also the anniversary of our first date, too).

Geez, we have had a rough year. But we're still standing. Though sometimes we might be leaning on each other to keep from falling down.

Which is part of the reason why I thought I'd surprise Dr. J with an unusual gift.

It's funny, strange, bizarre, odd. Kinda like us. I expect we'll have a blast :o)

I Am Sydney Ellen Wade

Apparently, there is still a lot of confusion regarding what I do for a living. I try to break it down for people, and explain it, in a way that relates to what they do for a living. My cousin Sandi has said to me, "I am fascinated by what you do for a living, though I don't really understand it." Eh, fair enough.

So I was on the phone with Kurt yesterday (ahem, that's DOCTOR Kurt to the rest of yinz, though I call him "Sweetums," a pet nickname that goes back to our high school drama . . . and yes ANOTHER doctor 'cause, after all, I know what type of men to pine after) . . . anyhoo, after teasing Kurt about the fact that he had just finished a long day of back-to-back surgeries, I mentioned that I was in-between meetings and just changing into a cocktail dress so I could attend an evening happy hour and banquet. He teased me back about that, and then confessed, "I have no idea what you do."

I launched into my usual spiel about what I do, how I came to it, yadda, and then Sweetums had this fantabulous EUREKA moment and exclaimed in a very excited voice, "YOU'RE SYDNEY ELLEN WADE!!!"

Okay, well, she was working on federal issues, and I spend more of my time on local, with a smattering of state and federal mixed in. But OMG, now I had something pop culture-tangible in which to offer to my confused family and friends regarding how I make my living!!!

So I quickly said back to him, "Yes, I am Sydney Ellen Wade. Only without the whole phucking the President thing. I'm not saying I wouldn't phuck a President, and I would had he looked like the Michael Douglas of THEN, but now he's got this skeltor-chicken neck thing going on, so probably not. Wait, oh yeah, so I'm Sydney Ellen Wade. Thanks!"

Gym Sum

Okay, so I figured that if I post (for all ye world to see) my cardio efforts each week it would help keep me honest, like a virtual check, if you will.

Soooooo, this week, despite my out-of-town business trip and the theatre tickets, I am proud to report I worked out 3 times, for a total of 4 hours of cardio.

Next week will be more of a challenge, since I will be on another biz trip for nearly 4 days AND have agreed to meet Lori for drinks after work one night (but I think since meeting Lori for drinks can fall under the category of "mental health" it's worth it).

YEA for me :o)

Dear Ol' Dad

I have been dreading my business trip next week. It's going to be uncomfortable at best, but painful is what I am expecting to really encounter. Not the workload, not the hours, but some of the people I will have to be in proximity to.

This fact, coupled with financial frustration, wanting to smack my mother and stepfather, stoo-pid inlaws ("outlaws"), and the slooooow tick-tock of the calendar have all been swirling in my never still brain, culminating in a level of anxiety that is frightening.

So as much as I was looking forward to meeting up with my Dad late this morning for coffee/tea, I was expecting the inevitable "relax, Babes, it'll all be okay" mantra out of him, which would probably wind me up even tighter.

But surprise of surprises, he did no such thing. Damn if he hasn't been changing a lot over the past year, finally recognizing that I am not am alarmist but truly struggling to not either (1) go insane or (2) throw in the proverbial towel completely.

I truly think that the last-ditch effort he had to undertake to get healthy has a profound effect on him. He listens to me so much more, I mean really listens, and offers actual constructive advice and support. He reminds me to trust my judgement and decisions. It's amazing. I used to hate to let Dad see any bits of weakness in me, 'cause he is so strong. But after the incredibly difficult past couple of years of self-destruction he put our family through (and remember, I was getting the simultaneous implosion of my mother, and now she & stepfather with their latest phuck-up a few days before Christmas), my Dad has begun to emerge as an altered person.

I felt a lot better after meeting with him today. He wasn't rushed, he wasn't distracted, he wanted to reassure me and my choices. And he shared with me a really important bit of observation/wisdom, which I know I will carry with me: "People always want to give you an easy or superficial fix to what is a complicated problem. They think THEY know better. They don't."

Three Rivers Runs Through It

Yesterday, after I rushed back from my trip to D.C. for an, um, "doctor appointment," Dr. J and I headed out for a rare treat of an evening. My mother had given us theatre tickets to a performance by the Second City comedy troupe, which is in town for a few days.

I loooovvve Second City, having seen them perform in Toronto when I was 17 years old.

So we journeyed into The Big City (lol) for the performance of Three Rivers Runs Through It.

It was really fun! Lots of laughs, with a local spin on it. But the best was the improv at the end, which is always my favorite.

Definitely something we should do again soon (both parts, ahem).

;o)

RANDOM . . . times two?!

This has been a very odd couple of days. And considering how odd the past year has been for me, that's saying quite a bit.

Two people from my past each sent me an email. Both came from people who were incredibly important parts of my life. I have laughed, cried, and loved both of them. Deeply.

And both emails rocked me to my core.

One has me sad, angry, confused, and scared -- not sure if I can trust again, if I can move past the hurtful words that were said, if I have the emotional energy (or even the want) to re-establish the relationship, even on a polite acquaintance level.

The other email touched me so deeply I could hardly speak. The words hit a spot so buried in me that I didn't think it was possible to have another human being find that spot, let alone give it voice. I should have known better. He always has.

So, as the kids are fond of saying nowadays . . . "whoa, random!"

Gym Thoughts

Ah yes, the first week of the New Year. You know what this means?! All of the newbies at the gym, working on their Resolutions. Actually, I can't complain about this at my new gym. At the old gym, it would have been PACKED for the entire month of January, then still a bit busy through mid-February, and finally back to normal by the 1st of March.

Now, I will never make fun of anyone who finally makes the decision to get off their ass and take charge of their health and weight by exercising. Good for them! (And, from a health insurance rate standpoint good for ALL of us).

However, there is one part of the New Year's phenomenon which never ceases to amaze me. WHY, do men who look, oh say, 14 months pregnant, spend so much time lifting weights at the gym -- especially when it's clear they haven't hit the gym within the past decade? And yet there they are, doing the nautilus arm weights with all sorts of determination! Granted, it is appropriate to do a bit of weights when trying to lose the fat, for toning purposes. But people, c'mon, spend the time on the treadmill or the bike for gawd's sake! Based on the looks of ya, you need to burn calories and fat, not build muscle mass. I suspect that these guys spend so much time on the weights because they are SO out of shape that they simply can't keep up even a moderate pace on the treadmill, and/or are afraid of looking silly. But then again, looking silly is a big reason (along with feeling intimidated) that women tend to steer clear of the free weights.

Anyhoo, back to me.

This week I am pleased to report that I logged 4.5 hours of cardio, lifted weights 3 days, and did my sit-ups on 4 days. I would have had another hour of cardio in there had my gym been open New Year's Day. I have been upping my cardio by about one-third over previous weeks, in an effort to kick start my system into losing a few more pounds. This, along with "getting strict" (as I call it) with my food intake (which is already quite healthy) should help me knock off a few pounds, and hopefully get me closer to my 2008 weight loss goal of another 10 pounds. Damn, that'd be awesome, to brag I've lost 80 pounds! (Though already being able to honestly claim a loss of 70 feels good, too).

I . . . WANT . . . MY . . . 2.0. NOW!

I can't believe how quiet my world is with our beloved 2.0 off in Japan for a few weeks. Seriously, it feels like cyber-torture to await her pending January 9th arrival back on American soil.

It has sucked big time having her gone. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

The whole gang seems to have lost its magic -- the mojo is just ABSENT without our Chrissie here to keep us trudging along.

If ManHands brought us all together, it's 2.o who is the social secretary of the gang.

2.0 -- I WUV YOU AND MISS YOU. Dammit. And so does Louis Vuitton.

No Diggity

I am seriously enjoying the columns this chick writes. Damn, she'd be fun at a party! I feel like it's part-Carrie Bradshaw/part-sex ed teacher, with a dash of sass thrown in.

I need to send this to my girlfriends, so we can, uh, "talk amongst ourselves."

Is Your Sex Life Normal?

A few comments I am willing to share enough to have public . . .

• Length of average sexual encounter -- um, 3-10 minutes?! I know it's true, but I also know that I wouldn't put up with it. Uh-uh. And if YOU are putting up with it (beyond the occasional torrid quickie), then shame on you, 'cause you deserve your likely boring, uninspired sex life.
• Favorite sexual position -- I concur, men like it that way, and women like it the other. I recently read that men like it this way because it has something to do with seeing themselves, um, enter the playground. I asked Dr. J, and he nodded appreciatively, as if finally somebody understood a man's sexual proclivities, and said a slow "yes." And then guess what he wanted to do? LMAO!
• Number of Times a Week They Are Having Sex -- What a riot! People are NOT having that much sex, ROTFLMAO! Not unless they fall into one of the following categories: crack whore, porn star, Ron Jeremy, or on their 6th month of trying to conceive. Really, this is such a joke!!!
• Playing Around -- is it really that high? The sociology major in me wants to see the survey questions, to see what qualified as such. If it's true, eh, can't say I am surprised.
• Being a Better Lover -- (1) YES, WE WANT MORE EROTIC MASSAGES IN BED! Dammit, I can't tell you how frustrating this is for women! My Chickies and I feel like we ask, hint, beg, plead, suggest, yadda, for this all the time -- and you guys either ignore it, or downplay it. Men of the world, hear us loud: if you put the time in with a good, erotic massage, you will get laid better and more regularly! And one more thing, a 5 minute backrub is not enough -- put the minimum 15 minutes in, 'cause that's how long it takes us to transition. Light the candles, put on some jazz or sexy music, and pour us a drink . . . and then commence the massage . . . yes, we like the occasional "crazy, can't get enough, I need you bad" sexfest. But sometimes we need it the other way, too. And (2), girls, men love oral sex. No matter how much you think they like it, they probably like it twice as much more. Give a little to get a little.
• Phone and E-mail -- okay, yes, I have answered the phone, even texted, while in the sack. I wouldn't tolerate if Dr. J did it. Call me a hypocrite.

Damn the power of suggestion. Now I'm horny.

Venture Outdoors

OMG, I had no idea this group was actually a bona fide organization! I thought it was one of those fluffy, do-gooder (but really, do very little) groups that pretends to exist for its stated purpose but actually has a main function of bitching, moaning, and blaming anything and everything that they perceive as "wrong" with/or about the environment on the Political Bullseye of the Moment.


I have long enjoyed exercising outdoors, and this interest was nutured by our years in Kal-ee-forn-yah. Yosemite, Big Basin, and other points throughout the Santa Clara Valley were favorites of mine. Over the past year I have attempted to rekindle my surprising hobby. I say "surprising" because most people seemed very surprised that I loooovvve to go hiking (urban or rural), because it typically involves bugs, dirt, and other critters -- none of which I enjoy. But I truly love getting in some exercise minus the treadmill, recumbant bike, or ArcTrainer. The crackle of the twigs, the natural terrain, the cool or even crisp air -- it's all good, baby! And it feeeeeels so good, too! The rush afterwards is amazing. Even better than the post-gym feeling, at least for me, in terms of feeling re-centered, achieving zen, and doing something unique.


So while I sorta knew that Venture Outdoors existed, I was really surprised to investigate their web site this evening and find out just how many cool offerings they have -- PERFECT for my taste, my schedule, yadda. This is JUST what I need! I often want to check out new hiking venues, especially since our region is blessed with so many opportunities, but typically feel overwhelmed in narrowing my choice or finding a trail that suits my wants. But Venture Outdoors seems to take care of all of my qualifications and make the selection easier.

I am so psyched!!! I think we will try out one of two of their offerings, and then, if all goes well, join the organization and thereby receive the discounted rate on future outings.

I am happy (closet nature lover that I am -- but shhhh, don't tell Adrian!)

24 Things

We challenged ourselves to come up with two lists, each with 24 things on them, with the goal of checking of one each month.

The "Prepare List" is on the other blog, and will stay there.

But this blog, and this new year, is about putting the fun back in my life -- along with a big whopping dose of creativity to accompany each item as it's checked off the list.

We continue to take ideas, suggestions, and recommendations from our cadre of supporters who understand what we are trying to do, and more importantly, why we need to do these things.

Here's what we have thus far (NOTE: we reserve the right to edit, alter, and make any other changes as we deem necessary):

1. Go shooting with the Air Marshal


2. Hear John Williams' music performed live


3. Go sno-tubing (DONE -- 02/09/08)
   


4. Learn to curl with Hamster & Da Weeter


5. Skate in Bryant Park


6. Go to NYC for Fleet Week


7. Pick fruit/veggies locally (in addition to our annual apple-picking trip to Wooster, Ohio)


8. Host our own game night for The Second Cousins


9. Organize the Posse, Second Cousins, and Other Grown-Ups for a night at the Drive-In


10. Renew our vows (DONE -- 02/10/08)
    


11. Find a charity that we feel passionate about, and become involved with it


12. Go horseback riding (gawd, I miss doing that!)


13. Paint our bedroom (okay, get somebody to do it -- anybody other than me)


14. Finish the dining room


15. Run a 5K (no snickering, this is not easy for someone with asthma -- I get plenty of exercise, but running has always been a physical challenge that has me reaching for the inhaler)
16. Hike Central Park
17. Donut Day
18. Spy Day
19. Attend Taste of Pittsburgh (have gone twice before and LOVED it!)
    
20. Attend the Frank Sinatra/Dean Martin tribute show held periodically at a restaurant in our town
    
21. Kimbolton with The Second Cousins (February 2008)
    
22. Attend the grand opening of Dozen Bake Shop -- ahem, WE are on the V.I.P. Invite List!!! (January 2008)
    
23. Kung Fu movie night w/Lori & Jay at the local movie theatre, for which we will sneak in booze
    
24. 
    

GOTTA COME UP WITH ONE MORE, LOL!

Help us, people?!?!?!